Part 3


Sitting at the edge of the bed, he leaned down, laying his head on Fox's shoulder, and the older man wrapped him in a snug embrace.

"I love you, baby," Fox sniffed, brushing the silky hair with his mouth.

"You can really love me knowing that I've turned around and done exactly what I promised you I never would again?"

Fox tightened his hold on the younger man, burying his face in his hair. "Scully screwed you up," he whispered. "She caused all this."

Alex felt his guts twist a little more.

"I could've just gone into hiding, but I didn't. Scully didn't hold a gun to my head and force me back onto the street."

"You didn't just up and decide that you wanted to leave me and go back to prostitution, Alex. Scully watched you. She studied you, and she found out where you were most vulnerable, and then she hit you where it hurt. What happened is her fault...and it's mine."

Alex's head jerked up and stared wide-eyed down into the other man's face.

"*No*. Nothing is your fault."

"I think it is," Fox said wearily. "I should've known that in just a few weeks I couldn't erase all the damage that it's taken years to do. That was pretty damned egotistical of me. I'm just realizing that right now. I'm sorry, Alex. I'm sorry for putting so much pressure on you."

"No. No. Stop it. You didn't do anything wrong. I won't let you take the blame for my shit." Alex looked down into almost closed eyes. "You're so tired, Fox. Please go to sleep."

The older man shook his head but said nothing.
"Why not?"

"I'm afraid that when I wake up, you'll be gone again."

"I won't. I...I won't go anywhere."

Fox stared doubtfully up at the younger man.

"I sh...I shouldn't have run away that first time. I won't do it again."

Fox's gaze softened. "You promise you'll stay, and we'll work this all out?"

Alex nodded. "I promise." He brushed the golden-brown eyelashes with his fingertips. "Go to sleep."

"What about you?"

"What *about* me?"

"You're tired too."

"A little."

"I'll sleep if you do."

Alex fidgeted for a moment, giving no response, but Fox's voice, so soft and profoundly missed drifted back up to his ears.

"I missed sleeping with you."

Alex looked down into a shimmering sea of green, blue and gold, filled with infinite love and sorrow, and his insides melted even as his heart leapt into his throat.

So beautiful. God, he could never forget how beautiful this man was. The memory of him lingered, staying as vivid as the fusion of colors in his magnificent eyes.

There was nothing else to do. No other decision to make. He swung his legs up onto the bed and lay down beside Fox, their bodies mere inches apart.

Not good enough.

Fox reached out, pulling the younger man into his arms, satisfied only when they were pressed intimately together, sharing breath and heat.

A deep, weary moan rumbled in Fox's chest as he drew one hand up and down Alex's back.

"Nothing matters," he whispered into the sable hair. "The past...what you did, who you were...none of it. This is what's right. Only this. Just you and me."

Alex could feel himself falling again. God, it was so easy. So simple to listen to that soothing voice saying all the things he so desperately wanted to hear and believe. But there was another voice. Tucked way back there in his mind, interfering with Fox's promises of heaven, telling him not to get too wrapped up in the fantasy because soon enough the glow would wear off, and he would be alone again. This time for good.

Drifting steadily into darkness, Fox thought he felt a wet warmth begin to flow over his chest, but was too far gone to question it. Seconds later, he descended into the first real sleep he'd had in weeks.

********************

Alex arose from a heavy slumber, startled to find a pair of hazy, green-gray eyes staring at him. He closed his eyes and dragged in a deep breath, then opened them as he let it out.

"What is it?"

That soft, husky monotone. God, it was real.

"I j...I thought last night might have been a dream."

Continuing to stare, Fox said nothing.

"How long have you been awake?" He really didn't need to ask. He'd learned from the color of Fox's eyes to the timbre of his voice how to determine his state of wakefulness.
"Not long. How did you sleep?"
"Okay. You?"

Fox reached out, stroking the younger man's hair. "Better than I have in over a month." He fell silent for a while, letting his hand drift down to Alex's face, caressing the lightly stubbled cheek.

"Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you miss me?"

The younger man's gaze lowered to Fox's chest, and he nodded.

"How did it feel?"

"How did what feel?"

"Being alone again."

"....Appropriate."

Fox emitted a deep sigh.

"...Excruciating."

Fox nodded. "How about now?"

Alex kept his eyes averted.

"...Awkward...frightening."

Fox's brow creased.

"It...I'd hoped it would feel good."

"I...I don't," Alex stammered, "I'm too scared to feel much else."
"Why are you so afraid?"

"I don't know. I..." Alex went silent, not knowing how to explain.

Fox moved closer, draping an arm over the other man and pulling him into his warmth.

"You were scared the first time, remember?"

"Yeah..."

"The fear went away, didn't it?"

"Mostly...after a while." Wary green eyes rose to meet Fox's. "Didn't last for long, though."

"An unfortunate interruption," Fox murmured, stroking his thumb across Alex's lower lip. "We can pick up where we left off now. Start again if we have to. We'll take it real slow. You'll have complete control."

Alex cocked his head in curiosity, and Fox gave him a reassuring smile.

"You tell me what, where, when, how much. My main concern is that you're comfortable. I don't want you to be scared."

Alex lowered his head, rapidly blinking away the moisture he felt stinging his eyes.

"All I've done to you, and you still want to take care of me."

"I love you," Fox answered simply. "And I'll do anything for you."

Alex knew it was true. And that fact made him ache.

"S..." God, he hated even saying her name. "Scully said that if you weren't back to work in a week, Skinner was going to have you dismissed."

"Yeah."

"You have to go back."

"I don't have to. If you don't want to go back to D.C., we can stay here. Or we can go someplace else."

"No," Alex argued softly. "I won't let you give up your job. I'll go back to Washington with you. I was out looking for you this morning to tell you that."

"Is that what you were doing before you came back here?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. I thought you might have been..." Fox's voice trailed off and he lowered his eyes.

