Part 2


********************

The world was brightening, leaving Alex lingering in another kind of darkness.

Dammit, why? Why'd he have to wake up? He didn't want to be here. He wanted to stay in his dream...the only place where he could be with Fox, but cruel morning refused to allow it.

Slowly he sat up, running his hands through his hair, when an odd feeling came over him. He dropped his hands and looked up, his heart stopping then starting again triple time as his gaze fell on the woman sitting in the chair a couple of feet to the left of the foot of his bed. He stared in stunned silence as Scully raised one hand to display her weapon.
"Where is he?"

Confusion joined anxiety, and Alex frowned at the woman.
"What?"
"Where is he, Krycek?"

Alex's mouth opened and closed several times before he could speak.
"I don't...I don't know, I...is he missing?"

"Like you didn't know."

"I *don't* know. I haven't seen him in over a month...like you wanted."

Scully released the safety on her gun and pointed it at the man's chest.

"I don't believe you."

Alex shook his head, trying to control the tremors than ran through him.

Missing. God, Fox was missing...

"You expected to find us together, didn't you? We're not. I haven't...*seen* him. I left that day not long after you did."
"Why?"

Alex emitted a soft, bitter laugh.

"*Why*? You more than anyone else know the answer to that question."

Scully studied him for a few long seconds then spoke.

"He never came back to D.C. He's been out here all that time looking for you. I thought he might have found you. I'm still not entirely sure he hasn't. You're hardly trustworthy."

Alex's heart leapt. "If you haven't seen him, how do you know he's looking for me?"

"He called me not long after you took off. He was pissed as hell. Put all the blame on me, and when I asked him what he was going to do, he said he was going to keep looking for you. Said Skinner could fire him if he wanted, but he was going to find you. His career is over, Krycek. You hear that? It's over in one damn week if I can't find him and bring him back."

"I..." Alex shook his head, eyes pleading for Scully to believe him. "I would never let him give up his career for me. I don't want him screwing up his life. That's why I left. Scully, I don't know where he is."

The woman stared silently.

Alex remained quiet for a moment then asked, "How did you find me?"

"Stroke of luck...for lack of a better word. You out here whoring?"
Alex lowered his eyes. "It's what I do best, right?"

Blue eyes roved over the sleep-tousled man, and the question popped out before she could think twice about it.
"So. You do women too, or just men?"

Alex blinked in surprise. Fox had been gone for over a month, and Scully was sitting here wanting to know about the details of his profession...

"What...why are you..."

"Curious. So, do you?"

"I haven't."

She looked him up and down. "But for the right price?"

"What's with all the questions, Scully? Shouldn't you be out searching for your partner?"

Scully regarded Alex for a moment then, "I want to know how you did it."

Growing ever more uncomfortable under the heated blue gaze, Alex gathered the sheet around his waist.
"Did what?"

Turned him into your loyal disciple. What is it about you? Are you that good?"

"Scully..."

"I saw you. I got a good long look at the two of you that first night. You *had* him. His sister could have reappeared at that precise moment right in front of his eyes, and he wouldn't want to tear himself away from you long enough to say, 'Hey Samantha, long time no see.' What is it Krycek? What is it about you that's got him so crazy?"

Alex looked away.

Scully put her weapon away, rose from her seat, and walked over to the bed.
"Come on, Krycek. Tell me. I want to know. How do you do it?"

No answer.

The nearness of him. The flush of his skin. The goddamn green of his eyes...
She'd despise herself later, but she had to know.

Alex focused on the hand that had just come down in front of his face. More to the point, what was in the hand. He raised disbelieving eyes to the woman who stood over him.

"What's the matter?" Scully asked softly. "Not enough?"

His voice was a hoarse whisper. "What the hell are you doing?"

//What the hell *are* you doing?//

"I want to understand," Scully answered, tired of listening to her inner voice. She drew her hand down, letting the bills scratch over the stubbled cheek. "I want to know what he felt when you touched him."
"Thought I was a diseased piece of shit?"

"Piece of shit? Yeah. Diseased? You could well be. But I'm not so stupid that I'd touch you without good protection. Now I want to know what it is about you that's got Mulder so hot."

"You can't."
"Why? Because I'm a woman?"

"Because as much as you don't want to believe it, it wasn't just meaningless sex with Fox. I loved him, Scully. I still love him. Maybe not the way he deserves, but as much as I'm capable of loving him."

She removed her jacket and dropped it at the foot of the bed. "You're a whore, Krycek. You don't know the meaning of the word."

Alex looked away and said nothing.

"Do you do a good business?"

"Okay..."

"You do better than okay. When I left the cabin that day, I went back to L.A. Started snooping around the vicinity of Mulder's hotel, and I ran in to some of your...co-workers. You're a very popular guy with the customers, Alex. You scare them, but your talent must overshadow your fierceness because you certainly got the lion's share of the johns down there in your little corner of the cesspool."

"I don't get it," Alex rasped. "You insult me...cut me down every way you can think of, and then you proposition me."

"I told you, I want to understand what it is Mulder sees in you. Besides...couldn't you use a few extra bucks?"

Alex shook his head in disbelief. "You're...I told Fox you were his friend. I didn't want to come between you. You hated me. I left because you'd convinced me that I'd never be good enough for him..."

