"My God. You're sure he's okay?"

"Yeah. As okay as he can be right after an episode as bad as that one. Scully, he remembers you."

"He does?"

"Yeah. And his mother, and Skinner, and a bunch of other stuff."

"Thank God. Maybe this is finally close to being over."

"I think so. He said there were images in his head of Oregon, but they were just that. He insisted on going there so he could remember."

"What'd you tell him?"

Silence.

"Alex?"

"Yeah?"

Scully placed a hand over her face. "Alex, where are you?"

"On a plane."

"How did I know? Krycek, are you insane?"

"Yes. I tried to talk him out of it, Scully, believe me. But you know how he is."

"Uh huh, and I know how *you* are."

"*Don't* say it."

Scully emitted an irate sigh. "No sense in screaming at you now. But I want communication, you hear me? I want you to call me, and I want to be able to call *you*."

"I'll keep my phone on."

"All right. Call me when you land."

"I will."

"Do *not* forget, or I swear I'll come looking for you."

"I won't forget. Talk to you later."

Alex disconnected and dropped the phone down onto the plush seat beside him.

"She very mad?"

Startled green eyes turned in the direction of the soft monotone.

"She's not real happy." Alex came to sit down on the sofa beside the prone man. "What are you doing awake? I thought you'd be out until we landed."

Fox shrugged.

"Want anything?"

"No."

"You sure?"

Fox nodded, shifting so that he could wind an arm around Alex's thighs and rest his head in his lap. The younger man's hand came down on his head, gently petting his hair.

"Alex?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"All the shit I've put you through. I don't know if I'll ever be able to make it all up to you..."

"Make it *up*...Fox, you don't have to make *anything* up to me." Alex leaned down, covering Fox's upper body with his own. "You didn't ask for any of this," he murmured against the older man's cheek. "It was *done* to you by a man who I swear on my life will die slowly and painfully if I ever get my hands on him..."

"You didn't ask for it, either," Fox countered. "And you didn't have to deal with it. But you did. It was more, I think, than most people would have put up with. I know I got pretty weird on you sometimes...like tonight."

Alex kissed the stubbled cheek. "It's all right. Don't worry about it."

"I'm taking you down to hell with me, Alex. It isn't right."

"It's right that I am wherever you are. For a few of the worst days of my life, I thought you were dead." Alex hugged Fox tightly to him. "And I wanted to be, too. I wanted to be where you were. There was no place else for me."

Fox pulled himself up, coaxing Alex to lie on the sofa, then he crawled into his lover's arms. "That thought makes me shudder, but...I know I would feel the same." He looked up with what for the first time in many weeks, Alex could unmistakably recognize as adoration. "I love you."

The three softly spoken words sent a rush of warmth spreading through Alex's body. His eyes drifted shut, and his arms constricted, holding Fox securely to his chest. "I wish I could tell you...God, I wish I could explain how good it feels to hear that."

A clipped gasp rose from the older man, and Alex looked down, tilting his head up. "What's the matter, babe?"

Eyes squeezed shut, Fox waited a few seconds before answering. "You and me...and Scully. On a plane. After you were shot. Guilt...relief..." More pain jerked his head back. "You were unconscious...doped up after...after Scully took the bullet out. Had to...carry you into the cabin. When you woke up..you w-wouldn't talk to me...wouldn't look at me."

Alex gently rubbed the older man's temple, raising a small sigh. "I told you that Scully and I weren't the best of friends back then. She didn't trust me. She'd managed to put doubt into your mind about me, and I was so hurt to think that after the time we'd spent together, you would go back to thinking that I was out to do you wrong."

Fox nodded slowly. "I know. I was so sorry. I told her that I would never doubt you again."

"And you never have. Now, relax."

"It's not that bad," Fox argued softly.

"But it's there. Come on, just lie here and let me hold you. It's been way too long."

Fox went silent for a moment, then murmured contentedly, "I remember this feeling."

Alex smiled, kissing the top of his lover's head. The older man looked up at him, eyes shining.

"And I know I've only ever felt it with you."

The statement earned him another kiss and a squeeze.

"Try to sleep," Alex instructed softly. "It'll be quite a while yet before we land."

Fox closed his eyes and dozed for a little while, but soon enough the headache returned, accompanied by more memories. He suffered the pain in silence while Alex slept, thankful that it was nowhere near as excruciating as it had been earlier. When they finally landed, he was exhausted but encouraged by all he had remembered.

As promised, Alex called Scully then rented a car, and they began the drive to the cabin. Fortunately, it hadn't snowed yet this season, so the drive was an easy one.

They traveled along for at least forty-five minutes in virtual silence, Alex hoping that Fox would nap, but the other man remained awake, eyes darting back and forth, taking in all that the moonlit sky would allow. Several minutes later, his head snapped around, staring at a motel they'd just passed. He raised his index finger to the window and turned to face Alex.

"We stayed there." He smiled at the flash of white teeth.

"Yeah, we did. Do you remember when?"

"After the first time we were here together. You stayed the night with me and left the next morning before Scully got there."

"That's right." Alex watched Fox's head lower. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I...I was just..." He took a stuttering breath. "...remembering what we did...we're pretty good together, huh?" The sound of soft, breathy laughter drifted to Fox's ears from the driver's side.

"We're *damn* good together."

"I can..." Fox frowned in concentration. "..I can hear someone telling us that we're...totally fucking hot." He paused then looked Alex's way. "Exact words."

Alex let out a louder, hearty laugh this time. "I believe that was Steve."

"Steve?"

"Yeah. One of the two guys I told you that we'd met at that club."

"Oh. You'd never told me their names."

"Steve and.......Morris. That was the other one. After you did me outside against the car, they just *had* to meet us. Heard one of them say that we were his new heroes. And it was Steve who introduced them and told us that we were 'totally fucking hot'. They were nice guys. They even came by the apartment after they'd heard on the news that you had died. They wanted to see me and extend their sympathy. Scully said they went to the funeral...hey....." Alex paused, thinking for a moment, then glanced over at Fox. "You know, I just had a thought. I wonder if it could have been one of them who called...you know, to see how I was doing."

"If it was, why would they call and not leave a message?"

"I don't know...maybe you scared him."

"*Scared* him?"

"Yeah." Alex began to chuckle. "Maybe he thought it was your ghost or something."

"Oh, God..."

"You've got a very distinctive voice, Fox; even on the phone, it's very recognizable."

"To *you*, maybe, but to a person I'd only met, what? Once?"

"Once is all it takes." Alex reached across the seat and stroked his lover's jaw. "No one could forget you."

Fox nuzzled the other man's hand. "You're prejudiced."

"I'm *right*. No one who meets you can ever forget you. You're too damn gorgeous."

Fox grinned. "You don't have to lay it on so thick, you know. I'm a sure thing."

"Oh, you think I'm just trying to get you into bed?" Alex asked, falling happily into a mild version of one of their familiar verbal sparring sessions.

"Aren't you?"

"Well...*yeah*...but I'm not just pulling your leg..."

"No? What else are you pulling?"

Alex laughed softly. "Oh, no, you don't. You're not dragging me into that."

Fox slid across the seat, pressing himself into the younger man's side. "Why not?" he moaned into Alex's ear, nipping lightly at the lobe.

"Jesus, Fox, cut it out."

"You don't like that?"

"Are you kidding? Fox...shit...come on, stop...." Alex managed to wedge a hand between himself and the older man, pushing him away. "I'm *driving*, here. You want to kill us?"

Fox moved back over to the passenger's side and slouched in his seat. "No," he said in a small, pouting voice.

Alex whimpered pathetically. "Don't do that. Come on, baby..."

"Don't do what?"

"*That*. You *know* how desperate I am for you. Teasing me like that is a damn dangerous thing to do right now. I'll never be able to concentrate on the road."

Fox sighed heavily. "Okay."

"Twenty minutes," Alex promised. "Twenty minutes and we'll be there."

True to his word, Alex pulled up in front of the cabin some twenty minutes later. The men pulled the bags out of the back of the car and walked up to the house. Fox surveyed the outside of the structure while Alex fumbled for his keys.

"I get a feeling of familiarity, looking at it."

"Good." Alex finally found the key and turned the lock. He opened the door and switched on the lights, flooding the room in a warm amber glow. "How about now?"

Fox stepped across the threshold, carefully studying his new surroundings. He moved forward, lightly running his hand along the back of the sofa which sat in front of a large, picture window. Glancing from the window toward the middle of the room, his eyes fell on the stone fireplace and to the plush throw rug in front of it, and a vivid image of him and Alex bedded on a blanket of fleece flashed in his head. The glow of the fire played over their bodies as they made love in front of its comforting heat. Every moan, every tiny whimper resonated in his mind and brought the now-expected pounding in his temples that signaled the pain to come.

"No..."

Alex dropped the bags by the door and rushed to the man who had begun to double over beside the couch.

"Again?"

Fox nodded, heels of his hands pressed to the sides of his head.

Alex lowered him onto the sofa and gently wrestled his jacket off. As he turned to toss the jacket onto a nearby chair, a shriek cut the quiet of the room. He fell to his knees beside the sofa, watching the man he loved suffer what seemed to be the most agonizing torment yet. A heavy sweat had broken out all across Fox's face, mingling with the tears that had begun to escape past his tightly closed lids. A protuberant network of veins appeared on the sides of his head as he strained against the pain that had yet again gripped him, and a short, harsh, intermittent groan sounded deep in his throat.

Fear, irrational perhaps, but strongly felt, filled Alex's heart as he tried in vain to make Fox comfortable. Always in the back of his mind, that thought, that goddamned nagging thought that this life he'd found with Fox was simply borrowed and not meant to keep shoved its way to the surface. And maybe...maybe those few torturous days he'd spent thinking that life was indeed over...maybe they were fate's cruel way of saying, "Check it out, Alex, this is what it's like. This is the blackness that'll be your life...but not quite yet. We'll give you a taste now, give him back to you, then yank him away again later at our leisure."