Alex knew what he was going to say.

"No. I was just out looking for you."

The older man nodded then raised his eyes. "Alex, you don't have to..."

"I know that," the younger man cut in. "I want to."

Fox studied the other man, shaking his head.

"I know I probably shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth but...you took off on me...left without a word. We're together after five weeks of hell, only because I came to you, and now you're just going to up and come home with me?"

"I told you I shouldn't have left," Alex murmured. "It was stupid to let Scully run me off." He forced himself to look up at the older man. "I should have ignored her and listened to you."

"What you should've done, Alex, was trust that I knew what was in my own heart.

"Scully sees me as a stubborn child who refuses to do what's good for him just because she says so. So now, she's attempting psychology on the psychologist. She thinks that if she backs off and lets me do what I want to do, that I'll realize on my own, in time, that you're not what I want, and this'll all blow over. Is that the bullshit she tried running on you when she came to see you? She convinced you that I'd be better off if you let me dump you, right?"

Alex lowered his head and said nothing.

"It is, isn't it?"

Still nothing

"Alex?"

The younger man raised his head, hearing the soft, emotional utterance of his name.

"Please don't see me the way she does." Fox cupped the younger man's cheek, eyes searching for what he needed. "Please trust that I know what I want. I didn't follow you all this way just to dump you a few months from now." His thumb rasped across the stubbled flesh. "Have faith in me," he whispered, desperation edging his tone. "I swear to Christ, I won't hurt you."

So sincere. So damned sure.
Why shouldn't he believe?

"I trust you, Fox," Alex croaked. "It was never a question of that."

"Then, what is it a question of?"

Alex sighed and looked away.

"Can I trust myself?"

"To do what?"

"To not fuck up."

Fox turned the younger man's face back to his.

"I'm not looking for perfection. Everybody fucks up at some point in their lives. All I need is your love and your trust. Give me those two things, Alex, and the rest will all fall into place."

Alex snorted softly, shaking his head.

"I should've known."

"What?"

"That you would have figured it out. I'm no better than Scully is, I suppose."

Fox sought to reassure the younger man.

"She's very good at knowing how to work a person's vulnerable spots. She knows the guilt you're lugging around. She knows you love me, even if she'll never admit it, and she's trying to use it to rein me in."

"She wants to keep you from ruining your life. So do I."

"At your expense. She doesn't care if you come away damaged in this little plot of hers," Fox accurately predicted. "In fact, it'd be a nice little extra added bonus for her, I'm sure." He shrugged. "That's fine. Let her think she's succeeded. She'll figure out in time that I've got exactly what I want, and I'm not letting it go." He rested his forehead against the younger man's, his voice oozing with tenderness. "And so will you."

Alex closed his eyes, trembling as silent hope swelled in his heart.

"I want you to be yourself, Alex. Don't drive yourself crazy trying to be flawless for fear that I'll become disillusioned and throw you aside. I know who you are. Baby, look at me."

Sable eyelashes fluttered then opened, and deep emerald eyes turned up to the older man's face.

Fox caressed Alex's jaw, and he leaned in, dusting his lips with a soft kiss.

"I love you. Not some delusional notion of what I could turn you into. Not some non-existent image that my addled, juvenile mind may have cooked up. *You*." He searched the younger man's eyes. "Is any of this filtering through?"

The younger man drew a shaky breath and nodded.

"Then why do you still look so scared?"

"Because I...I don't know what to do."

"What do you feel like doing?"

"You probably shouldn't be asking me that."

"I wouldn't ask if I really didn't want to know....Alex?"

Silence.

"Please tell me."

Alex opened and closed his mouth a couple of times before finding his voice.

"I used to be pretty good at deluding myself," he began hoarsely. "Making myself believe that there wasn't anything or anyone I needed." He turned a glistening gaze on the other man. "You blew all of that right out of the water..."

Fox lay silently, listening.

"You said Scully views you as a child....no. Not you. I'm the one. And the thing is, it doesn't feel wrong. I find myself wanting to just...close my eyes and let go. I want to put myself in your hands and let you take care of everything..."

"If that's really what you want to do," Fox said, gently nuzzling Alex's cheek, "then just go ahead and do it."

"It's not fair to you," Alex replied almost inaudibly. "You don't need an emotional leech."

"That's not what you are."

"It's what I feel like. I want to hold on to you, Fox, and never let go. I'd never felt balance or safety until you brought it to me. And once I had it, I never wanted to lose it. I swear to God, I don't know where I found the nerve to leave you at the cabin. I don't...I don't know how I kept driving. The farther from you I got, the colder it was...the emptier I felt. But I kept hearing..."

Fox waited to see if Alex would continue. When he didn't, he asked softly, "Hearing what?"

"Scully's voice." Alex looked cautiously up into the older man's face. "Telling me how I wasn't nearly good enough for you. That I was cheap and unworthy of you. It was easy enough to believe since that's what I'd thought to begin with."

"Alex..."

"I knew you loved me, Fox. I did. And I thought that maybe it had blinded you to who I really was. I figured it was easier for Scully to see..."

"How? If you could think I was blinded by love, why couldn't she be blinded by hatred?"

Alex bowed his head. "Guess she could. But her opinion of me somehow seemed more accurate."
"Does it still?"

Alex shrugged. "I still think you're crazy for wanting me, but I'm grateful that you do. The last five weeks have been...I can't even describe it. I just...I lived with the agony of what I'd done every minute of every day. But I was determined that I wasn't going to go back and fuck up your life. I...I needed to try and do right by you. Only it turned out to be the stupidest thing I could've done. I never expected you to be out all this time looking for me. You've risked your career...probably spent a small fortune...I'm sorry, Fox. You'll never know how sorry."

"None of that means anything," Fox answered evenly. "And I don't want those to be the reasons you stay with me. Stay because you love me."