"You're not good enough for him. If he was just fucking you, Krycek, I could deal with it. I can see it. You're an incredibly sexy man. It's the love part that I can't accept. Mulder's my best friend. He's family. And I won't stand by and see him hurt."

"And you don't think that fucking me would hurt him? He loves me." //Oh, God, he still loves me.// "What do you think it would do to him if he knew that you were here trying to get a piece of me?"

"He'd never know." Scully stroked the bills over Alex's chest. "I sure as hell wouldn't tell him."

"You bitch," he whispered maliciously. "I wouldn't touch you for all the money in the world."

Anger simmered in the woman's eyes.

"You know, I may be nothing more than a lowlife whore, but apparently you're not much better. In fact, you just may be a little worse. Wanting to fuck the man you know your best friend is in love with...conniving, back-stabbing cow."

The ensuing slap snapped Alex's head to the side, and he was out of the bed and on Scully in a flash, spinning her onto her back on the mattress, hand around her throat.

"Fucking bitch," he hissed, tightening his grip just a bit more, his body shuddering with the rush of adrenaline that had just crashed through it. It'd be so easy to snap her scrawny little neck. So damn easy...

Bright blue eyes gazed up at him, a combination of fear and arousal clashing in their depths.

"Your dick is hard, Alex," Scully wheezed, arching into the obvious erection that pressed against her leg. "Is that for me?"

Alex spat out a bitter laugh. "It's hard at the thought of offing you, not fucking you. Been a long time, but I guess that killer instinct never really completely goes away." He loosened his grip but didn't remove his hand. "You're not worth the sweat, though."

Scully managed a sneer. "I knew that sweet, demure bit with Mulder was bullshit. You can't be yourself with him, can you? He wouldn't love you if you were." She writhed beneath the weight still pinning her to the bed. "You don't have to be something you're not with me. It doesn't matter. All I want is that animal I saw fucking my partner that night."

Alex heaved himself off of the prone woman and stalked over to the dresser, pulling out a pair of jeans. Quickly he jerked them on, and before he could get the zipper up, Scully came up from behind, running her hands up and down his bare back.

"Come on, Krycek. I've never heard of a choosy hooker before."

Alex spun around and shoved the woman away from him. "What the fuck's the matter with you?" he shouted.

"Nothing," Scully spat. "Maybe I'm just tired of denying myself the things that I want."

"You don't want me," Alex replied, zipping his jeans. "I don't know what the hell you've been smoking, Scully, but get out. Go sleep it off. When you wake up, you'll feel better."

He'd pushed her too far when he'd shoved her down on the bed and lay over her. He'd inadvertently let the feral part of her loose, and she couldn't stop now.
"I'll feel better after you've made me come five or six times." She moved forward again, unbuttoning her blouse. "Come on, Krycek. Why don't you come play on the other side of the fence for a while?"

Alex stared in dazed silence as the last of the buttons was undone, and Scully's blouse hung open. Pressing her lace-covered breasts against him, she slid her hands up his arms.

"Come on, Krycek. Fuck me, and I won't tell Mulder that the bruises that are sure to form on my neck are from you trying to choke and rape me."

"He wouldn't believe you," Alex sniped, again shoving her away.

"No?" She tugged violently at one sleeve of her blouse, ripping it at the shoulder seam. "I've got two friends outside waiting for me. I go running out of here like this and tell them what...*happened*, and Mulder will have no choice but to believe it."
"You're fucking nuts!"

Scully shrugged. "Just doing what I have to, to get what I want. That's a quality someone like you should be able to respect."

"No." Alex shook his head. "No, you wouldn't do it. You couldn't hurt him like that."

"I figure it this way, Krycek. A little hurt now is better than a lot of hurt in the future. I'd be saving him. So. What's your choice? Fuck me now, and I won't tell him I ever saw you, or...don't fuck me, I'll tell him you attacked and tried to rape me, and he'll be hunting you down for a different reason."

"Fuck you," Alex said flatly. "I'd rather live with him thinking I'd betrayed him and knowing I hadn't than letting him continue to love me, with me knowing I had."

"Really? You'd hurt him needlessly? I thought you said you loved him, Alex."

"I..." Alex hesitated, then began again. "I do love him."
"Oh.....so?"
"Don't," he whispered. "Don't do this. If it's a good fuck you're after, I can find you somebody. There are plenty of good looking guys around..."

Scully shook her head. "It's you I've been thinking about all this time. I hate that I find you attractive, but I do. I'm not complaining, but I gave up my whole life...everything I wanted for Mulder. I'd do it again, but dammit, once...*once* in my life I want to be able to have something I want."

Alex heard the change in her voice. The harsh, desperate whine.

"You should have a life," he agreed softly. "You should have the things you want. But Scully...it can't be me."

"Why are you trying to be so fucking honorable?" Scully railed. "I mean, it's just a bit two faced isn't it? You screw God knows how many men every night for cash, and you can't bring yourself to touch me?"
"You've been friends for years! He trusts you!"

"No he doesn't!" she shot back. "He hates me for pushing you away! He couldn't see that I was trying to protect him!"
"Like you are now?"

Scully stopped, blinking up into forest green eyes.

"I understand how our passions can sometimes get the better of us," Alex reasoned. "I also know that we sometimes end up bitterly regretting the consequences if we act on those passions. You'd regret this...like, except for a few short weeks, I regret every minute of my adult life. Please don't hurt him, Scully. Don't hurt yourself."