He couldn't help thinking of the irony of losing his love in the place he'd found him, and he screamed inside, protesting violently against that part of his mind that had never left him completely at peace.

//*No*. Nooo. He's mine. I don't care...//

"I don't care if I don't deserve you," Alex's thoughts took the form of a pleading whisper. "I don't care if you weren't *meant* to be mine, I can't...I...baby, please, I can't be without you." He stroked Fox's perspiration soaked brow as the older man's body continued to spasm. "Fox....baby, can you hear me?"

No answer.

//Fucked up, didn't I? I shouldn't have brought you here. No matter how much you insisted, I shouldn't have. No matter how mad you got at me, I should have said no.//  He lowered his head to the sofa beside his lover, suffering his own torment. Minutes later, Fox's body began to slowly relax, his anguished moans fading away, and Alex lifted his head.

The creases on Fox's forehead and around his eyes had not disappeared, but they had softened. His fingers, clenched tightly in his hair, had loosened their hold, and his mouth, drawn into a thin line of pain, had relaxed into a pale, weary pout.

Alex watched the rise and fall of his chest, and though it wasn't quite the normal rate, it was far from the shallow, frantic heave of only a few minutes before. He closed his eyes and offered a silent thanks, then kissed Fox's cheek and lifted himself to his feet.

Keeping one eye on his unconscious lover, he first built a fire then moved about the cabin, putting away the groceries and other items they'd stopped to buy. When he was finished, he returned to check on Fox, who lay motionless on the sofa, now breathing slowly and evenly. He retrieved two fleece blankets and a pillow from the bedroom closet and draped one blanket over the sleeping man, tucking it securely around him. He sat for a while caressing Fox's hair, then he shut the lights off, wrapped himself in the second blanket, and lay down on the floor in front of the fireplace. Though he never would have believed it could happen, shortly afterward, he was asleep.

********************

Weary, hazel eyes opened, unable to focus at first, seeing only hazy objects bathed in an orange glow. Fox blinked, scanning his surroundings until he found what he was looking for.

Alex, wrapped in a blanket on the floor, asleep.

His eyes closed and a slow smile curved his lips.

Alex. Not just the man who'd rescued him from certain death and spent every minute of the next few months caring for him. This was his Alex. God, his Alex. The man he'd loved for the past year with every bit of his heart and soul.

This moment of true recognition was worth every second of agony he'd suffered.

Everything he knew...every little detail about this man and their life came back to him. He was whole again...*they* were.

Taking a quick inventory, he determined that all the pain was gone, and though he felt like he could sleep for a week, sleep would have to wait. There were far more important things on his mind right now...

Alex moaned softly as he began to dream. Breath, soft as a whisper caressed his face and lips, then a mouth, warm and sweet, touched his.

//Baby...//

His lover's mouth left his, traveling down his chin and throat, stopping to nibble at the sensitive skin between his neck and shoulder.

//Oh, God, I know you're a dream, but...it feels so good. Please don't let me wake up...//

The moment he'd said the words, he felt himself rising out of the comforting darkness.

//No....no, no, n...//

He was waking. He was sure of it, but...the sensation of his dream Fox's mouth on his skin remained. In fact, it grew stronger. And now a definite presence settled itself over him...

Alex opened his eyes and nearly jumped out of his skin. Straddling him on his hands and knees, staring down into his shocked face, was Fox.

"You're beautiful in the firelight."

Alex blinked, emitting a quick breath. As he struggled for something to say, Fox lowered his head, rubbing the tips of their noses together. Finally, he managed to squeeze a few words past his constricted throat.

"What are you...Fox, what...are you all right?"

The older man nodded. "*Very* all right."

Alex frowned up at him. "What are you...what do you mean?"

"I mean," Fox whispered, slowly running his tongue along Alex's lower lip, "I remember."

Understanding lit Alex's eyes. "...Everything?"

"Everything. I feel complete. I feel like me. And you..." He sank lower, resting his full weight on top of the stunned man. "...you feel like heaven."

Unconsciously, Alex arched upward, pressing himself against his lover. "Fox....God....your head...how's your head?"

"It's fine. I'm fine."

"You're exhausted. I can see it."

"I'll sleep later."

"Later?"

"Yeah. When I'm done with you."

Alex's cock leapt, pushing into the solid heat just above it. "When'll that be?"

"I don't know." Fox brought his head down again, brushing his lips against the younger man's. "When neither of us can see straight?" He covered Alex's mouth, deep groans rumbling in the chests of both men. His tongue swept the interior of his lover's mouth, reacquainting itself with its taste and texture as Alex's arms wound around him, locking them together.

They kissed slowly and thoroughly, teasing each other until each man's body throbbed with its own need. Alex threaded the fingers of one hand through Fox's hair, trying to hold his head where it was as the older man released his lips and started to pull away.

"Baby," Fox whispered into his insistent lover's mouth as he wriggled out of his grasp, "I need...I need to feel you..." his words were cut off as Alex pulled him down for another searing kiss. When the younger man released him several dizzying seconds later, he drew a deep breath and frowned down into smoky green eyes. "What was I saying?"

Alex writhed against him, licking his chin. "You need to feel me..."

Fox emitted a soft, agonized moan. "Yeah." He began pulling at Alex's clothing and didn't stop until the other man lay naked and panting beneath him. He stared down at his lover, fingers touching and stroking the flushed skin with reverence. "How could I forget you? It doesn't seem possible."

"Doesn't matter," Alex replied, arching beneath the loving touches. "You came back to me. That's all I care about..." His eyes fluttered open. "Well...there might be a couple more things I care about right now."

Fox's grin sparkled in the firelight. "Yeah? Like what?"

"Like the fact that you're still dressed..." Alex's hands slid down to the front of Fox's shirt and started undoing the buttons. "...like...licking the sweat off your chest as you're fucking me nice and slow...and deep..."

Fox shuddered above the younger man as his shirt was pushed away from his shoulders. Quickly he moved his arms, letting Alex finish removing the garment, anticipating his lover's next move.

Before moving on to Fox's pants, Alex paused to pay homage to his lover's upper body, running his hands with gentle impatience over his back and arms while his mouth explored the convulsing throat and expanse of his chest. His head swam as the texture and taste of Fox's skin filled him, once again saturating his parched senses and promising long awaited sustenance to his love-starved body.

Patience ticking away like so many seconds on the face of a clock, Fox whimpered and moaned as Alex continued to explore, leaving no inch of exposed skin untouched. When finally he felt his lover's hands tugging at the buttons on his jeans, he sucked in a hard breath, praying for the strength to let Alex undress him at his own pace. On trembling arms, he lifted himself far enough for the younger man to get at the remaining buttons then push the pants down to his thighs.

"I can't reach," Alex breathed, squirming beneath Fox, trying to push his jeans lower. "Help me..."

Reluctantly, Fox pushed himself to his feet, kicking off his shoes and pulling the jeans down, taking his underwear and socks with them. He stood above the younger man, bathing in the lust-filled green gaze before sinking to his knees, straddling his lover's hips.

Alex's cock jerked, straining toward the presence that hovered just above it. He reached out to Fox, wordlessly begging the other man to come to him, but Fox remained where he was, out of reach, smiling down at his frustrated lover. Alex began to sit up but was promptly pushed back to the blanket. Passion-glazed eyes fought to stay open as Fox reached down, petting the virtually hairless chest.

"Did you miss me touching you, baby?"

Alex lost the fight to keep his eyes open. They dropped shut and he nodded slowly.

"Tell me about it."

Alex inhaled and exhaled slowly, measuring each breath as Fox's hands traveled over his chest and shoulders, leaving thousands of tiny pin pricks in their wake. "It was..." His chest inched upward then fell sharply as he spoke his next word. "...torture. I wanted you every second of every day. I thought about this. Fantasized...dreamed about it. Started thinking it was all I'd ever have." Apologetic eyes opened and turned up to Fox. "I'm so grateful you're alive. If it's all I could ever have, if you'd never learned to love me again, I'd still..."

Fox leaned in, taking his lover's mouth in a deep, soul-shattering kiss, and released it long seconds later. "I know," he whispered before gently sinking his teeth into the swollen lower lip and pulling. "But you're human, Alex. There's nothing wrong with wanting back the life you knew." He gave the younger man a tender smile. "It makes me happy to know that it meant that much to you."

"It means everything to me," Alex croaked against Fox's mouth, letting his hands glide over the older man's back and ass.

Fox grinned. "Yeah, but not at the moment, huh?"

"Always."

"Mmm hmm." Fox shifted and bore down, pushing his cock against Alex's. "What's *that* mean to you?"

"Ah, damn...means you're ready to fuck." He pushed back. "So am I. What do you say we get to it?"

Fox gave the younger man an evil little grin and sat up. "Soon." His hands again began to wander over his lover's smooth chest, the palms and fingertips just barely grazing the hard nipples.

"Don't think I can wait for *soon*."

"No?" Fox rose up on his knees, letting his hand drop down to Alex's groin, brushing his fingers through the short, dark curls. "But I wanted to make you feel good."

"God, Fox, if I felt much better, I think it'd kill me." Alex grunted loudly and arched his back as Fox's fingertips skipped over the length of his erection. His mouth fell open, allowing soft, gasping pants to escape as the teasing fingers closed around his cock and stroked it gently.

"You're not dead, yet..."

"Sadistic...bastard," Alex wheezed. "Mmmmmm, God, I love you." A low chuckle was all he heard before the hand released him. He waited, eyes closed for it to return, but when several seconds passed, one eye opened. "Aww, *shit*."

Fox kneeled over him, burning amber gaze on his face. He wrapped both hands around his own cock, stroking himself slowly. "You seemed to be enjoying it so much..."

Alex watched, entranced as his lover worked his own cock, a look a carnal bliss on his face. "Thank God," he whispered, stroking Fox's thighs.

"Why are we thanking God?"

"Nothing's changed. You're still an outrageous slut."