Alex focused a forlorn stare on the other man. "I left you because I love you."

Fox nodded and kissed the tip of the younger man's nose. "I knew that," he murmured. "That's why I never gave up looking for you. I had to find you to tell you what an incredibly stupid move you'd made." He gave Alex a lopsided grin. "And to drag you back...hogtied and gagged if necessary."

Alex emitted a short burst of laughter, ending it on a soft sob as he laid his head against the older man's shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, losing his brief struggle to hold back the tears he felt building. "I really screwed up..."

"It's okay," Fox murmured soothingly. "It's all right now."

He lay quietly, stroking the younger man's back, listening to his restrained sobs and wishing that the little redheaded horror he'd once thought of as his best friend was here to bear witness. Although she probably wouldn't for a minute believe that Alex's tears were genuine...

When the tremors had ceased, and Alex had gone completely quiet, Fox lifted his head and smiled down into glassy, bloodshot eyes.

"So now that you've soaked my shirt..."

Alex's regard fell to the large wet spot on the older man's celery green...

He looked up and gave Fox a reticent smile. "Sorry, I..." He gently stroked the material. "I just wanted something of yours."
"I didn't even know it was gone. You wear it?"

"Yeah," Alex croaked, curling his fingers in the loose folds. "I usually sleep in it...I could smell you for a little while, then it faded."

Fox brought the collar to his nose and inhaled.

"Now it smells like you. That's why I put it on last night." The back of his hand brushed the underside of the younger man's chin. "I told you before that I missed you, Alex, but it's not sufficient. There aren't words enough."

Mesmerized by the other man's loving gaze, Alex timidly raised his hand, and his fingers trembled across Fox's mouth.

"I know," he whispered, moving closer, replacing his fingers with his lips.

"Every day without you was hell. Every night was a torture worse than anything I'd ever experienced. I'd close my eyes, and I could feel you. I could smell you and taste you, and...I'd open my eyes, and you weren't there."

"I'm here now."

Alex nodded in response to the raspy statement then offered his mouth to the older man. He clung tightly to Fox, drowning in his tender kiss and the joy of once again being wrapped in his arms...and in fear of waking up and finding that this was just another vivid dream.

Fox's fingers tangled in his lover's hair, and he deepened the kiss, compelling Alex to understand that it was real. That he would not vanish and leave him in agony, but as he'd come to realize, Alex's insecurities ran deep, and when Fox tried to break the kiss and pull away, the younger man clutched at him, whimpering softly.

"I'm not going anywhere," Fox soothed. "Nothing could make me leave you."

He shifted position, turning Alex flat on his back, then draped himself over the other, stroking a few wild locks of hair away from his face. "I just want you to relax."

"Stupid, huh?" Alex droned, his voice breaking as he shuddered slightly. "I take off on you, and now I'm afraid of you leaving me."

"It's not stupid. You feel how you feel." Fox leaned in and placed a tender kiss on the tip of Alex's nose. "If it makes you happy, I won't leave your sight. I can cuff us together if you like."

Alex reached up and, twining his arms around Fox's neck, pulled the older man down to lie on top of him.

"I've got no right to ask anything of you," he sighed even as he held Fox tightly to him. "But I can't turn it off. Can't stop it..."

"It's all right," Fox assured him, kissing the curve of his neck. "You just need some time. The fear will go away."

But time, if Scully got her wish, would prove to be his enemy.

No. Oh, no. No, no, no.

He couldn't go back to the cold desolation of the life that lingered just outside the warm circle of Fox's embrace. He couldn't lie beneath one more man, pretending to enjoy his foul touch while the ghost of Fox's love haunted him. He couldn't do it. He wouldn't. He'd sooner die, and if that turned out to be his only option, then so be it. The world wouldn't be any the poorer for his passing, that was for damn sure.

But he wanted to stay. Deserving or not, he wanted more than just a few weeks or a few months. He wanted a life revolving around this man lying here with him. He'd gladly pay for his sins a million times over in the next world, but in this one, he needed to realize the paradise promised to him in the beautiful, green-gold eyes that looked on him with such genuine love.

And he'd do whatever he had to do to keep it.
"Baby?"

Alex pulled himself out of his thoughts and turned glassy eyes up to the other man.

"You were pretty far away," Fox said softly, brushing his fingertips over the younger man's cheek. "What were you thinking about?"

"Just...how grateful I am that I've got a second chance to do this right. And I will," he vowed. "I promise, Fox, I won't screw up again. I won't...I won't give you any reason to regret wanting me back."

Figuring that any type of argument at that moment would be pointless, Fox simply nestled into Alex's embrace, scattering soft kisses over the younger man's throat and collarbone. When he lifted his head and looked down, it was into eyes filled with so much love and pain, that his heart skipped several beats before finally settling into a hard rhythm.

"Alex."

Liquid, emerald eyes stared up at the older man in silent response.

Fox lowered his head, brushing his mouth over Alex's.

"Do something for me."

"Anything," Alex whispered, meaning it with his whole heart and soul.

"Put everything out of your mind. Absolutely everything...and let me make love to you."

The room temperature felt to Alex as though it had shot up thirty degrees, yet he began to shiver like it had dropped well below freezing.

"Alex?" Concern glazed Fox's eyes as he rolled to his side, pulling Alex into his arms. "What is it? Tell me what's wrong."

"You want me," Alex gasped softly then closed his eyes and buried his face in Fox's shirt. "Even though I..."

"Jesus, Alex, of course I do," Fox interrupted, hugging the younger man to him. "Do you not understand that that's what I've been saying to you?"

"I...I'm just...you know what I've been out here doing." Alex looked up at the older man, sheer misery etching his features. "I left you and everything I knew of love, and came back to this." He trembled more violently. "What does that say about me? God, Fox, you're too good for this filth. You shouldn't have to accept it..."