"You don't give a damn about me," she said almost inaudibly. "Don't pretend that you do."

Alex made no attempt at denial. But he did beg.

"Scully, please. If he means anything to you at all, don't make things any worse for him. Leave now, and forget you ever saw me."

Scully paused for a moment then began to button her torn blouse.

She couldn't do that. Shit. Shit, shit, what the hell was she thinking? Is that what unchecked lust did to a person?

"He won't stop looking for you."

Alex's heart pounded at the thought of Fox finding him.

"He will in time."

"He won't. He's obsessed with you."

"I'll..." he had a hard time getting the words out. "...I'll lay low. He won't find me."

Scully picked her jacket up and smoothed her hair. "Then he'll just keep looking. If he isn't back to work in a week, Skinner's going to can him." She drew a deep, stuttering breath. "I don't want that to happen."
"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying," the woman droned, slipping into her jacket and turning to look Alex in the eye, "that the only way to get him to come back home is let him have you. Maybe after a while...after he's been with you long enough, he'll come to realize that you aren't everything he thought you were."

"I'm not going back to Washington with him. He's not going to find me."
"Why isn't he? Isn't this what you wanted?"

"Nothing has changed. I wasn't good enough for him then, I'm not good enough now. Be proud of yourself, Scully. You made me see that. I won't hurt him all over again."

"Krycek, if you don't let him find you, he won't go back!"

"You didn't give a damn about that just a few minutes ago. Why now?"

Scully turned away, suddenly unable to meet Alex's eyes.

"I had a few minutes of insanity. I'm back now. You have to let him find you and talk you into coming back with him. Let him figure out for himself in time that it was a mistake."
"And then I can crawl back into my cesspool?"

"If that's what you want. But you're a resourceful man, Krycek. I'm sure you could find something legal to do and still make good money. And if you stayed in the D.C. area...who knows? Mulder would have gotten rid of you. You'd be free. You wouldn't feel that obligation to him..."

"Scully....stop."

She looked at him, an odd expression on her face. "I'd give anything if I could."
She straightened her jacket and checked her appearance in the mirror. "Let him find you, Krycek. Then let him dump you. You owe him that."

She walked to the door and stopped but didn't turn around.

"I never would have told him you tried to rape me. I wouldn't do that to him."
She drew a deep breath and held it a moment before exhaling.

//I wouldn't have. I wouldn't have done that to him. I wouldn't....I wouldn't.//

Alex watched her leave then leaned against the wall and slid to the floor.

//Jesus, what the hell am I going to do?//

Putting the crap that had just gone down with Scully out of his mind, he concentrated on Fox.

He'd thought...on some level even hoped that Fox had gone back to Washington, but he hadn't. Instead he'd spent over a month out here looking for him, spending his money...putting his job in danger...

//For me.//

He buried his face in his hands, whimpering softly.

Maybe Scully was right. Maybe he did owe it to Fox to let the older man find him. Right now Fox thought he was in love with him, and he was clearly miserable over their separation. If Alex gave him what he wanted and let him realize for himself that it was a terrible mistake, then Fox could kick him to the curb without the pain of wondering what could have been.

//And what about you? What about the pain you'll suffer having him again for however long it takes for him to understand what a waste you are, then losing him when he does?//

He lifted his head, letting it thump back against the wall and uttered an almost silent, bitter laugh.

//One of you is going to suffer. It's inevitable. Which one would you rather it be?//

********************

"Jesus, what took you so long? We were starting to think he'd killed you!"

"We had a long talk," Scully threw at the two men, not stopping until she reached the car.

"And?" the two men asked in unison as they followed her.

"I'm uh...I'm hoping I convinced him to let Mulder find him."
"You *want* Mulder to find him?"

"Yeah," Scully sighed, covering her face with her hands, partially to cover the blush that still stained them. "Mulder needs to go through it. He needs to let this fantasy he'd started run its course. He needs to end it himself. It's the only way he's going to have any kind of peace. It's the only way I'm going to get him back home. I...I came to that conclusion today."

The three got into the car, and Langly drove toward the hotel.
"Makes sense, but what about Krycek?"

"I explained it to him the way I just explained it to you. I think I might have made him understand, but he gave me nothing definite. I just left him to chew on it for a while."

"What if he just takes off? Then we'll be back to square one."

"Then I'll hunt him down and kill him," Scully answered flatly. "I don't think he will, though. I think he's realizing that it's the only way not to hurt Mulder."

"But Scully," Frohike began, a tinge of surprise in his tone. "If he went along with that...wouldn't that mean that he does care about Mulder?"

Scully's head snapped around, and she stared at the man in the back seat for a moment, then turned back and stared silently out the window.

********************

Dusk was falling, though the outrageously bright lights of the casinos kept the district suspended in eternal daylight.

Fox drove along the strip, kept awake only by the hope that this time would be the end of his search for his missing lover.

//Okay//, he thought to himself. //Look around for two hours then go back to the hotel and get some sleep. It'll do you no good if you're falling on your face in the gutter.//

Thinking maybe some exercise would help, he parked the car and walked the strip, bloodshot eyes scanning the crowds for the face he so longed to see.
Three hours had gone by, and he was still walking...bordering on staggering, and he had shown Alex's picture to hundreds of people, but no luck. Finally he decided it was time to give up for tonight and start again fresh in the morning after he'd had some sleep.