Fox laughed softly as two fingers passed over the head of his cock, swiping the bead of fluid from its tip. He offered the fingers to Alex, who quickly sucked them into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the two digits. The younger man moaned, tasting his lover for the first time ages, and when Fox tried to pull his fingers away, he encountered some resistance.

"Come on, let go," he coaxed.

Alex shook his head, growling stubbornly.

"I got something better for you..."

Grudgingly, Alex drew back, releasing the fingers and waiting. Fox crawled forward, now straddling his lover's head, and grasped his cock at the base, pointing it toward the anxious mouth. He sucked in a hard breath as Alex's mouth closed around the head and his hands clenched in Fox's ass, pulling him forward. In one jerk of his hips, his cock disappeared into Alex's mouth, and the younger man held him motionless while he greedily suckled the entire length.

"Oh, Jesus..." Fox half-laughed, half-whimpered, "how could I forget that mouth?" He smiled down at the man joyfully devouring his cock. "*Who's* the slut?"

Alex's fingers clenched in Fox's ass, and he moaned around the cock that filled his throat, the vibration sending a deep shudder through Fox's body.

Fox doubled over as a strong rush of desire weakened his body. Leaning on his hands, he attempted to compose himself and began to pull away, knowing that if he didn't, he'd be all done.

Alex knew also and let him go, allowing Fox to settle back into his original position. He watched his lover's lashes slowly rise, revealing eyes dilated to near-blackness.

"Come on, baby," he hissed softly, stroking Fox everywhere his hands could reach. "You know you wanna fuck me."

Fox inhaled sharply as Alex's fingers flicked lightly over his nipples.

"Come on, do it."

Fox's blood boiled as Alex arched upward in invitation. Jaw clenched tightly, he tried valiantly to hold himself in check, but the man beneath him...his love, his eternal weakness, was quickly wearing him down.

"Please, baby," Alex whimpered in that tone that drove Fox mad. "I need you." He clawed at Fox's nipples, drawing a low growl from the older man. "I know you need me." Alex urged him to shift position so that he was now kneeling between his parted thighs. He reached up, pulling the other man down on top of him, then promptly wrapped his legs around his waist. "Take it."

Unable to bear up under that kind of pressure, Fox tucked his hands under Alex's ass, stroking and squeezing the rounded muscles. As the fingers of one hand teased the small, puckered opening, Fox leaned in for a hard, hungry kiss. When he pulled away from the panting man, he paused, eyes searching his immediate vicinity. "Where's the lube?"

Alex froze, staring up at Fox in stunned silence.

"What?"

"Shit. I...I guess I got out of the habit of always having some with me..."

"You don't *have* any?"

"No, but...we must have left some here somewhere."

"You mean I have to get up and go look for some?"

"I'm sorry." Alex started to pick himself up, gently pushing Fox off of his chest. "I'll help you." He quickly found himself flat on his back with a hand on his chest. His breath caught in his throat as he looked up into Fox's eyes. At this angle, they reflected the firelight and looked themselves like twin balls of flame.

"No." The fiery gaze bore into him, searing everyplace it touched. "Don't you move. I want you hard and ready when I get back."

Alex moaned and squirmed as the flatly issued command sent tingles through him. "But I'm already hard...*and* ready."

Fox rose to his full height, spitting out one more order before he stalked away.

"Make sure you stay that way."

Alex watched Fox disappear from the room then turned his attention to his aching cock. While he knew that there was no way in hell he'd go soft during Fox's absence, he was happy to obey his lover's last order. He tucked one hand under his head while the other drifted down toward his cock, gently stroking and pulling at the engorged shaft. His respiration deepened, and his eyes closed as his body urged him to work harder, but his brain was apparently still functioning well enough to override the petition.

//Nice and easy, Alex. Don't get too enthusiastic.//

Meanwhile, in the bedroom, his patience just about reaching its limit, Fox rummaged through another drawer.

"*Shit*. Come on, come on...I swear to God," he muttered to himself, "I'll go get some fucking cooking oil if...ah, *yes*!"

He snatched up the tube and whirled back in the direction of the living room, freezing a few steps from the doorway.

//Ohhhh, yeah...//

Washed in flickering orange light, Alex lay sprawled on the thick bed of fleece, one hand lovingly caressing his erect cock. He was so immersed in his activity that his body jumped and he emitted a little gasp as Fox's voice sounded just inches from his ear.

"So pretty."

Alex smiled and stretched with feline grace, letting his hand slide upward until it came to rest on his chest. He stretched up, slowly licking Fox's mouth. "Find it?"

Fox grinned and held up the tube.

"Good. Now, fuck me."

"But you were doing such a good job by yourself," Fox teased as he unscrewed the cap.

"Don't take this the wrong way, Fox, but I've jerked off enough the past few months to last me a lifetime."

"Awww," Fox pouted as he squeezed some gel out into his hand and deftly applied it to his cock, "but I love watching you."

Alex groaned and pulled Fox down to him the moment the older man tossed the tube aside. "Okay, but later." He threaded his fingers through his lover's hair and covered his mouth in a bone-deep kiss. When they separated, Alex pulled his legs back and draped them over Fox's waist. "Come on, baby," he purred, anchoring his fingers in Fox's hair. "We've both waited way too long."

"I know," Fox breathed against his mouth as he positioned himself and slowly pushed at the tight entrance. He felt the muscle begin to yield to his gentle assault and the man beneath him shudder with joy, and his fortitude melted away. In one long glide, he buried himself to the root in Alex's heat, drawing a jubilant cry from them both.

Alex clung to Fox, his beautiful Fox...finally reclaimed, belonging once more. His eyes stung with unshed tears, and he softly whimpered his lover's name.

Fox lowered his head to Alex's shoulder, drowning in his love and the dazzling pleasure his body provided.

He was home. The comfort of Alex's arms and the slick heat that surrounded him attested to it.

Fox began to move slowly and carefully, afraid to end the dream. But his movements, gentle as they were, sparked a riot of sensation in both men, and they reacted.

The long awaited feel of his lover's cock moving deep within him released two tears, and to keep himself from crying, Alex let his head fall forward until his mouth met with the other man's flexing shoulder. His lips parted and his tongue dragged over a patch of skin before sucking the flesh into his mouth.

The mild pain jarred Fox out of the sensual fog he was lost in, waking him to his lover's need. He allowed Alex to mark him, then pulled away to look down into his eyes. He mouthed the words 'I love you' and moved in toward the younger man's waiting mouth. Just barely brushing his lips, Fox moved to his neck, fastening his mouth on the tender flesh.

Alex's back arched, a harsh moan rumbling in his throat. He gritted his teeth, enduring the sweet pain as Fox picked up the pace, thrusting harder into him. His cock screamed as the pressure built to a level beyond what he could stand, and he willed his tongue to work, begging his lover for more.

"Fox...oh, Jesus, I..." He clawed at Fox's back as his head pressed into the pillow, baring more of his throat. "Please, baby, please..." His mouth fell open, and a sharp cry tumbled out as Fox's teeth closed on his throat, and the older man worked a hand between them, grasping his cock.

Overwhelmed, Alex's head began to swim as he bucked against Fox, urging him to move faster. Fox finally tore his mouth away from his throat, leaving a mark so deep and red it would remain for several days, and the older man drove hard into him, grunting with every thrust.

"Come on, baby," Fox grated as he jerked his lover's cock. "Come with me..."

Alex whimpered frantically as Fox slammed into him again and again, taking him to within a breath of total meltdown. It was the older man's mouth closing tenderly over his that pushed him that final fraction over the edge, and his body filled with a prickling heat as he came endlessly, ripping his mouth from Fox's and screaming his name.

His hand drenched in semen, Fox continued to pump Alex's cock as he found his own release. Sobbing incoherent words of love, he exploded deep inside the younger man, filling him with slick warmth, and refused to stop thrusting until sheer exhaustion forced the issue. Finally, he collapsed on top of Alex's heaving chest and slipped into virtual unconsciousness. It wasn't until the other man had begun to shiver that he opened his eyes. He lifted his head and gazed down into moist eyes.

"Are you cold?"

Alex stared up at his lover and nodded as one tear dropped from the outside corner of his eye.

Fox kissed the dampness away and gently lifted himself off of Alex and lowered himself to the younger man's side. He wrapped them securely in the blanket and pulled Alex into his arms. "Is that better?"

"Better," Alex sniffed, burrowing into his lover's warmth.

Fox lay stroking Alex's back in silence for some time before calling his name.

"Alex?"

Another soft sniffle. "Yeah?"

"Is something wrong?"

"No."

"No?"

The younger man shook his head. "It's just...I'm..." He bit his lower lip and began to shake, able for the first time to really let go. "I thought...I thought I'd lost...you...even after I...found y-you, and you were r-right...in front...of me, it...it was like..." Alex broke into soft sobs. "Thought I was...getting what I deserved..."

"What? What you *deserved*?"

"My..." Alex took a few deep breaths. "...my punishment."

"For what?"

"Everything bad I've ever...ever done in my life."

"God." Fox tightened his arms around the younger man. "No, baby. Please don't think that way. Life is *not* out to punish you. Things turned out okay, didn't they? I remember everything, our life is back on track...we're here at the place we fell in love, in front of a warm fire..." He grinned into Alex's hair. "...naked and wrapped in a blanket...where's the punishment in that?"

Alex sniffed and shook his head, trying to get closer to the man he was already pressed as close to as he possibly could be.

"It's all right," Fox whispered, feeling Alex's trembling subside. "You and I have been to hell and back, and we're still here. We belong to each other, and nothing you've ever said, or been, or done is ever going to change that. Okay?"

"Okay." Alex turned red-streaked eyes up to Fox's. "I love you."

The older man smiled and took his mouth in a soft kiss. "I love *you*, baby."

Alex tucked his head under Fox's chin, breathing in the scent of salt and sex and Fox, and a tiny, contented smile curved his lips. Before another word could be uttered, both men wafted gently into sleep.