"Alex, listen to me." Fox kissed the sable head and ran his hand slowly up and down the other man's back. "I hate that other men have touched you. I hated it when you weren't mine, and I detest it even more now that you are. But I love you. And I know that in your heart it isn't something you wanted to do. I know you're hurting, baby. Let me try and make it better."

Two drops of moisture slid from the tips of Alex's lashes as he blindly searched for his lover's mouth, easily finding the soft warmth. He broke the kiss only briefly to tilt his head into a more comfortable position, and when he returned, he could taste the salt of his own tears on Fox's mouth.

"Love you," he croaked between desperate kisses. "S-so much."

"I know," Fox breathed, gently rolling Alex onto his back. "Never doubted it."

Alex lay panting, trying unsuccessfully to control the violent tremors that passed through him as Fox began to slowly remove his shirt.

"And I love you," the older man swore. "No matter what." He pulled Alex's arms out of the shirt and let it drop to the floor. As he started on the previously unbuttoned jeans, he shifted his head, bringing his mouth in line with the other man's ear. "And you belong to me," he rasped possessively, knowing it was what Alex needed to hear.

Alex drew in a stuttering breath and let it out as the heat of Fox's words danced along each raw nerve. He clung helplessly to the older man as he was stripped of the rest of his clothing, and when Fox's weight lifted off of him, he opened his eyes, panicking only momentarily until he realized that Fox was now undressing himself.

Starved green eyes watched as Fox slithered out of his shirt then went to work on his pants, smoothly removing all of which stood in the way of mind numbing pleasure. The instant the last article of clothing hit the floor, Alex held his arms out, welcoming his lover's naked body back into his embrace.

"Jesus, I missed you," he gasped, running his hands over Fox's back and the curve of his rear just before the older man took his mouth in a breath-stealing kiss.

The bright light that flooded the room faded to a dull red as Alex's eyes closed, and he sank into an ocean of sensuality.

More than a month had passed, but nothing had changed. Desire for this man still burned as hot as it had then. It consumed Alex, obliterating every thought that didn't revolve directly around his need to die that shattering, exquisite death in his lover's arms and be brought back to life with soft words of love and the tenderest of kisses...

Fox pulled away from Alex's mouth, his heart pounding triple time as he watched his lover's sinfully long lashes flutter and rise. Forest green eyes stared up at him, and that perfect mouth formed words which Fox strained to hear.

"Could kiss you forever."

The older man smiled down at the one beneath him.

"For a man who refused to let me kiss him at all at first..."

"Refused everybody. Don't know why, but I had to preserve some part of myself. But that second night with you...even though I didn't know it was you...you made me feel so wanted. So safe. I wanted to give you everything...all that I had left. I still do." Alex gazed up at the older man, a thoroughly, heartbreakingly earnest expression in his eyes. "Please, Fox. Take it all. I realize it isn't enough, but all I've got is yours."

Fighting the sudden threat of tears, Fox lowered his head, his soft, shuddering sigh whispering over Alex's lips before he began to feed gently on them. His trembling hands wandered, rediscovering the familiar, satiny texture of his lover's skin, and all at once, the urge to taste it overwhelmed him.

Alex stifled a small cry as Fox's mouth left his and began a lazy trek over his chin and down his convulsing throat, sucking and licking at every inch of skin in its path. Fox's soft growl of pleasure as Alex kneaded and caressed the tensing muscles of his back, resonated throughout the younger man's body, and fueled his desire to please his lover. He arched beneath Fox, moaning his name as the older man moved lower, letting the tip of his tongue flick across a constricted nipple, and Fox shivered at the sound.

To hear Alex's voice again, so soft and pleading, calling his name, swelled his heart and his cock to ludicrous proportions.

"What is it, baby?" he whispered then pulled the nipple into his mouth, dragging his tongue across the tip as he sucked lightly.

Alex whimpered frantically as he writhed beneath the other man, and his fingers dug into Fox's shoulders, squeezing the flexing muscles.

"Fox..." his voice trailed off, fading into a low hum as the other man's teeth grazed over the nipple, and he moved over to its neglected twin.

Having lavished equal attention on the second brown peak, Fox lifted his head and focused a smoldering, gilded stare on the younger man.

"Hearing you say my name still makes my cock throb."

Alex moaned at hearing the stark admission and slipped one hand between them to caress his lover's rigid organ. "So warm," he whispered, letting his fingers glide lazily over the shaft. "I've been so cold inside, Fox. So dead way deep down inside. I miss your heat. I need it..."

Half closed eyes studied the younger man, and Fox moved his hand down to cover the one stroking slowly over his cock. "It's there for you. You feel it?"

Alex nodded, releasing a quivering rush of breath before submitting to his lover's kiss.

Drowning in tenderness, he hardly noticed when Fox grasped both of his hands, pinning them to the mattress on either side of his head. Only when Fox broke the kiss an eternity later and moved down to suck at the curve of his shoulder, did he fully realize that he'd been restrained.

Squirming beneath the older man's grip, Alex panted and whimpered, his actions conveying his arousal as eloquently as any coherent words could have. Fox's answering growl as he moved on to the younger man's exposed throat spoke of his own excitement, and when Alex arched up against his mouth, he had all he could do not to sink his teeth into the tender flesh.

Contenting himself with inflicting a vivid mark of possession, Fox dragged his tongue across the wounded patch of skin then looked up at the other.

"We need a couple of rubbers."

Alex wiggled under the other man and tried to stretch in the direction of the nightstand.

"I'll get them."

"Don't you move," Fox commanded softly, pressing Alex's hands to the mattress for emphasis. "I'll get them."

Pulling the drawer open, he shifted slightly to look inside. The sight of five boxes of condoms and several tubes of lubrication in the deep compartment shook him for a moment, but he composed himself quickly, took what he needed, and returned to his lover.