Weaving in and out of the maze of bodies, he made his way slowly in the direction of the car. Not more than ten yards away, the blazing lights of the casinos began to blend and blurr, and the sounds of the strip warped then faded, and the next thing he knew, he was leaning against a car with two men standing in front of him.

"I think he's coming around."

"Hey," one man called, touching his shoulder then drawing his hand back.

"You gonna make it? You wanna go to a hospital?"

"No," Fox struggled to right himself then focused his gaze on the two concerned faces. "I'm...what happened?"

"You were walking by us...you started to go over like in slow motion, and John here caught you before you hit the pavement." He looked at the car. "We just propped you up against the nearest thing. You sure you don't want to go to a hospital?"

"I'm sure."

The man studied the red rimmed, bloodshot eyes and smiled. "Out on a two day bender?"

"No," Fox rasped. Just really tired I guess." He looked around. "I was heading to my car to go to my hotel room so I could get some rest."

"Well, the rest is a good idea but the driving part isn't. In your state you're liable to kill somebody. Why don't you let us get you a cab?"

"Yeah, I..." Fox ran his hands over his face. "I guess that'd be a good idea."
John moved away. "I'll go flag one down."

"Thanks."

The other man stood watching silently as exhausted, sad, green-gray eyes searched the crowd.
"Looking for something?"

Fox shrugged and lowered his eyes. "Yeah...some*body*, actually."

"Oh no, you didn't lose your wife in this mob, did you?"

A wry smile curved the full lips. "No." Fox looked up at the other man and reached into his back pocket for what seemed like the millionth time that evening. "I'm looking for him." He handed the picture to the man and absently asked, "Don't suppose you've seen him, have you?"

Michael looked from Fox to the picture and inhaled sharply.

Eyes glazed over with fatigue quickly cleared.

"*What*?"

"It's him, it's..." He looked to the man who was now jogging toward them. "It's him."

"It's who?" John switched his attention to Fox. "I got your cab waiting. C'mon."

"No...wait." Fox turned pleading eyes to the other man. "You recognize him?"

Michael grinned at the third man. "You're Fox, aren't you?"

"Yeah. How d'you..."

John's head snapped back toward the other.

"No way!"

Still grinning, Michael handed the picture back. "We've seen him."
"You know him? You know where he is?"

"Yes, we know who he is...sort of, but no, we don't know where he is, exactly."

Fox's balloon partially deflated.

"Oh."

"I mean," Michael attempted to clarify his statement, "as of yesterday he was here." He watched the other's eyes brighten again. "But whether or not he's still around is anybody's guess."

"Where exactly did you see him?"

The two men shot each other an apprehensive glance.

"Uh..."

"You picked him up, didn't you?" Fox asked softly. "He was...selling himself."

"So you do know. We weren't sure if you did or not."

No answer.

"Anyway, yeah. Yeah, we hired him for the evening. But nothing happened," Michael added quickly. "John had said something that brought you to mind, and he just kinda fell apart. We know your name because at one point he said, 'I'm sorry, Fox.' We tried to talk to him a little, but he didn't want any part of that. He gave us our money back, apologized and left."

Fox doubled over, hands resting on his knees. "He's here...God, he's here," he whispered then straightened his back. "Show me where you found him."

"C'mon, pal, you're beat. You can just about stand up..."

"I'm not going anywhere," Fox snapped at John, then his tone softened. "I can't now. Not until I find him. Please just tell me where he was last night."

"Okay." John looked to his lover while he spoke to Fox. "Kinda stupid to think you'd want to sleep now."

Michael gave the other man a smile and nod then waved Fox along.
"It's not that far from here."

The three began to walk, the two men flanking Fox in case he decided to take another header into the sidewalk.

As they moved, Fox scanned his surroundings, flashing on and discarding every face that came before his eyes. His heart pounded in time to his footsteps, and his mind raced ahead at double the pace.

Over a month spend searching, and in just a few minutes it could finally be at an end.

And the fear set in.

What if Alex saw him and bolted? What if he refused to speak to him or listen to what he had to say?

//Then you'll hit him over the head, hogtie him, drag him to your hotel room, and keep him there until he's rational.//

//Says the guy who's considering what amounts to kidnapping.//

He mulled that point over for all of twenty seconds before deciding he really didn't give a damn what lengths he had to go to, to get Alex back. It wasn't like he'd left because he'd wanted to. Fox's former friend and partner had driven him away with her razor tongue, in a very short time smashing to bits all that it had taken Fox weeks to build. Well, he wasn't having it. He was in hell, from what these two men had just told him, Alex was in hell, and he would not let it stand.

"Here."

Fox snapped out of his inner thoughts and looked around.

"*Right* here?"

John nodded. "This very spot."

Carefully, Fox surveyed the area.

"Not much action."

"It's still a bit early. In an hour or two, it'll really be jumping."

"Okay. Thank you for your help."

Michael gave his partner a curious glance then gave voice to the question in his head.
"What're you going to do?"

Fox shrugged. "Shit here and wait. See if he shows up."

"You fall asleep out here, and someone'll roll you faster than the time it'll take you to wake up."

"I'm not going to fall asleep."