********************

Fox snuggled down into the warmth of the blanket, moaning softly. Though his eyes were closed, he could tell that morning had come.

The first full day as the man he was.

Memories and life intact, he opened his eyes for the first time in several weeks, anxious to start the day.

But something was missing.

He looked around, rubbing the sleep from one eye. "Alex?"

No answer.

He listened, trying to detect some sound, but there was nothing. No footsteps, no rattling of pots and pans in the kitchen.

He looked to the window.

Outside, maybe, getting more firewood?

Fox stood up, shivering in the slight chill. Alex had not started a new fire which he found odd, seeing as there was enough wood there in the house to keep the blaze going well into the afternoon. He wrapped the blanket around himself and went to the window, looking toward the wood shed, but found no trace of his lover.

Deciding to search the house, Fox first checked the kitchen. He pushed the door open and glanced around, finding the room empty and cooking utensils untouched. Concern creeping in, he moved a little faster, checking the bedroom. That room was also empty, but now closer to the bathroom, Fox could hear sound. A muffled moan sounded behind the closed door, and he rushed over, knocking softly.

"Alex? Babe, you okay?"

There was silence for a moment, then a harsh, wretching sound, combined with more moaning.

Fox threw the door open and gasped, finding Alex on the floor, draped over the toilet.

"*Shit*. Alex?" He crouched down beside the pale man, tenderly stroking his hair. "God, you look awful. What happened to you?"

Alex shook his head weakly. "Woke up feeling sick. Stomach is turning." He squeezed his eyes shut. "My head..."

"Okay, uhh..." Fox located a washcloth and ran it under cold water, then gently swabbed Alex's face and the back of his neck. "Do you want to stay here a while longer?"

"No," Alex whispered. "Just dry heaves, now."

Fox frowned, kissing the top of the younger man's head, and helped him to his feet. Slowly, he walked Alex to the bed and, balancing the younger man with one hand, he pulled the blankets back with the other. "Come on, lie down."

Alex carefully lowered himself to the mattress, and once horizontal, he became restless, moaning with each increasingly labored breath. "Can't...can't..." He pulled himself up, and Fox stacked the pillows behind him, helping him lean back against them.

"That better?"

Alex took two deep breaths in through his nose and nodded. "Not so bad." He turned watery eyes up to his worried lover. "God, I feel like death."

"I don't get it. You were fine last night, weren't you?"

"Yeah."

Fox hesitated for a minute, thinking about what to do then stroked the hair away from Alex's ashen face. "You don't feel like you have a fever, but I'll take your temperature anyway, then call Scully." He vanished into the bathroom and returned seconds later, popping the thermometer under the younger man's tongue. While he waited, he checked Alex's pulse, then went for the phone. Punching in Scully's number as he returned, he pulled the thermometer out of Alex's mouth. "Ninety eight point...Scully. It's me."

"Mulder? Hey, how are you?"

"Good."

"Alex told me yesterday that you remember quite a bit. That's wonderful."

"I remember it all."

"All? Really? Oh, thank God. When did it happen?"

"Last night."

"How do you feel? How's your head?"

"I was really suffering last night, but I'm fine, now."

"Oh, Mulder, I'm so happy. Alex must be thrilled..."

"Alex is why I'm calling, Scully. He's sick."

"Huh? What do you mean, sick?"

"*Sick*. I woke up this morning and found him hanging over the toilet. His head is pounding, and he's throwing up."

"Any fever?"

"No, I just checked it. No coughing, no sneezing, no stuffiness. It's just his head and his stomach."

"Doesn't sound like anything serious. Just a bug, maybe. He felt all right yesterday?"

"He said he did."

"Did you eat anything after you got in?"

"No, nothing. Almost immediately after we walked in, everything I hadn't remembered yet came back, and I was in terrible pain. When it was over, I fell asleep for a while."

"Maybe he ate something while you were asleep."

Fox caressed the younger man's cheek and softly called his name.

Alex's eyes fluttered open. "Hmm?"

"Did you eat anything after I fell asleep that first time?"

"No."

"He didn't eat anything, Scully. When I woke up, he was asleep on the floor in front of the fireplace. I woke him up, told him that everything had come back to me...we made love and fell asleep. Next thing I know, he's throwing up in the bathroom."

Scully went silent for a moment, tapping her fingers on the phone, then shifted in her chair, draping one leg over the arm. "You know what, Mulder? I just had another thought. Since this seems to have come on so suddenly, I was wondering if it might not just be due to the let down."

"The what?"

"The let down. I can't think of a better way to phrase it at the moment. For a long time now, he's been running on pure adrenaline. Heartbreak, severe depression, worry, not eating right, not sleeping well, worry, worry...then everything he's been so uptight about all this time is all right. Your memory comes back; you know him; you love him. His mind is at rest...his *body* is at rest...all this after weeks and weeks of turmoil. He's coming down off a prolonged high, and it's shocking his system."

"Like withdrawal."

"In a way. Only not nearly so bad. Give him a day or two, and he'll be fine."

Fox sighed into the phone. "I can't believe I didn't think about that."

"You're too close, Mulder. He's sick, and you were too worried to think objectively. Just make sure he eats lightly, keep him hydrated, and let him rest. If he's absolutely no better tomorrow, call me."

"Okay. Thanks, Scully."

"No problem. Tell him I said hi, and I hope he feels better soon."

"I will."

"Good to have you back, Mulder."

Fox smiled into the phone. "Thank you. Good to be back. Talk to you later."

Fox hung up and dropped the phone down onto the mattress by Alex's leg. He covered the other man's hand and placed a chaste kiss on his nose. "How do you feel, baby?"

"Not good," Alex breathed softly.

"Can I leave you alone for a little while? I'm going to go get dressed then get you something to eat and drink."

Alex turned his face into the pillow. "Nooo, no food."

"You gotta put something in your stomach, Alex. I'm just going to make you some toast."

The other man grimaced. "The thought turns my stomach."

"As long as the actual food doesn't." Fox leaned in, kissing his lover once more, then gathered up some clothes and headed for the shower.

For the fifteen minutes Fox was gone, Alex lay trying not to move. The slightest disturbance seemed to upset his stomach, and he was in no condition to try and make a run for the bathroom. He whimpered softly into his pillow, wishing the hammer would stop clanging in his head and the midgets jumping around in his stomach would take a damn break if only for a few minutes.

//God, just kill me now.//

When Fox returned, he found Alex in the same position, looking as miserable as he did when Fox had left the room.

The depression of the mattress sent a fresh wave of nausea churning through Alex's stomach. He whined almost inaudibly, lifting one hand only an inch or two off the bed, splaying his fingers.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Fox said quickly, freezing his position. "God, it's that bad?"

Alex took in a few slow breaths, trying to quell the uneasiness. He nodded only very slightly and said nothing.

"Okay, Scully said that your body might just be reacting to all the stress it's been under for the last few months. You should be okay in a day or two..."

"Or *two*?" Alex inhaled sharply through his nose, stamping down another threat of revolt. He opened his eyes and spoke more calmly. "If I feel like this tomorrow, I want you to shoot me."

"It'll get better, I promise."

"Now."

Fox gently rested a hand on Alex's thigh. "Baby, if I could make it happen, I would. Listen, I'm going to go get your toast and make you some weak tea, and I'll be back." Very carefully, he stood up and again left the room. Running his hands through his hair, he walked into the kitchen and ran some water into the teakettle and set it on a high flame. He located the bread that Alex had bought last night and set two slices in the toaster, waiting until the water was boiling to make the toast. While he waited, he leaned against the counter, allowing himself to feel a little frustration.

He'd so wanted to wake up in his lover's arms this morning. He'd wanted to wrap himself around Alex's naked, warm body and kiss him awake, feeling the younger man's cock harden against his thigh...

The whistling tea kettle roused him out of his fantasy. He cursed softly and poured the hot water over the teabag he'd dropped into the mug, then toasted the bread. A few minutes later, he took Alex's breakfast into the bedroom where the younger man lay panting softly through his open mouth.

"Okay, babe, you gotta try and eat some of this."

"Don't want to," Alex whimpered, closing his eyes at the sight of the toast.

"Alex, you have to."

"No, I don't."

"Please try."

"Just the sight of it turns my stomach."

Fox studied the younger man for a moment, then softly called his name.

"Alex?"

"What?"

"Are you pregnant?"

Green eyes glided open and glared at the older man.

Fox cleared his throat and gave Alex a tiny, conciliatory smile. "Humor's the first thing to go. Guess you're *really* sick, huh?"

No answer.

Emitting a long sigh, Fox set the plate and mug down on the nightstand. He gently settled himself on the edge of the bed and picked up one of the slices of toast. Tearing it in two, he held the smaller piece up to Alex's lips. "Come on, take a little bite."

Alex flinched, moaning in protest.

"Alex..."

Each bite was a struggle, and when Fox finally got the other man to finish the small piece of bread, he reached for the tea. "Now, take a sip."

The first couple of sips went down well, but the third created a small tidalwave of queasiness. Alex groaned, wrapping his arms around his stomach, and Fox ran for the basin he knew was in the bathroom. He returned, diving for the bed just as Alex began to wretch. He held the basin, grimacing and looked away as the younger man vomited every bit of his breakfast into the shallow pan.

When he had finished, Alex pushed the basin away, bringing Fox's attention back to him.

"I'll uh..." Fox glanced down at the basin and looked quickly away. "I'll go get rid of...this.." He flushed the remains of Alex's breakfast and rinsed the pan, bringing it back to the bed in case it was needed again. "Here," he said to the whimpering man, placing the basin down on the bed beside him. "I'll go get you something to rinse your mouth. He disappeared and came back quickly, carrying a glass and a towel. Alex rinsed his mouth, spitting the mouthwash into the basin, then collapsed back against the pillows. Fox dabbed at his mouth and chin with the towel and again took the basin away to clean it out. When he returned, Alex opened his eyes part way and fixed a glassy green stare on him.