Remorseful green eyes met Fox's gaze, but Alex said nothing.

What the hell could he possibly say? He caught the look on Fox's face as the older man got a load of his 'work supplies', and no matter how well aware Fox was that Alex had gone back to hustling...no matter how quickly he had recovered from the initial jolt of seeing the contents of the drawer, it wasn't fast enough to keep Alex from seeing that 'slapped across the face' hurt in his eyes.

Unable to face that look, he started to turn away.

"Don't," was all that Fox said, grasping a handful of sable hair, giving Alex no other choice but look up directly into his eyes.

How this man could still want him, and, Christ, still love him was far beyond his capacity to understand...

Eyes never leaving his lover's face, Fox ripped one package open and rolled the condom over his own erection then opened the other and gently slipped it down over Alex's cock.

"What do you want me to do, Alex?" he asked softly, lubing himself. "Do you want me to lose my mind? Tear this place apart and beat you within an inch of your life for running out on what we had and coming back to what you'd promised me you were through with?"

He lifted the younger man slightly, positioning the head of his cock between the cheeks of the other's ass.

"Do you want me to wring my hands and whine and cry over all the men you've fucked after you swore I was all you wanted?"

He pushed slowly, stretching the ring of muscle he encountered, and drawing a soft sob from the man beneath him.

"You want to witness the vast extent of my pain so you can feel justified in hating yourself and then go and fulfill the destiny you still believe is yours? Or do you want me to just come to my senses, get my ass the hell out of here as fast as I can, and never look back?"

Alex pressed his lips together in an attempt to prevent their trembling, and said nothing.

"Can't do any of that," Fox gasped, plunging deeper into his lover's body. "I love you. It doesn't matter how many men you've fucked. Nothing could hurt me more than losing you."

A choked cry broke past the compressed lips as Alex twisted the sheets in his clenched fists.

"You don't belong to that life," Fox pressed on, establishing a steady rhythm. "I won't let it have you." He picked up the pace as desire and anxiety increased. "You're*mine*."

Alex's eyes filled with tears as joy, agony, and the intense need for release clashed within him. Unable to sort out the massive jumble of emotions, the tears began to flow, and his muffled cries became louder and more frenzied until he lost complete control.

"It's okay," Fox whispered brokenly, grasping his distraught lover's cock and pumping it in time to his thrusts. "Let...let it all out..."

And Alex did let it out. All the pain, all the love, all the misery and hate and pent up hunger came pouring out all at once, catching both men up in its fury. Sobbing frantically, he clung to Fox, fighting to keep them connected as Fox reared back into a kneeling position. He wrapped his legs around the older man, bearing down to insure that the cock inside him was in as far as it could go, then he began to rock wildly, urging Fox to match his pace.

Clamping both arms around the younger man, Fox pulled him closer, trapping his cock between them and moved in counterpoint to Alex's erratic thrashing.
"Been too long," he grated, feeling the finish fast approaching. He pulled Alex's head up off of his shoulder and looked into overflowing eyes. "You're home, baby." His fingers curled just a bit more tightly in the sable strands they held, pulling Alex's head down and brushing their cheeks together as he breathed into the younger man's ear, "Come for me."

Alex clawed at Fox's back, whimpering wildly as they rocked against each other, and he felt the beginning of his climax approach. He wrapped himself tightly around his lover, holding on to Fox as if he'd never let go, and the older man released the grip on his hair, allowing Alex to drop his head onto his shoulder.

Fox hugged the other man to him, glorying in the heat of his lover's passion and suffering every fragment of his agony as they tumbled together into the abyss. He grated urgent, broken words of love into Alex's ear as the younger man thrashed against him, wailing harshly, and when his own roars of pleasure died, and he again became aware of his surroundings, he realized that Alex was now slumped against him, shuddering violently, his shoulder muffling the younger man's cries.

Finding the strength he needed to move, Fox leaned forward, gently lowering Alex to the mattress. Using one hand to support the other's back, he used the other to withdraw his cock and remove the condom. Next, he slid Alex's rubber off of his spent organ and disposed of both, then settled himself over the younger man's chest. He brushed a few damp strands of hair away from Alex's forehead and kissed one tear-drenched cheek before speaking.

"Easy, sweetheart," he said softly to the gasping man as he forced himself to control his own emotions. "Come on, take a breath."

With much coaxing from the older man, Alex's sobbing abated, and he finally managed to get his respiration under limited control. The tremors, however, remained, vibrating through his body at regular intervals.

"You gonna be okay?"

Alex looked up into his lover's concerned face, and then his eyes snapped shut. The tremors again turned to intense shudders as he fought to hold back a fresh round of tears.
"Alex?"

//I'm so scared, Fox, I know what you said but...I want to be what you want, I'll try so hard, just don't ever leave me or make me leave, please, I couldn't take being away from you again...I'll be good, I promise, I'll be good...//

"M'okay."

"You're not."

Alex forced himself to open his eyes and look up at the other man.

"I...am, I...never...never thought I'd see you again, or..." Alex took a great gulp of air to try and steady his words. "...touch you..."

Fox believed the few words Alex had just spoken, but he wasn't so stupid as to believe that was all there was to it. Sighing softly, he rolled onto his back and pulled the younger man into his arms.

Alex responded immediately, wrapping his arms around Fox, tucking his hands between the older man's back and the bed. Head wedged securely under Fox's chin, he squeezed his eyes shut and pretended, even if just for a minute, that none of the previous five weeks had ever happened. He'd never run away, leaving Fox to wonder what the hell had happened...never picked up and moved and did the things that he'd done...he'd never been disloyal to the one person in the world he'd rather die than betray.

He'd never let all those men fuck him...

Yeah, he had.

He stifled a tiny whimper as the images of every customer he'd had in the past five weeks spun in his head.