"You don't think so? You were out on your feet just a few minutes ago."

"But I'm not now. I've got good reason to stay conscious." Fox gave the men a weary smile. "Don't worry, I'll be fine."
"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Well, look. John and I are gonna let you sit here, but we're going to walk around and see if we can't spot him."

Fox studied the two men for a moment then nodded. "That's very kind of you. Thank you."

"No problem."

Fox nodded, giving the men a tired, grateful smile.

When they had gone, he settled back against the bench he'd claimed and looked around.

People everywhere. Winners and losers, easily discernible by their posture and the expressions on their faces as they passed. Tourists leisurely strolling the strip, stopping every few yards to point at this spectacle and that. Staring in awe as the strip's perennial denizens propositioned perspective customers.
But the busy throng offered up not even a glimpse of the one he'd searched long and far for.

"Show up, Alex," he whispered, eyes flicking back and forth. "Please, show up."

********************

"No, I'm sorry, there's no one listed under that name."

"Try M.F. Luder."
"M...F...L.U...."

"D. E. R."

The desk clerk scanned the computer, shaking her head.

"Nnno, no, I'm sorry. No M.F. Luder either."

"Great," the redhead whispered then thanked the clerk and walked outside to meet the rest of her party.
"No luck?"

"No."

"Maybe he isn't even in Vegas," Langly offered. "Or maybe he's been and gone. Or maybe he just said screw the whole thing and went back home. Why don't you try calling him?"

"He hasn't gone home," Scully answered quickly. "I know Mulder. He's like a pitbull. He won't let go of this."

Frohike covered his face, stifling a yawn.

"Well, we've checked every hotel, motel, and bed and breakfast in the area, and he's not at any of them. So, why don't we all go get some sleep then start again in the morning?"

"You two go if you want." Scully held out her hand. "Give me your keys. I'll drop you off at your hotel."

"And what're you gonna do?" Langly asked, recalling Scully's pitbull remark and thinking about that people in glass houses saying.

"I'm going to call Washington. Get a picture of Mulder sent, then re-check all those places we've been to."

Frohike tilted his head back and groaned.

"Okay. All right. I'll go with you. Langly?"

"Yeah," the blonde moaned. "I'm in."

"You guys really don't have to come. I can manage fine on my own."

"Yeah, we know. But it'll go faster with three of us. Then maybe we can actually get some sleep before the sun comes up."

Scully gave the oddball pair a hint of a smile.

"Thanks, guys. I really appreciate your help." She turned and started in the direction of the car. "Well, if we're going to get this done before sun up, we'd better get moving."

********************

Alex lay still and silent, staring up into the darkness. Hands clutching tightly to the material of the shirt he'd taken with him the day he'd fled the cabin, he pulled the garment up to his nose and inhaled. The scent of his love had long faded away, but he wore it anyway, every night, wrapping himself in memories of the one who had for such a brief instant lit the darkness and showed him the way to life...

He should have gone out tonight. He'd heard that there was a florist's convention in town, and there was sure to be a lot of business to be done, but he couldn't. His encounter with those two men the night before and most especially his run-in with Scully today had done him in.

He emitted a soft sigh and considered the two incidents.

First, there was John and Michael. After they'd realized the frame of mind he was in, they'd treated him so decently and wanted to send him back to Fox. Then Scully...*she* treated him like shit...and wanted to send him back to Fox.

Fox...

Sweet, insane, beautiful Fox, who was probably wearing himself to a frazzle, spending all this time...all his money, risking his job and his future. For what?

//For me,// he thought in disgust. //Jesus, for me.//

"You can't do this, Fox," he mumured to no one at all. "I can't let you."

And the only way he could think to stop him was to do what Scully had suggested.

//Find him. Or let him find you. Scully thinks that he's headed here. Keep yourself out in plain sight. Be where he'd most likely expect you to be, and let this thing play out. Inside of a month, he'll have become so disillusioned that he'll be relieved to see you go. He can chalk it all up to a temporary fit of madness, and he'll be none the worse for wear.//

//And you, on the other hand, will be ready for a nice long stay in a rubber room.//

"If I make it that far," he moaned, looking at the clock.

Eleven-ten.

The strip should be jumping about now. If Fox was here, he'd probably be blanketing the most thickly prostitute populated spots, and that would certainly be one of them.

Convincing himself that this what was best for Fox, he slipped out of bed, removing and lovingly folding the shirt, then placing it at the foot of the bed. He pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, grabbed his jacket, and he left.

********************

Fox was fading. Any minute now he'd be down for the count, and nothing save for a really long, really good night's sleep would pick him back up.

John and Michael approached, both men shaking their heads at the sight of the younger man struggling to keep his eyes open.

Fox jumped slightly then blinked up at the two, who stood over him as one spoke.

"You can't do this any more tonight. You've been sitting on this bench for about two and a half hours."

One hand rose to swipe at his face. His voice, when it finally made it past his lips, sounded a low, gravely, one-word question.
"Nothing?"

"Sorry." Michael sat down beside him. "Come on, Fox. You can't sit out here any more. Let us get you to your hotel. Get a good night's sleep, and you can start fresh again in the morning. Please. You're going to get yourself into trouble sitting out here in this state."

Fox was about to answer when another voice, distant but clearly recognizable called to him.