"Told you it turned my stomach."

"Yeah, you told me," Fox responded softly, caressing his hair. "I'm sorry, baby, but I'm just trying to help you." He leaned forward, gently resting his forehead against Alex's. "I don't want you to be sick."

Alex closed his eyes, too miserable to be aroused by Fox's proximity and the soft tone of his voice. "I'm not too thrilled about it, either," he complained and turned his head to the side.

Fox chewed on his lower lip and pulled back. "Why don't you get some sleep? I'll go get a fire started and find something to read, I guess."

"You're mad, aren't you?"

Fox tilted his head. "Mad?"

"At me."

"What? Why would I be mad at you?"

"I'm sure you thought like I did, that..." Alex took a deep breath and continued. "...that we'd spend all day in bed..."

"Yeah. I did think that, but, Alex...why would I be mad at you? You're *sick*, baby. And chances are, you're sick as a result of all the time you spent driving yourself crazy over me." He laid a tender kiss on the other man's lips. "We'll have our time together. By tomorrow you'll be feeling a lot better."

"I'll be dead by tomorrow if I have to deal with this the whole rest of the day."

"Weren't sick much, were you?"

"No. Couldn't afford to give in to illness. Couldn't lie around sick. Might not get up the next day."

Fox nodded. "Well, you're past that. And you're not going to die if you're sick for a day or two."

"Feel like it."

"I know." Fox kissed him again. "But try to relax. Go to sleep, and you'll feel better when you wake up. Then we'll try some food again."

Alex wrinkled his nose.

"Hey, remember when you were taking care of me up here? "

"...Yeah."

"Good. Keep that in mind the next time I come in here with more food."

Alex sighed softly and extended his fingers.

Fox slid his hand over to the younger man's, intertwining their fingers.

"Sorry I'm being a pain."

"It's okay." Fox raised Alex's hand to his lips. "You're not good at being sick." He shrugged and smiled. "I'm not very good at playing nursemaid, either."

Alex returned the smile. "Should've seen your face when you had to go clean out the basin."

"Find that amusing, did you?"

Alex nodded, moaning as his stomach flipped again. "It'll be funnier tomorrow," he whispered. "Gonna shut up, now."

"Okay." Fox sat quietly stroking Alex's head until he was sure that the younger man was asleep, then went into the living room and lit the fireplace. He ate a light breakfast then stretched out on the sofa with a book he'd dug out of the bookcase in a far corner of the room. Within an hour, he was sleeping soundly. Three hours later, the sound of Alex's voice woke him.

"Fox..."

"Hmm?" Fox sat up quickly shaking off the remnants of sleep. "What're you doing up?" he asked the man swaying over him as he reached for his hand.

Alex hitched the blanket he had wrapped around himself a little higher. "I called you but you didn't answer."

"I'm sorry, I guess I was in a pretty deep sleep." He pulled on the younger man's hand. "Come on, sit down before you fall down."

Alex sank down beside his lover and bowed his head, pulling the edge of the blanket up to his nose.

"Are you okay? You feeling worse?"

"No..."

"Why did you call me?"

The younger man shrugged. "I woke up and I didn't...I didn't want to be alone."

A slow smile lit Fox's face. He sat back against the arm of the sofa and stretched one leg out along its length. "C'mere." He held his arms out, and Alex melted into them. He kissed the top of the sable head and mumured against it, "Okay?"

Alex nodded, snuggling into his lover's embrace.

"You must feel a *little* better," Fox said. "You couldn't even move earlier without feeling sick."

"Stomach's not so bad. Head's still pounding."

"Well, if you'll try to eat, I can give you something for that...okay?" A few seconds ticked off before Alex answered.

"Okay." Alex wrapped his arms around Fox's waist, grumbling in protest as the other man tried to slip from beneath him.

"Baby," Fox chuckled against the side of the younger man's head, "I *have* to get up to get your food. I'll be back as fast as I can."

Reluctantly, Alex let him go and watched as he disappeared into the kitchen. When Fox returned some fifteen minutes later, he had tucked himself into a corner of the sofa and closed his eyes.

"You're not sleeping, are you?"

"No."

Fox set the tray down on the coffee table and took a seat beside Alex. "Okay, let's eat."

Alex looked down at the single, large bowl of chicken soup and stack of saltines and wrinkled his nose.

"I'll just give you the broth and the crackers," Fox explained. "I'll eat the rest."

Grudgingly, Alex opened his mouth for the first spoonful. He swallowed and made an unpleasant sound. "This is canned soup."

Fox looked at him with a deadpan expression. "What did you think you were going to get in fifteen minutes time? Homemade?"

"No," Alex pouted, "but the stuff in the package that you mix with boiling water tastes better."

Fox continued to stare. "The stuff in the package."

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you tell me that before I went into the kitchen?"

Alex sank lower into the blanket. "Thought you knew what I liked."

Fox raised his eyes heavenward, heaving a long sigh. "How can I know which of the two you prefer, Alex, when you make everything from scratch at home? Christ, you do everything but grow the vegetables and kill your own chickens." He looked back to the other man and found nothing visible but a pair of glazed, green eyes staring warily at the soup over the edge of the blanket. Fox lowered his head, smiling to himself, then tilted forward and planted a kiss on Alex's forehead. "Be back in a few minutes."

Leaving Alex bundled on the sofa, Fox again journeyed to the kitchen in search of the dry, packaged soup. After a brief search, he located a box and proceded to boil some water. He leaned against the counter, arms crossed over his chest, considering their latest obstacle. Though hardly serious, it was certainly frustrating to both men to be so ready and willing but unable. Yes, they made love last night, and yes, it was wonderful. But it was just a tease. An apetizer before the main course that fate seemed bent on delaying.

Fox sighed softly, turning to tear open the package and spill the contents into the bowl, and his thoughts turned to Alex himself.

Big, bad Alex Krycek. Ice cold assassin with a glare that could melt a glacier and an attitude as big as all outdoors...a man whose path people fell over themselves to get out of...acting very much like a six year old. The sight of him wrapped up to his nose in that blanket with that pathetic, puppy dog look on his face was as endearing as it was absurd. Fox laughed softly to himself as he retrieved the boiling kettle from the stove and added the water to the contents in the bowl. He stirred the mixture a few times and carried the bowl out to the living room. He sat at the edge of the sofa and, balancing the bowl in one hand, he dipped the spoon into the soup, holding it up in the general vicinity of Alex's mouth.

"Okay, here you go. Re-hydrated soup. Disgusting as it is..."

Alex looked from the spoon to Fox's face and back again before pulling the blanket away from his face and accepted the offering. Slowly, he ate about half the bowl and a few crackers, then refused any more.

Afraid to push the issue and make him sick again, Fox chose to give in without a struggle. He finished his own soup, polished off the remainder of the crackers, and removed the tray. By the time he returned, Alex's eyes were closing.

"Tired?"

Small nod.

"How's your stomach?"

"Little queasy, but not bad."

"Okay, well you try and go to sleep." Fox rose and started to walk away, but Alex's weary voice stopped him.

"Where are you going?"

"I was going to wash the dishes later, but you're going to go to sleep, so I might as well do it now." He groaned inwardly at the wounded expression on the younger man's face and again seated himself. "I'm sorry, baby," he said, petting his lover's head. "I'll stay until after you fall asleep."

Seemingly satisfied, Alex closed his eyes, sighing contentedly as Fox continued to stroke and pet him.

Soon enough, all sound ceased, and Fox determined that Alex was asleep. Carefully, he lifted himself from the sofa and disconnected Alex's cell phone from the charger, taking it with him as he passed into the kitchen. He turned the phone on and punched in Scully's phone number. When it rang a third time, he prepared to leave a message, but Scully picked up, voice soft and out of breath.

"H'llo?"

"It's me."

"Hi. Mulder, hang on for just a second, okay?"

"Okay."

Placing the antenna of the phone between her teeth, Scully picked up the grocery bag she'd dropped and hauled it and the other four into the kitchen. Bags now laid out on the counter, she dropped the phone back into her hand. "Okay, sorry. I had my hands full. How's it going? Alex any better?"

"A little. I just got him to eat a little soup, and now he's sleeping."

"Good. Sleep's just what he needs. So...what's up? How're *you*? Still no headaches?"

"Nope."

"Excellent. I can't tell you what a relief it is to hear that. I've been thinking about you all day."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I guess whatever that was that those bastards injected you with had no long term effects."

"Guess not."

"I still want to find that smoking son of a bitch and put a bullet in his head, though. Of course, I'd have to take a number and get in line behind Alex..."

"He never told me, Scully. How many people *did* you find in that house?"

"Quite a few."

"He killed them, didn't he?"

"Yeah."

"All of them?'

"Yeah. Except for Lieber. Skinner got him."

"Skinner?"

"He was going to shoot Alex. Skinner killed him."

Brief silence, then, "Wow."

"They've been decent to each other ever since."

"Yeah, now that you mention it. Who the hell would have thought?"

"Not me, that's for sure."

More silence.

"So," Scully said, "you have any idea how long you're going to be up there?"

"I don't know. I'd like a few days of uninterrupted happiness, though, you know?"

"As soon as he's better, there'll be nothing left to stand in your way...Mulder? Are you laughing?"

"Yeah...yeah, sorry, but...speaking of him getting better...you'd have to see this to believe it."

"See what?"

"Alex. He's being such a baby."

"A baby?"

"Yeah. He really can't deal with this being sick thing. It's unbelievable. This man has been in worse situations than you or even I could probably ever dream of, yet a little nausea and a headache have turned him into a little boy."

Scully snickered into the phone. "Something tells me that if he was by himself, he wouldn't be doing that."

"I know. I think he's really enjoying being coddled. He'd done for himself for so long. Nobody to worry about him. Nobody to take care of him."

"I'm sure you're giving him all the attention he needs."