The rodeo cowboy from Oklahoma who was apparently fond of riding his men as hard as he did the broncos he busted...the boxer who just had to take his split decision loss out on somebody...the Shriner who preferred to sit back whacking off while Alex and another hooker went at it...

Then, of course, there was that gang bang he'd been the guest of honor at not long after he'd arrived in Vegas...

He'd had so many cocks up his ass and in his mouth that night, he'd lost count. And when it was over, he'd simply gotten up, got dressed, and walked away without a second look or a word to any of them.

He'd returned to his apartment directly and, not even bothering to remove his jacket, dropped down onto the sofa and pulled the wad of cash from his pocket. He'd spread the money out on the coffee table and sat staring at it long after the faint rays of the morning sun had come filtering in through the blinds. Then, finally at around nine a.m., he rose, leaving the money where it was, and showered and crawled into bed, where he'd remained for an entire twenty four hours.

So many thoughts had passed through his head in the few waking hours he'd had, not the least of which was the very tempting desire to bring his long ignored gun out of retirement and use it one last time. But something kept stopping him.

He'd very easily ruled out the will to live; an existence without the one he'd loved and abandoned was hardly what he could call living. Cowardice had been a definite no as well. He'd never feared death, and in this case, it would be a welcome visitor.

But, he'd convinced himself that a quick death would have been too good an end for him. He'd deserved every bit of the agony he was suffering and more.
That was it. Punishment. Severe and painful as possible. It was what he'd deserved. It was all he'd deserved.

And so the next morning, he'd risen. And started it all over again.
So it had gone until last night, when he'd walked in and found his heart's deepest desire asleep here in his bed. And the hell of what he'd done had stepped forward to lay claim to his soul. But now Fox was here. He'd come for what was his. And hell was in for one bitch of a knock down, drag out fight...

"Every night," Fox murmured, kissing the top of the younger man's head, "I lay awake in some strange bed, and I thought about the nights we'd spent together...remembering how good it felt to have my arms around you..." He let one hand glide up and down the other's back. "...How smooth your skin was...the sound of your voice, all soft and breathless after we'd both come, telling me how much you loved me. All those things and so much more are what kept me looking for you. I knew it wasn't a lie, what we had. And I knew that you were hurting just as much as I was."

Alex hugged Fox tightly and nodded. "I'm sorry," he sniffed. "I was so stupid. So..."

"Messed up," Fox interjected. "And scared. And easily thrown off balance."

"Guess I still am."

Fox coaxed Alex to look up at him. "It's okay. We'll get through it together. I love you, baby, and I'm here. I always will be, I promise." He tightened his hold on the younger man. "We're going to fix everything. And we're going to have that life we talked about before Scully came and ruined it."

Silence.
"Alex?"

The sable head lifted, and Alex fixed an unsteady gaze on the other.

"I heard you," he whispered and attempted to give Fox a smile.

"But you don't believe me."

Again Alex lowered his head to Fox's chest, trying to get closer to his lover's warmth.

"I believe you," He said, trying to sound convincing. He might have got away with it had it been anyone else he'd said it to, but Fox could hear the undercurrent of uncertainty running through every word.

//Talk is cheap, Mulder. It hasn't done a whole lot for you so far, remember?

Just show him. And keep showing him until he gets it.//

"Hey."
"Hmm?"

"I just realized I'm starving. How about some breakfast?"

Alex lifted his head and shrugged as he looked down at Fox's chin.

"I don't know that I've got a whole lot here. Haven't been to the store in a while..."

"That's okay," Fox answered, his hands continuously moving over his lover's bare skin. "I was actually thinking about going out for something, anyway."

"Oh. Uh...yeah, w-well, I could," Alex stuttered trying to lift himself away from Fox, "go get something and bring it back..."

Fox held on to the younger man for a moment as he studied him, then nodded and loosened his grip.

"If that's what you want to do," he said quietly and evenly. "But I'll go. Name your poison. Bagels, donuts...Egg McMuffins...whatever. Just point me in the right direction, and I'll run out and pick it up."

"No, you stay here and rest," Alex insisted, squirming out of the circle of Fox's arms. "I'll go."

With a soft sigh, Fox released the younger man and watched him rise. He tracked Alex's every move as he drifted naked around the room, gathering his attire for the day. Then he disappeared into the tiny hall giving only a quick backward glance, and a ghost of a smile.

Fox heard the faint sound of the shower going on, then he propped himself up against the pile of pillows he'd arranged, and he sat staring at the nearest window.

Window.

He sat up quickly, startled as a thought entered his mind.

//Shit, is there a window in there?//

//No, stupid, think about it. There are only windows on this side of the apartment. The bathroom's on the other side.//

Fox relaxed against the pillows and let out a deep sigh of relief.

//But you can't see the bathroom from here. What if he just leaves the water running and sneaks out the door?//

//Knock that shit off. He won't do that. He promised you last night. Trust him the way you want him to trust you.//

Fox eased himself back against the pillows and sat quietly, eyes closed, until some five minutes later he heard the water shut off. He opened his eyes then, and let out a long breath.

Minutes later, Alex appeared dressed in faded jeans and a plain white t-shirt. His still damp hair glistened in the morning light as he tentatively approached the bed and stopped about four feet in front of it.

"I'm uh...I'm gonna go now," the younger man announced, meeting Fox's eyes briefly before he started to turn away.

"Alex."

The single word stopped him in his tracks and turned him around to face the man in his bed.

Fox crooked two fingers, motioning for Alex to approach, and he did, stopping when his thighs hit the edge of the mattress. Fox reached up and, curling the fingers of one hand in his t-shirt, pulled him down for a tender yet thorough kiss.

"Don't be long," the older man instructed softly, nuzzling Alex's cheek and jaw.