Three heads lifted to watch the small, redheaded woman and two men jog toward them.
"Oh my God, Mulder, look at you!"

"Scully, what the hell are you doing here?" Fox droned, too tired to be as pissed off as he wanted to be.

"Looking for you! My God, I never thought I'd find you. Do you know that Skinner is this close to..." She stopped abruptly, looking over the two men with her partner. "Who are you?"

"They're helping me," Fox answered before either of the other two could speak.
"Helping you what?"

"Do what you never would," Fox snapped, simmering anger bringing back some of his energy. "They're trying to help me find Alex. He's here. In Vegas. They've seen him."

Scully took a deep breath, telling herself that she had to do it and just hope that Krycek would go along with it.

"So have I."

"What?" Fox breathed, clutching the back of the bench for support as he boosted himself to his feet.

"It's true, Mulder," Langly cut in. "Frohike and I saw him too."

"How the hell is it that everyone's seen him but me? Where'd you see him, Scully? When?"

"Earlier today." Another deep breath. "At his apartment."

Tired, hazel eyes flared to life. "You found out where he lives?"

"Yeah. Langly and Frohike saw him first, yesterday. I happened to be with Byers when they told him. I made them follow him and stake the place out until I could get here."

"To what?" Fox began to tremble with premature fury. "Did you talk him? What did you say?"

"Yes, I talked to him. I told him that you were still out looking for him after over a month. That information surprised him. I told him that he should see you. That you needed to work this stuff out."

"You told him that," Fox murmured cautiously, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"Yes, I did. Not because I'm particularly anxious to see him back in your life, Mulder, but because if you don't have him, you won't come home. And your career, and your life will be shot to hell. Skinner is ready to deep six you. You know that by right, he should have done it long ago. He gave me another week to find you and convince you to come back before he started proceedings to have you dismissed."

"Where does he live? Tell me."

"What?"

"*Alex*. Where does he live?"

"Mulder, have you heard one word that I've said to you? Do you care?"

"I heard you, Scully. The only thing I care about right now is getting to Alex. I'll deal with the rest later."

"If there is a later for you."
"Whatever. Where is he?"

Scully looked at the other two men, who were watching in silent fascination.
"Come with me, and I'll show you."

Fox turned to the two who had been kind enough to assisst him and smiled. "I gotta go. Thank you so much for your help."

The two smiled back, and John spoke for them both, handing Fox a card with his name and number.

"You're very welcome. We're glad it worked out for you. Now, go get 'im. Make him understand how you feel if you have to beat it into him."

Fox smiled at the man's intended humor, and he began to follow Scully's lead.
"I'll keep that in mind."

"And then get some sleep!" Michael yelled as the group moved farther away.
"I hope they'll be okay."

Michael turned to his lover and gave him a soft peck on the tip of his nose. "I'm sure they will be. Clearly, that Fox is a persistent bastard."

The other nodded. "A cute, persistent bastard."

"A cute, persistent bastard, out of his mind in love. You can see it all over his face."

John chuckled, scratching at the back of his head as they moved on.

"Yeah, I guess a foursome'd be kinda out of the question, huh?"

********************

Alex moved down the strip, fending off propositions and ignoring the leering grins of those lecherous individuals who were regulars in this part of town. Tonight he was out here for one reason and one reason only. To find Fox and help him get on with his life.

He walked the strip, searching everywhere for the man he never thought he'd lay eyes on again, but he had no luck.

//Maybe the casinos.//

He checked a few of the more densely 'populated' halls, but still nothing.
//How the hell do you expect to ever find him amongst all these people?// he asked himself, exiting the third casino. //Or maybe Scully was wrong. Maybe he isn't here. Maybe he isn't coming at all. Maybe he's just given up and turned around and gone home.//

Alex stopped on the steps of the building and drew in a long, steadying breath.
It would be the best thing for Fox if he'd made the decision to forget about him and go on with his life. Alex knew that, but that tiny hope...the one that Scully had raised in her cruel way, had already taken root and grown within his heart.
The thought of being in Fox's arms again...the idea of waking up next to him and looking into those beautiful eyes...

He wanted that. He needed it, even knowing the way it would surely end. He knew it would kill him to walk away again, but he would at least have the satisfaction of knowing that the next time it would be under Fox's terms, and that it wouldn't hurt him as it had this time.

//You owe him, Alex. Keep looking. If you don't find him by one, you can stop and start again after you've had some rest.//

Rest. That was a good one. The last time he'd truly rested was over a month ago. He remembered the feeling well. Strong arms wrapped securely around him, his head nestled under his lover's chin...the steady beat of Fox's heart beneath his hand, and that soft, gentle voice saying the words that he would carry in his heart forever, even after Fox had long forgotten them...

Giving himself a mental shake, Alex finished descending the steps and continued on toward the next likely spot.

********************

"So, tell me, Scully. What made you think I'd be here in Las Vegas?"

Scully looked across the back seat of the Gunmen's rented car at her partner.

"I'd been trying to find you since you disappeared. I'd tracked you to Palm Springs on the last bank transaction you'd made, and I made the logical assumption that you'd be heading toward Vegas. As I've already said, I was with Byers, asking him to help me find you, and he called these two," she explained, motioning to the men in the front seat, "to tell them to be on the lookout for you. While they were talking, they spotted Krycek leaving the casino they were in. I had them tail him in hopes that you'd already hooked up and were together.