"I'm trying. God knows he deserves more than I could ever do for him after all the shit I've put him through, but I'm giving it my best shot."

"Mulder, none of what happened was your fault."

"It kinda was, Scully. I promised him I wouldn't go up to that house until he had some information for me, and what did I do?"

Scully sighed softly. "Okay, well I can't say much about that except that like always, Mulder, you do exactly what you want to do."

"I hadn't actually intended to sneak up there behind his back after I promised him I wouldn't, but according to the information I got, they were packing up and moving everything. I *couldn't* wait. I called Skinner and told him."

"I know. He still can't forgive himself for not believing Alex when he called and told him to stop you."

Fox pulled a chair away from the kitchen table and sat down. "Alex never told me that he called Skinner."

"He did. Skinner just thought he was up to something and refused to go after you. He finally was able to get in contact with me. I'd been watching him closely the last few months, and I was sure that he was genuinely worried. *I* got hold of Skinner and asked him to go to Vermont. He met me there, and you know the rest."

"Yeah."

"Even now, Mulder, with you being alive and well, he's eaten up with guilt. He feels if he'd believed Alex, a lot of what happened could have been prevented."

"He shouldn't be taking all that on himself."

"I know, but what he shouldn't do and what he *is* doing are two different things."

"I'll talk to him when we get back. I don't blame him. Alex doesn't blame him..."

"Well, I wouldn't go *that* far."

"What d'you mean?"

"I don't know how Alex feels about that now, even though they seem to have called some sort of truce. You'd have to ask him about that, but he went insane when he got up to Vermont and found out what we thought had happened. He tried to kill Skinner. Took four guards to pull him off. He laid every bit of the blame for what had happened at Skinner's feet."

Fox sighed softly in to the phone. "I guess I would've done the same if our situations were reversed. The thought of losing him...I can't explain to you what it does to me. I'd be looking for someone to kill, too."

"I understand. I mean, I really, finally understand. Watching Alex was heartbreaking, Mulder. He was in really bad shape."

"He hasn't given me much detail on that."

"He probably just doesn't want to relive it."

"Then, would you tell me about it?"

Scully finished putting the last item away then dropped down into a chair at the kitchen table. "Well...I told you about Skinner...after Alex went after him a second time, I had the guards take him outside. I tried to talk to him, but he wasn't listening. He got it in his head that you could be alive under the rubble of the house, and he spent hours digging with his hands, looking for you. He finally collapsed, and I took him back into the command trailer, cleaned and bandaged his hands, and he sat there. I mean, literally sat there not moving, not talking until I made him leave with me the next morning."

Fox broke in. "Why'd you let him spend hours digging for me?"

"I didn't want to, Mulder, but if I didn't, he would have had it in the back of his mind that you *could* have been under there and he didn't do everything he could to find you. He had to come to the conclusion himself that he wasn't going to find you."

Her statement was met with an understanding silence.

"Anyway, I finally got him home. Another horrific experience. First, he didn't want to get out of the car. Took me God knows how long to get him to come into the building. Then, when we got to the door, he refused to go into the apartment. He sat on the floor outside the door for *hours*. Fell asleep out there. When he finally came in, he went into the bedroom and started sorting laundry...talking about you in the present tense. I...I couldn't take it. I tried to get him to see what he was doing, and he blew up. We both did. We started screaming at each other, and the next thing I knew, we were both on the floor, holding on to each other and crying like babies. I think if I had to name the single most important point in our relationship, that would be it. We became friends that night. Anyway, we planned your service...or I did, though I promise you, Mulder, I tried to get him to make the decisions. He was just too far gone to do it. The only thing he had an opinion on, and was adamant about, was Skinner's involvement. I thought he should deliver the eulogy, and Alex flat out refused to let him have anything to do with it. I'm just grateful he didn't bar Skinner from attending the funeral..."

Fox sat draped over the table, eyes closed as he listened to Scully describe his lover's reaction to his 'death' and the details of his funeral.

"...and the turnout was huge. I couldn't believe all the people who showed up..."

"What, you didn't think I knew that many people, or you didn't think that I was that well liked?"

Scully smiled into the phone, hearing the humor in her partner's voice. "A little of both, actually. Anyway, I was worried to death about Alex. He wanted to be alone the night before, and when I called him that morning, there was no answer. I went to your apartment, and he wasn't there. I waited as long as I could, then met Skinner and your mother, and we went to the cemetary. I kept looking for him throughout the service, Mulder, and I couldn't find him. When it was all over and it was just your mother, Skinner and myself left, he appeared. Like out of nowhere. Again, I had a bad time with him. He draped himself over the casket and refused to leave. It was your mother who got him up and led him away from the grave..."

"My mother?"

"I was about as shocked as you are right now. She was wonderful to him right from the start. She had no idea who he was when he first appeared. I *had* to tell her. I felt I owed it to you both to tell her the truth..."

"I appreciate that, Scully."

Scully paused, then continued. "She took to him immediately. She was so broken up about losing you and, from what I could determine, was feeling all sorts of guilt over the way your relationship had deteriorated over the years. She actually thanked Alex for bringing you happiness. She stuck pretty close to him during the short time she was here, and though no one could really bring him any comfort, I think he appreciated her effort. He uh...he was practically catatonic during the reading of you will, until the lawyer got to him. He didn't want to hear it. He really came unglued..."

"I didn't mean for that to happen," Fox murmured, regret and pain tinging his voice. "I just wanted him to know how important he is to me."

"I know. He knows. He just was in no shape to handle it. Somehow, we managed to get through it, and a little while later, this man showed up at your door."

"Who was it?"

"Someone Alex knew. He's the one who gave Alex the heads-up on the smoker and Lieber. Told him where they were hiding. He tore out of the apartment, Skinner and I followed, and the rest, as they say, is history."

Fox blew out a long breath. "All that, and then he spent weeks more being tortured. No wonder he's sick now."

"His body just needs this little period of readjustment, and he'll be fine. Just keep doing what you're doing. He certainly does deserve all the attention you can give him."

"Thanks for talking to me, Scully. And thanks for sticking by him. I have to say, I'm amazed as well as grateful...to you and my mother. I know it was an impossible thing to bring him any kind of comfort, but I really thank you for trying."

"No thanks necessary. Just try and remember to talk to Skinner when you get back, okay? Everybody's doing okay now, but he's still having a tough time."

"I won't forget. I'll talk to Alex and then talk to Skinner."

They conversed for another few minutes, then Fox hung up and washed and dried the dishes. That done, he returned to the living room, finding Alex still soundly asleep. He sat on the coffee table, studying the younger man.

//I'm sorry, baby.//

Until now, he really hadn't realized just how much hell he'd put Alex through. Unwittingly, yes, but it did nothing to assauge his guilt.

Fox slid down to his knees, leaning over the sleeping man. He lightly touched Alex's cheek, watching his lover's mouth twitch. Unconsciously, his tongue flicked over his lips as the overwhelming urge to kiss Alex hit him.

//Don't, you'll wake him.//

Fox pulled himself away, picking up the book he'd settled down with earlier, and took a seat in the chair across from the sofa. He read for over three hours, looking up over the book every so often to check on Alex, who remained soundly asleep the entire time. Finally, he decided to go see what he could make for supper that might not upset Alex's stomach further. Aside from soup which he felt sure Alex would *not* want to eat again, he had no idea what to feed a sick man.

"Should've asked Scully," he mumbled, rooting around the cupboards and refrigerator looking for anything that could be considered non-threatening to an upset stomach. Finally deciding on scrambled eggs and toast, he took everything out he thought he would need, then moved back into the living room, where he found Alex just opening his eyes. He crossed over to the sofa and squatted before the sluggish man.

Alex moaned sleepily and blinked up at him. "What time is it?" he asked in a garbled tone.

"About six-thirty. I was just in the kitchen looking for something for supper. How does scrambled eggs and toast sound?"

"You really wanna know?"

"Can you think of something you'd rather have?"

Alex shook his head and closed his eyes. "Not even if you *could* cook."

Fox grinned, tilting his head to the side. "What? Is that humor I hear?"

"Nothing funny about the way you manage to mangle lemon pepper chicken."

"That wasn't my fault," Fox shot back, remembering the incident of six months ago down to the finest detail. "Frohike and Langly came by, and they insisted that cinnamon went in it."

"*Cinnamon*, Fox? Think about that. And then think about who said it to you."

Fox's mouth twisted into a thoughtful pucker. He looked down at the younger man then smiled. "You're insulting my cooking. You *must* be feeling better."

"Not wonderful, but not nearly as bad as this morning."

"Good. Then the eggs won't kill you."

Alex groaned as Fox stood up and headed in the direction of the kitchen. Minutes later, he heard the cheerful clang of pots and pans, and an uncontrollable smile came to his face.

Fox was trying so hard to make him feel better. Of all the things the other man had done for him, to date this had to be the sweetest. Alex knew how inexperienced he was at taking care of anyone other than himself, and the effort he was putting in, in Alex's opinion, was a true labor of love.

He sat contemplating his unbelievable good fortune until Fox entered the room, grinning broadly. The older man carried with him a tray containing a single plate loaded with what actually did look like scrambled eggs, several slices of toast, a cup filled with what Alex suspected was more of that damned tea, and a lit candle.

Fox set the tray down on the coffee table and pulled the whole thing closer to the sofa. "Huh? Huh?" He nudged Alex gently with his elbow as he sank to the floor beside him. For the first time since yesterday, he heard the younger man laugh.

"I'm proud of you."

Hazel eyes sparkled. "And guess what else I did."

"What?"

"I soaked everything in hot, soapy water so it'd be easier to clean, just like you're always after me to do."

Alex stared blankly. "Okay, who are you, and what have you done with my Fox?"

Fox smirked at the snide query then jumped to his feet. "Almost forgot." He walked over to the CD player, loaded a couple of disks, then resumed his position on the floor beside Alex. Kissing the younger man's forearm, he murmured, "Ambience."