"I w...I won't," Alex responded, more than a bit disconcerted by his lover's nearness, and the strong reaction of his body not more than an hour after they had finished making love.

Fox smiled and kissed him again then released his hold on the shirt.

"See you soon."

Alex nodded and took a few steps backward, then turned and exited the room quietly, leaving Fox alone.

Hearing the front door close, Fox slid down until he was lying flat then turned onto his side, pulling a pillow to his chest. He closed his eyes and smiled as he inhaled the lingering scent of his lover.

//Hardest part's done. I've got him back. All I need now is time and patience, and the rest'll come.//

Fox yawned and hauled himself out of bed, heading for the bathroom and a warm shower.

********************

"Four cinnamon raisin bagels and...gimme a half a pound of cream cheese and two large coffees, black."

"He takes his coffee with cream and sugar."

Alex spun around and looked down into the grim face of lover's partner. Composing himself, he cocked his head a bit to the side and gave her a slight sneer.

"Three sugars and a splash of cream to be exact, but this place never gets a coffee order right, so I'll add the cream and sugar when I get it back to my place."

"So, he's still there."

"Obviously. And what are you doing here, Scully? You following me?"

"No, my friends and I," she said, nodding to the two sitting in the corner who were trying desperately not to look like they were watching, "were having breakfast. This is obviously a popular place despite the fact that they can't get a coffee order straight." She changed the subject. "He was supposed to call me. I'm still waiting. You couldn't take your dick out of his mouth long enough for him to call and say that he was all right and let me know what he was going to do?"

Ignoring the dig, Alex answered.

"I'm sure he'll call you when he's ready."

"He'd better be ready soon, Krycek. We don't have a whole lot of time. I have to call Skinner."

Alex turned to pay for his purchases then picked the bags up off of the counter.

"I'll remind him," Alex mumbled and started to walk away.

"You do that. Hey, Alex."

The man stopped and waited.

"Aren't you going to thank me?"

Alex pivoted slowly, glaring at the redhead.

"What the hell for?"

"For bringing him to you. I'm sure you two are as cozy as a couple of little lovebirds about now, aren't you?"

Refusing to give her the satisfaction, Alex again turned to leave, Scully's words following him as he walked toward the exit.

"Enjoy it while it lasts."

Frohike and Langly quickly bowed their heads, feigning intense interest in their breakfast as Alex tossed them a glance on his way out. Both men looked up, waiting expectantly for Scully to fill them in when she came back to the table. When the woman did nothing but glower into her coffee cup, Langly spoke up.
"So, what's the deal?"

"Mulder's still there at Krycek's apartment," Scully muttered. "They're having breakfast. Isn't that sweet?"

"Everybody's gotta eat," Frohike commented. "What's so sweet about that?"

Scully responded with a silent glare.
"Is he gonna call you or what?"

"When he's damn good and ready, it would seem," Scully answered Langly's question then picked up her fork, inspecting the tip of each tine with the pad of her index finger.

The two men practically jumped out of their seats as did a good number of people in their immediate vicinity when Scully suddenly slammed the utensil down on the table.

"Hey, red, come on," Frohike whispered, giving a few people an apologetic smile. "Take it easy."

"*Easy*," the irritated woman grated. "Are you kidding me?"

"You're the one who decided it'd be better to get them back together, remember?" Frohike continued to whisper. "Well, now they are. So, what's your beef?"

"Nothing," Scully snapped. "Okay? Nothing."

The two men cast sidelong glances at each other, and Langly reached out and patted Scully's hand.

"It must be pretty hard on you, I guess."

Cerulean eyes darted up to the blonde man's face.

"What must be pretty hard?"

"Well, you know....Mulder...and Krycek. You two have been closer than this."
He display two crossed fingers. "There had to be some kind of feelings there, and then Mulder just up and falls in love with someone else...Alex Krycek to be exact. It's gotta be pretty damn hard to take."

Scully blew out a soft snort. "Mulder's my best friend, Frohike. I want him to be happy."

Bushy eyebrows raised above the rims of the small man's glasses.

"Well...what if he is happy? I mean, he's got to be wild about this guy. Why else would he spend over a month looking for him?"

"Pure, unadulterated insanity?"

"Is that any way to talk about your partner?"

Scully cut her eyes away and said nothing.

"So," Langly pushed, "if you're not jealous, why else would you be so bent out of shape about this?"

"Hell-o!" Scully practically growled. "The man my partner thinks he's in love with is a hooker! And before that, he was a spy. A liar. An assassin. Can you morons really not see why I'm so upset about this?"

In unison, the two men looked down at their hands and said nothing.

"Guys," Scully called softly, immediately regretting what she'd said. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so...I guess this thing has got me a little crazy."

The two eyed Scully warily but said nothing.

"You guys have been a huge help to me. If it weren't for you, Mulder's life and career might have been toast by now." She sighed heavily. "Although it still might be if I can't call Skinner soon and tell him for sure that Mulder'll be back."
"Did you mention anything about it to Krycek?"

"Yeah. He said he'd bring it up to Mulder."

"Well," Langly said around a mouthful of garlic bagel, "I guess all we can do is sit back and wait."

Scully sat drumming her fingers on the table, her mind racing.

"No. Uh uh."

"Uh uh what?" Frohike asked, suspicion creeping into his tone.

"I'm not waiting."

"What d'you mean, you're not..."

Before Frohike could finish the question, Scully was up and heading for the door.

"Scully..." Frohike threw an incredulous glance at his companion then called again to the redhead. "Scully! Where the hell are you going?"

"Wait to hear from me," she called, throwing the door open and disappearing into the mid-morning crowd.

"Ohhh, crap." Frohike turned to the blonde, shaking his head. "Tell me she's not gonna do what I think she's gonna do."

"No can do," Langly replied, then met his friend's eye. "Have you ever seen her so unreasonable? I mean, I know what she just said, but I've seen Mulder throwing himself into other really bad situations, and she's never lost her cool like this."