"I took the first flight out and came straight to his apartment building. Asked the super for his apartment number, and I went and confronted him."

"That's what I want to hear about," Fox interrupted. "You'd done enough damage that day at the cabin, and you'd better believe you're going to explain that, but right now I want to know what you said to him this time."

"I told you what I said to him."

"Yeah, and what else?"

Blue eyes slid away from the agitated, gilded stare.

"Nothing else."

Fox's eyes narrowed on his partner.

"I don't believe you. You drove him away, Scully. Whatever you said to him...it had to be pretty bad to make him run away from me like that. So, I don't believe that you just bopped into his apartment, told him that he needed to come back to me, then bopped on out. You must have found some way to twist the knife."

"Mulder, I..."

"We're here."

Fox instantly forgot his conversation with Scully and pointed to the building they pulled up in front of.
"This is it?"

"Yeah," Frohike answered, turning to look from Fox to Scully. Before he could say another word, Fox was throwing his door open and jumping out.
"What apartment?"

"Second floor," Scully murmured, pointing to the third window above them. "Number twenty-one."

Glazed eyes flicked from the two men to the woman.

"Somebody cover the other entrance. One of you watch the front here." He turned his cell phone on. "If he comes out, call me."

He allowed no more time for conversation as he bolted into the building, leaving the other three to sit in silence. Finally, Langly spoke.
"Guess one of us had better get around back."

"You two go," Scully instructed softly. I'll stay here."

The two men nodded and left the car, jogging around to the back of the building, leaving her alone with the dozens of emotions clashing inside her.

//God. Mulder back with that...there isn't even a word bad enough for what he is.//

//Uh huh. But you want him. You made a damn fool of yourself letting him know it, too.//

//Sex. That's all it is with me. That's all I want from him. I mean, there's no denying that the bastard is magnetic, and I haven't had any in a very, very long time. My heart wouldn't be broken if he disappeared, never to be found again.//

She settled deeper into her seat and stared up at the second floor.

//And Mulder's heart wouldn't be broken if he found out what you'd done earlier today? Jesus, Dana, haven't you hurt him enough?//

//He won't find out. Krycek won't tell him.//

//And why's that? Certainly not because he's afraid Mulder won't believe him. So, why? Why wouldn't he tell him?//

"He can't," she whispered to herself. "He's incapable, he's...a snake like him couldn't possibly know how to love..."

********************

Fox climbed the steps to the second floor, sheer adrenaline carrying his tired body forward. When he reached apartment twenty-one, he paused at the door, pressing one hand to the wooden surface, and then his ear. He listened for a few seconds and, hearing nothing, he curled his hand into a fist and knocked.

Nothing.

"Alex. Alex, are you in there? It's Fox."

No answer.

"Baby, please open the door. We need to talk."

Silence.

"Alex, if you don't open the door, I'll kick it in. And don't think about trying to sneak out a window or anything; all avenues of escape are covered." He waited a few seconds more, listening. When still no sound could be heard, he determined that Alex must not be there.

Quickly picking the lock, he let himself in and looked around the dimly lit room.

Small but neat as a pin. Definitely an Alex trait as the few weeks he'd spent with the younger man had taught him.

He walked into the middle of the room and scanned his surroundings. Nothing recognizable except...

Fox walked over to the television and fingered the mantle clock he'd remembered seeing at Alex's other apartment. It obviously had some meaning to the other man, or he wouldn't have taken it with him.

A faint smile touched his weary lips.

//Sentimental. Who'd have guessed?//

He checked the small kitchen, the bathroom, and finally the bedroom. No Alex.
As he passed by the bed, an object at the end of the mattress caught his eye. Reaching down, he lifted the celery green shirt that he recognized as his, and stared at it. He hadn't even noticed that it was missing.

Fox closed his eyes, clutching the shirt to his chest for a moment before putting it down and pulling his cell phone out of his pocket. He punched in Scully's number and waited for less than two whole rings before she answered.

"Scully."

"I'm in."

"Oh. Is...is he there?"

"No."

"Well, he sure didn't come out, so I guess he wasn't there to begin with."

"Yeah. You and the guys can go."
"Go...Mulder, what about you?"

"I'm staying. He's bound to come back sooner or later, and I'm going to be here when he does."

"Well umm..."

"I'll call you."

"When?"

"Whenever."

He disconnected, turned the phone off, then looked around the bedroom once more before unbuttoning his shirt. He removed the garment, dropping it down on the bed, then slid the other on. Bringing the material to his face, he inhaled deeply, his body tingling as Alex's scent permeated his senses. Slowly, he climbed up onto the bed, finding it vaguely curious that the sheets were rumpled as though Alex had gotten up and left quickly.

Too tired to figure it out, he lay down, hugging one of his lover's pillows to his chest and closed his eyes.

********************

Three a.m.

Alex trudged up the stairs to the second floor, tired and unsure as to what his next move would be.

He supposed he could try and locate Scully, much as he despised the notion. Though, if she had seen or heard from Fox, he supposed he would have known it.

He walked to the door and entered the apartment, hating the silence. It added to the pain of loneliness, and there were times when he thought he'd surely go mad if he spent one more day without Fox. But dammit, his mind stayed intact. Just another of life's little punishments.