Alex raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth, uttering a silent 'oh'.

Fox picked the plate up from the tray and held a forkful of eggs to Alex's mouth. Alex took only half of what was offered, afraid of swallowing too much at once, and Fox shoved the rest into his own mouth. He nodded, smiling as he looked hopefully to the younger man. "This isn't bad."

"Actually, it's pretty good," Alex agreed. "You got them fluffy like I showed you."

"See, you might not think so, but I pay attention."

"I'm impressed."

Alex ate far better than Fox expected, and when the meal was over, he removed the dishes to the kitchen, washed and dried everything, then returned to find Alex still awake and looking a bit more alert than he'd been all day.

"I think by tomorrow, you'll be back to yourself," Fox commented hopefully as Alex leaned forward, making enough room for Fox to sit in the corner of the sofa.

"I hope so. I've had enough of this to last me the next twenty years," Alex replied, lying back in his lover's embrace.

"You'd better never get the flu or pneumonia or anything," Fox laughed. "I don't think either of us would survive it."

"Have I been that much trouble?"

Fox kissed the top of Alex's head. "No. You haven't been any trouble at all."

"Liar."

"I am not. I'm completely serious."

"Uh huh."

Fox drew back, looking into dubious, green eyes. "Let me ask you a question."

"What?"

"All those weeks you were taking care of me, cooking, cleaning, worrying...dealing with my headaches and mood swings, and once in a while I'd thank you or apologize for being so much trouble, what would you say to me?"

Alex gave Fox a slow smile and lowered his head, but the other man refused to be put off. He slipped two fingers under the stubbled chin and lifted, searching his lover's eyes. "What did you *tell* me?"

"I told you that you were never any trouble."

"Why wasn't I?"

"Because I love you."

Fox nodded. "So, why can't you believe it when *I* say it?"

Alex's eyes again lowered, and he shrugged his answer.

"You know all that stuff I said to you in my will?"

Frowning, Alex looked up to the other man.

"I talked to Scully earlier," Fox said in answer to the silent question. "That was no bullshit, baby."

"I know..."

"I don't think you really do," Fox countered gently. "I don't think you really, truly understand how important you are to me. How necessary. This may sound sappy, I don't know. But I don't care...my heart beats for you, Alex. I can't breathe without you..."

Alex attempted to look away, but Fox wouldn't allow it.

"You know how you feel about me. You know what it did to you when you thought I was dead. What makes you think it'd be any different for me? What makes you think I love you any less than you love me?"

Alex opened and closed his mouth several times before he was able to answer. "I...I know you love me."

"Exactly the way you love *me*." Fox took Alex's hand and placed it over his heart. "I feel it as deeply as you do. For every reason imaginable. You need to know it, and remember it, and never, ever doubt it. Please, baby."

Alex wound his arms around Fox, pressing his head to his chest. His heart pounded out a joyful rhythm, beating in concert with Fox's. "I won't doubt it...never."

Stripping naked, the two men moved to the floor, Fox throwing down several pillows and covering them with the fleece blanket. They held on to each other, content to lie in silence, stroking and nuzzling until the soft music sent them into a sound sleep less than two hours later.

********************

"Hmmmm...."

Fox writhed languidly, floating on a cloud of sweet sensation. Blindly he turned his head to the side, nuzzling the pillow beneath his face, sighing his lover's name. His only answer was an increase in pleasure, and soon his eyes began to flutter and open. A soft gasp tumbled from his lips as he woke, and he lifted his head, looking down at the sable head moving slowly between his legs. Automatically, one hand dropped, gently clutching the silken strands, and he again uttered Alex's name, this time on a louder, husky groan. The younger man's head lifted, and a devilish gleam lit his eyes.

"Good morning."

Fox's head dropped back against the pillows, and he groaned aloud. "Feeling good?" he gasped, earning himself a sly grin.

"You tell *me*." And with that, Alex's head dropped again, and he sucked his lover's cock down his throat.

"Shit! Oh, God, yeah. Aww, baby, you feel fantastic. Jesus, thank you," Fox panted, "thank you."

Happy in his task, Alex worked his mouth and tongue, stimulating every inch of his lover's swollen cock. Fluttering his tongue along the underside, he lifted his head until only the flared tip remained, then probed the tiny opening, tasting the drop of fluid that had formed there. He drew back, releasing Fox from his mouth, and slid up the length of the older man's body. He kissed Fox deeply, sharing the taste of sleep and arousal. "Aren't you going to ask me what I want for breakfast?" he purred against his lover's mouth.

Fox tried to laugh, but it came out as more of a groan. "Okay, what do you want for breakfast?"

"Mmm......." Alex licked a line across Fox's lower lip. "French toast."

Golden-brown eyebrows arched in surprise.

"...Big ass slab of ham..."

"I got a big ass slab of *something* for ya."

Alex grinned, running his tongue along the older man's chin then moved down the length of his throat. "...cocoa..."

Fox moaned as Alex moved down to his chest, first flicking at one aroused nipple and then the other. "What happened? I had a hard time feeding you *toast* yesterday."

"I know." Alex nipped at the hard, little peak beneath his lips. "But I feel great this morning, and I'm starving."

"So am I," Fox complained, restlessly running his fingers through Alex's hair.

"Okay, well, I'll go shower, and then I can get it started."

Fox's fingers tightened in the younger man's hair. "There's something *else* you started that you need to finish," he rasped between clenched teeth.

"Yeah?" Alex asked innocently, letting his hand slip down his lover's cock. "What's that?" He gasped softly as Fox pulled his hair, tipping his head back.

Fox stared down into a taunting green gaze. "Suck my cock," he whispered, the words coming across as a firm order...one Alex would be more than happy to obey...in his own good time. Fox's eyes closed, and a long, tormented whine escaped past his lips as Alex sucked a nipple into his mouth, lashing at it with the tip of his tongue. The whine turned to a harsh groan as he felt the younger man's teeth close around the nub and tug gently. "Baby, *please*," he begged, incurring another tug, sharper and more insistent this time.

A loud yelp rose into the air, followed by a soft moan as Alex soothed the reddened nipple with his tongue. Slowly, he worked his way south, licking and nipping at his lover's heated skin, following the light trail of golden hairs that led down to the darker, heavier patch of curls. He nuzzled the thick muscle that rose proudly from the patch, and it jerked toward his face, begging for more. Alex's tongue inched out, grazing the side of his lover's erection, working from base to tip, then again. He continued to lightly lick the shaft, listening to Fox's moans grow louder and more frantic, and when he was sure the older man could take no more, he swallowed the entire length of it, sucking and licking continuously, his mouth silently insisting that Fox give it up now.

Fox arched, his back coming several inches off the floor. He emitted a loud, sobbing gasp, hips thrashing as he now pumped his cock in and out of Alex's mouth.

Alex gripped Fox's hips, not to stop him, but simply to regulate his erratic movements. He forced the older man into a rhythm fast enough to satisfy Fox's need but controlled enough to keep himself from choking.

Beyond speech, Fox whimpered and sobbed as he drove again and again into Alex's mouth. His orgasm approached like the roll of thunder...an easy rumble churning in the distance, but growing with a steady intensity until it was directly overhead, and there was nothing Fox could do but ride it out. He gathered up fistfuls of fleece, groaning harshly through gritted teeth as he came down his lover's throat.

Alex tucked his hands under Fox's ass, tightly clutching the tense muscles as he sucked greedily at his lover's cock, swallowing every drop released into his mouth. When the groans had turned to exhausted whimpers, Alex released him, tenderly bathing the slowly diminishing erection. The whimpers faded into soft purrs of contentment, and Fox lifted a weakened hand to his head.

"Love you," Fox whispered, petting Alex's hair as the younger man continued to lick him clean.

Alex planted two kisses on the softening shaft and turned a smoldering gaze on the weary man. "Prove it."

Golden-brown eyelashes lifted, and glittering hazel eyes attempted to focus on the other man's face. The intensity of Alex's stare warmed Fox inside and out, and he smiled down at him. He took a moment to stretch then pulled himself into a sitting position, leaning forward to kiss his lover. The taste of himself on Alex's lips drew a low moan from him, and he pulled the younger man closer, deepening the kiss.

Mouths separating only for the amount of time it took to get to their feet, the two men stood locked together, feeding hungrily on each other as their hands roamed over hot skin and taut muscles.

"Shower," Fox ground out against Alex's mouth before again consuming the swollen flesh.

Alex nodded his agreement, and the two stumbled to the bathroom, reluctant to take their hands or mouths off of each other for the few seconds it would take to make the trip. They made it into the bathroom, and Fox groped inside the shower for the knob, turning the water on. That accomplished, his hand returned, gently rubbing over Alex's ass before cupping one cheek and pulling the younger man closer.

Alex groaned into his lover's mouth as their cocks pressed together, the sensation shooting a jolt of electricity straight through his body. He clutched at the older man's back, rubbing his head against the stubbled jaw. "Water must be warm enough," he panted, moving close enough to step backward into the tub. "Yeah. Perfect." He pulled Fox under the water, watching the spray immediately flatten his hair and spike his eyelashes. He combed the soaked strands back from Fox's face and moved in for yet another kiss.

Fox met his lover's lips with enthusiasm, sucking Alex's tongue into his mouth as his hands roamed over the wet, slick back, stoking and massaging the flexing muscles.

Alex bucked against the other man, his muffled moans barely heard in the swish of the water. As Fox pulled back then bit down on his lower lip, he groaned, wincing at the pain it created. Yet his cock throbbed in response, and he writhed frantically against the other man, whimpering for more.

Fox's teeth sank deeper into the tender flesh, released, then caught it again, growling as Alex's fingers dug into his ass. He moved forward, backing Alex against the tiled wall and abruptly freed his lip. Alex's gasp of relief died a fast death, catching in his throat as Fox shifted to his shoulder, sinking his teeth into that tender curve at the base of his neck. He felt the younger man shudder, and he paused, enjoying each little tremor that ran through the body in his arms.