"I know what you mean," Frohike murmured, again looking to the door. "I wonder what the hell's going on."

********************

"Mmmm."
Green-gold eyes fluttered open, and Alex removed his hand from Fox's cheek. Sinfully lush lips turned up into a sleepy smile, and the older man stretched then pulled himself up into a semi-sitting position.
"Damn, I fell asleep?"

"Guess so."

"Was more tired than I thought, I guess. I got up after you left and had a shower to wake myself up." Fox grinned. "Maybe I should have taken a cool shower instead of a warm one. So, you just get back?"

Alex nodded then held a styrofoam cup out in offering. Fox took the cup, and Alex reached for the one he'd placed on the nightstand.

"Thanks." Fox took a sip of a hot liquid before refocusing his attention on Alex.
"You okay?"

"Yeah." Alex forced a smile then got up. "I'm going to go toast the bagels. You want me to bring them to you, or..."

"No, I'll get up." Fox handed the cup back to Alex and slid out of bed. "Uh, you got something I can borrow?"

Alex set both cups down on the nightstand and, doing his best to keep from staring at his lover's naked form, he started to rummage through his dresser drawers. "Sorry, I should've thought to get some clothes out for you."

"S'okay." Fox walked up behind the younger man and ran his hands up and down his back. "God, you're tight. Alex, are you sure you're okay? If you're not, I wish you'd tell me."

Alex turned around cradling a pair of jeans, some underwear and a t-shirt. He handed the items to Fox and shrugged.

"Y-you gotta call Scully."

"I know," Fox answered a bit suspiciously. "I was going to do it after breakfast. What made you think of that?"

"She was...she was at the bagel place with Frohike and the other one. What's his name, the blonde."

"Langly."

"Anyway, they were down there having breakfast, and she saw me."

"What'd she say?" Fox asked, anger already edging his tone.

"Said she's been waiting for you to call her."

"Yeah, well, she can wait a little longer. We're going to have a nice, leisurely breakfast, then I'll call her."

Fox dropped the clothing onto the bed and began to dress.

"What else did she say?"

"Not much."

"Not much has got you wound up tighter than a spring?"

Alex shrugged. "Just being near her is stressful, you know?"

Before Fox could reply, a knock sounded at the door. An immediate crease formed between Alex's brows, and he gave his lover a curious look.

As Fox quickly finished dressing, Alex left the room to see who was knocking.
"Who's there?" he called, stamping down the feeling of dread that washed over him when no one answered.

Fox entered the room, fully dressed, weapon drawn, and he nodded at Alex to open the door.

A pair of startled blue eyes stared down the barrel of Fox's gun as the door flew open.
"God!"

Fox secured the weapon and glared down at the woman, who stood panting in Alex's doorway.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Why've you got your weapon drawn?"

"Force of habit, I guess."

Scully looked from her partner to his lover then back again.

"Did he tell you he saw me? Did he give you my message?"

Alex muttered something which neither of the other two caught, and retreated into the kitchen. Fox, on the other hand, took an aggressive stance, blocking Scully's entrance.

"Yes, Scully, he did. So, why are you here? Why didn't you wait for me to call you?"

"Because I wasn't entirely sure he'd tell you. Look, Mulder, just answer a question for me, and I'll let you two get back to...whatever. Are you coming back to Washington?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"That's two questions, Scully. You said *a* question."

"Mulder, stop being such a pain in the ass, would you? If it weren't for me, you wouldn't have spent last night all snuggly and warm with..." Scully waved in the direction in which Alex had gone. "Now, dammit, give me something I can call Skinner with."

"We'll see about getting a flight out tomorrow, okay? Is that good enough for you?"

"Fine."

"Wonderful. Now go call Skinner, grab the first flight back to Washington, and leave us the hell alone. Oh. Wait. You answer a question for me."

"What?"

"What did you say to Alex earlier?"

"What do you mean?

"I think it's a pretty straightforward question, Scully. What did you say to him?"

"Nothing. I asked him if you were still here, he said yes, and I asked him to ask you to call me. He said okay, and he left."

"And that was it."

"That was it."

"Bullshit."

"Well, I see you've already made up your mind that there was more to it, Mulder, so why'd you even bother to ask me?"

"I guess I was just hoping that you'd tell me the truth."
"What'd Krycek tell you?"

"Pretty much the same thing you did."

"So, he's lying too?" Scully emitted an exaggerated gasp. "Nooo. Can't be. Saint Alex a liar?"

"Get out."

"Mulder. God, Mulder..."

"I don't want to hear it."

"Mulder, I'm sorry. I'm...I know you don't like to hear anything against Krycek, but I...you're so blind when it comes to him."

Fox cocked his head, giving the woman a blank stare. "You're so dead set against Alex and me, yet you go and bring us back together."
"Would you have come home without him?"

"Nope."

"Well, there you go. I did what I had to do to salvage what's left of your career."

"And that's all, huh?"

"What do you mean?"

Fox snorted and shook his head.

"Nothing, Scully, just go home. My coffee is getting cold."

"Fine. I guess I'll see you back in D.C."

"Yeah, right."

Scully nodded and, not knowing what else to do, turned and left, twitching at the slam of the door behind her.

Fox stood at the door for a number of seconds, breathing deeply, then he made his way to the kitchen, where Alex was just pulling the bagels from the toaster.

"Sorry about that."

Green eyes rose to meet Fox's gaze.

"She didn't think I'd give you the message, right?"

"Right." Fox approached the other man and wound his arms around his waist. "What'd you say just before you left the room?" A smirk curved his lips. "Were you calling her bad names in Russian?"

Alex returned the grin. "Maybe one or two."

Fox's amused chuckle preceded a soft kiss, and then he backed up, tugging Alex along with him.

"Let's have breakfast."
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