He walked through the darkness, removing his jacket and draping it across the back of a chair, then moved toward the most hated room in his apartment.
There was nothing worse than lying alone night after night, staring up at the ceiling, remembering what it had been like to have Fox beside him...on him...under him...

And when he finally did fall asleep... The dreams. Damn, the dreams. They were so real. He could see Fox. Smell him...taste...

He walked through the door, unbuttoning his jeans then froze in his tracks as he focused on the dark lump on the bed. His heart and head began to pound in unison as he cautiously moved around the bed to view the side of the body that the light from the window hit.

The pounding turned thunderous as for the first time in over a month he looked down at the face he loved.

He sank to the floor, his legs no longer able to hold him up. The soft thump startled the other man awake, and he sat up quickly, clearly unsure for a moment of where he was.

Alex stared dumbfounded as Fox focused on his face. As the older man reached for the lamp beside the bed, he skittered back and stumbled to his feet.

"Alex," Fox whispered hoarsely, terrified that he would spook the younger man, and he'd bolt.

"What're you..." Alex began, choking on his words. "...how did..."

"Scully. She...she said she'd seen you. She found me and brought me here."
Alex stared, trembling violently. He wanted...God, he wanted to fall into Fox's arms. And he wanted to run. Scream. Die from the shame that consumed him as he looked into the eyes of the man who had so wrongly trusted him.

Instead he did nothing. His bowed his head and squeezed his eyes shut.
Fox rose from the bed and approached slowly, stopping when they were only a foot apart.
"Alex?"

No answer.

"I've missed you so much," he said very softly. "I've been looking for you..."

He thought he heard a tiny whimper, but he couldn't be sure.

"Talk to me. Tell me what happened. What did Scully say to you to make you leave me?"

"I'm sorry, Fox," Alex whispered, lifting his head and looking everywhere but at the man in front of him. "I'm sorry..."

"Don't be sorry. Just tell me what happened."

The confused, green gaze settled momentarily on the other man's face then dropped away.

"You look tired."

"Yeah," Fox breathed. "Haven't slept much."

A deep crease formed between Alex's eyes, and he looked down at the floor.

"Alex, I know this is Scully's doing. I know that, but...why? Why did you choose to believe whatever it was she was shoveling, over me?"

Alex shifted nervously, shaking his head.

"Was there something I could've done?" Fox asked, his voice crackling with barely restrained emotion. "Something more I could've said? Tell me, Alex. What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing," Alex exhaled softly. "You did everything right. It was perfect." He lifted a heartsick gaze to the other. "You were perfect. So much more than I deserved."

"And so you ran away. And put us both through hell for more than five weeks now."

"I...I'm sorry. I didn't think, I...I didn't mean to hurt you, I just..."

Fox watched Alex fight the breakdown he could see coming. Feeling pretty close to the edge himself, he pushed harder, wanting them both to fall.

"You told me you'd never let another man touch you again, Alex."

The younger man's hands clenched into fists, nails digging into his palms.

"You said you hated it...that it made you sick. But you're out here doing the same thing you were doing in L.A., aren't you?"

The inclined sable head nodded slightly.

"Why?"

"Because that's what I am," Alex croaked.

"It's not."

"Worthless, filthy whore..."

"You're not!" Fox roared, pounding on the nightstand beside him for emphasis. He grabbed Alex's shoulders, shaking the startled man with all the strength that his exhausted body could muster. "Those are Scully's words, and they're not true! You're the same man you were at the cabin! You're there under all this fucking doubt and self loathing, I know you are!" His eyes burned into the other's. "I see it," he rasped, hands sliding away from Alex's shoulders to the front of his shirt. His fingers curled in the material, and he swayed slightly as what remained of his energy waned.

"I love you, Alex," he half panted, half sobbed. "And this hurts like hell."

Alex wrapped his arms around the older man to keep him upright, then maneuvered him to the bed and laid him back against the pillows.

"I'm sorry, he whispered, brushing the hair away from Fox's face. "I swear, I never meant to hurt you, Fox. I was trying to *keep* from hurting you."

"How could you think that?" Fox droned, fighting to keep his eyes open. "How could you think that loving you the way I do, what you did wouldn't tear me up?"

"I don't know, I...I guess I wasn't thinking straight."

"What did she say to you?" Fox's voice was now barely audible.

"It doesn't matter."

"Five weeks, Alex." Heavy eyes looked up at the younger man. "It matters."

Alex hesitated then spoke.

"She just...she spoke her mind. It wasn't anything I didn't already know..."

"So all the time I spent trying to convince you that you were good enough...that you were exactly what I wanted...it was all wasted? You never believed a word of it?"

"Fox, go to sleep. You can hardly keep your eyes open."

"Answer me."

The tone in Fox's voice left Alex no choice but to obey.

"I did believe you. I wanted to so much. Until she reminded me of who and what I was. How can a man who's been what I've been possibly give you all the love you deserve to have?"

"It isn't your call to make," Fox said sternly. "And it sure the fuck isn't Scully's. It's mine." He lifted a trembling hand to the younger man's face. "Alex, you've given me more than I could've ever hoped for. You're everything I want in the world..." He blinked to clear the tears that suddenly blinded him. "Please believe me."

Alex's eyes welled up as he looked down at the man whom he had no doubt loved him more than he could ever deserve.
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