"Do it," Alex hissed, clawing at his lover's back. "Please..."

Fox bit down a little harder then paused again, tightening his arms around the younger man, holding him still...

Alex's head snapped back and his eyes squeezed shut as Fox broke the skin. His mouth fell open on a silent scream as pure, animalistic ecstasy transcended the pain and took him to a place he'd feared he'd never see again.

Fox sucked and lapped at the blood that dripped from his lover's shoulder, shivering as the coppery taste flooded his mouth. His cock throbbed with renewed life, and he pulled his mouth away from the small wound long enough to spin Alex around and push him face first against the wall. The younger man whined, pushing his ass back against Fox's groin, and Fox pushed back, pinning him to the wall. Taking two hard swipes at Alex's shoulder, he moved up to the younger man's ear, pressing his lips to it.

"Don't move," he commanded softly, then turned away just long enough to snatch up the bath wash and sponge. He squeezed a generous amount into the sponge and began to gently wash Alex's back, moving down to his ass and legs. The entire back of the younger man's body now covered in suds, Fox moved the sponge over his own front, insuring that his quickly hardening cock was good and slick before he dropped the soapy puff by his feet. He moved up behind Alex, letting his slippery cock press into the crevice of the other man's ass.

"Please," Alex gasped, pushing back against Fox. "Fuck me...f...fuck me..."

"I plan to," Fox grated as he held his cock at the base and slowly worked the head into the tight opening. He paused, again fastening his mouth to the closing wound, and, with one hard push, buried himself inside his lover's heat.

Alex clawed at the wall, his knees almost giving out as pleasure crashed down on him from all sides. His lover's hand wrapping itself around his rigid erection took him outside of his own mind, snapping the constricting bands of rationality, and he screamed. A loud, desperate, feral scream that went on forever it seemed, as Fox sucked at his shoulder and pumped his cock in time to his urgent thrusts.

The sound of his lover's screams pounded in Fox's ears, driving him into a frenzied rhythm. Snarling against Alex's shoulder, he slammed into his ass, pumping a second flood of semen into him.

Alex immediately followed his lover, the scream turning into a sob as he came over Fox's hand and the tile in front of him. He sagged against the wall when it was done, choking on each attempted breath. Fox leaned into him, head resting on his shoulder while he gathered the strength to stand on his own. Long minutes later, the older man pulled out of him and straightened up.

"That just about killed me," Fox moaned, turning Alex to face him and wrapping his arms around the younger man. "Are you all right?"

Alex rested in his lover's arms, momentarily incapable of speech. He winced and moaned softly as Fox tenderly kissed the wounded flesh, then nuzzled the older man's chest. "Couldn't be better."

"This is going to leave a bitch of a mark," Fox informed him, lightly drawing his fingertips along his shoulder. "Maybe even a permanent scar."

Alex lifted his head and gave the other man an exhausted smile. "God, I hope so."

His response received a soft laugh, and Fox backed them under the water. "Better hurry up and get out of here before the hot water runs out."

They washed each other, kissing and teasing, then dried off. Fox insisted on cleaning the bite wound with an antiseptic, then they dressed and headed into the kitchen for breakfast.

********************

Fox sat at the kitchen table, cheek resting in the palm of his hand, watching the younger man wolf down his breakfast.

"Making up for yesterday?"

"Told you I was hungry."

Fox sent him an amused grin. "I'm glad you're feeling better."

"Me too." Alex lowered his fork to the plate, returning Fox's smile. "This feels so good. I was terrified sometimes that we'd never get back to being us."

"You were very patient."

The smile faded from Alex's face. "I'd wait forever for you."

Silence fell over the room as the two stared at each other. Fox leaned in, reaching across the short distance and touched his hand to Alex's cheek. The action closed the younger man's eyes, and he turned into the caress, depositing a tender kiss in the warm palm. Fox drew his hand away slowly, trailing his fingers along Alex's jaw, then let the hand rest in his own lap.

"Glad it didn't take that long."

Not taking his eyes away from his lover's, Alex nodded in response.

"I'm sorry I didn't wait for you to call me," Fox said softly.

Alex's eyes widened in surprise. "Where'd *that* come from?"

"Talked about it with Scully yesterday. I caused you so much grief...but I had reason to believe that they were picking up and moving..."

"I know," Alex interrupted. "And I wish to God you'd waited, but I understand why you didn't."

Fox's eyes lowered to the table top. "Can you understand why Skinner didn't go running up to Vermont when you called him?" He looked up into dark eyes, waiting for an answer.

"I can understand it, but...it...I didn't care what his reasons were at the time. All I cared about was that you were on a collision course with disaster, and he had the best chance of stopping you. I was so focused on getting you out of there, I couldn't see that he felt he had plenty of reason to distrust me." Alex blinked several times and bowed his head. "When I finally made it up there and found all those emergency vehicles and what was left of the house...and Scully broke the news and handed me your wallet..." He shook his head. "I needed someone to blame, and Skinner fit the bill...and he was right there in front of me. I saw red...no, red isn't even what I saw...it was sort of a dull, reddish, blackish...I can't tell you how much I hurt. I can't tell you how badly I wanted him dead." He ran a hand through his hair and fell silent.

Fox pulled his chair closer and kissed the top of Alex's inclined head. "But you did get over it..."

"I realized toward the end that he really was feeling like shit about it. He put his ass way out there, following me to the place where I found you. He watched me kill a whole lot of people...he killed Lieber himself."

"To save you."

"Yeah. But you know I...even though I understand why, I still can't help thinking that if he'd only listened to me in the first place, what happened might have been prevented. I don't know that we'll ever be good friends, Fox, but we can at least be in each other's company without wanting to kill each other."

"More than I ever would have expected," Fox murmured into Alex's hair

The younger man picked his head up and laid a gentle but thoroughly arousing kiss on his lover's lips. "You wanna go out and get some firewood while I start cleaning up here?"

Fox nodded and moved in for another kiss. Meeting Alex's open mouth, his tongue swept inside, coiling around its mate even as Fox rose from his seat. He pulled away slowly, sucking on Alex's tongue as he moved. "Be back in a few," he whispered, brushing his lover's mouth with his own, then turned and vacated the room, leaving Alex squirming in his chair.

Alex sat for a few seconds more, calming the racing of his heart before he rose and started clearing the table.

********************

Long trails of vapor streamed from Fox's mouth as he picked up as much firewood as he could carry. He turned his face upward, observing the sickly gray clouds and sniffing the air.

Snow sky.

He'd seen enough of them in his lifetime to recognize one.

As he walked toward the house, he lifted his head, sniffing the air. For some reason, this sky...the stillness in the air...it reminded him of Martha's Vineyard and the blizzard that had paralyzed the island in nineteen seventy-eight, his senior year of high school. It was the last winter he'd spent at home, and as it turned out, one hell of a sendoff.

Everything had come to a standstill as a massive winter storm rolled through and dumped three and a half feet of snow on Southern New England and the islands. He recalled how the howling wind had drowned out the sounds of his mother yelling at him from the doorway as he waded out into the yard and stood there marveling at the heavy snow and ferocious winds that had combined to inflict absolute chaos on the island. He'd closed his eyes, leaning a bit into the wind to remain upright as the blizzard had swallowed him, shutting out the world and creating a vortex of sound and sensation where only he and the storm existed.

The pure sensuality of those few moments consumed him, and though he'd always remember it, he'd never again experience anything like it until several years later when he'd rediscovered it in the arms of the beautiful, green-eyed, walking contradiction who had all at once corrupted and cleansed his soul.

One year ago, Alex had enveloped him as the snow had, his devastating energy blinding Fox and taking him away from everything he knew. He was turned upside down and inside out, and for the first time he'd met the man inside himself. It was no one he'd recognized but was anxious to know.

He'd shocked himself as more and more of his hidden self emerged over the past year. He'd thought that even Alex might have been surprised, never imagining that he'd been equally matched. Fox's appetite for excitement was every bit as great as his, and together they were incendiary. The heat they created reached far beyond whatever space they inhabited, leaving no one around them unscorched...

He smiled to himself as he reached the door, balancing his armload and opening the door. Pushing it closed with his foot, he deposited the wood in its place by the hearth and looked toward the kitchen. From the sound of the running water, he assumed that Alex was doing the dishes. He rose and walked to the kitchen, carefully pushing open the swinging door.

He watched quietly as the younger man rinsed and stacked the dishes, and his heart swelled. As easily as Alex could heat him up, he could inspire the tenderest of emotions as well.

Domestic Alex Krycek had to rank up there as one of the truly amazing wonders of the world. Here was a man who'd lived most of his adult life in the most unconventional way possible, and now, for the love of one man, he was here in the middle of nowhere, standing in the kitchen of the cabin he owned but might have never set foot in again, washing and rinsing breakfast dishes.

Fox approached silently and let his hands slide up the length of Alex's back, coming to rest on his shoulders. He leaned forward, letting the tip of his nose and then his lips graze the back of the younger man's neck, and was rewarded with a tiny shiver.

Alex raised a damp hand and covered one of Fox's as he inclined his head, giving the older man better access.

Fox smiled and licked then kissed the fine hairs at the base of Alex's neck. "Goosebumps?" He rumbled, amused at his lover's reaction.

"You know how sensitive the back of my neck is," Alex moaned as Fox moved higher, getting closer to his hairline.

"Yeah, I know." Fox nuzzled the sable fringe. "I love the way your whole body trembles..."

Alex moaned and closed his hand around Fox's, dragging it to his lips. "Your hands are cold," he whispered, delicately licking at the pads of Fox's fingers.

The older man inhaled deeply and let the air out in a long sigh, ruffling Alex's hair. "Yeah. I think it's going to snow."

"I hope it does."

"Why?"

"I don't know," Alex murmured, lifting Fox's other hand to his mouth. "Just something about being inside, making love by the fire while it's snowing like hell outside...like the first time we were here..."

"Mmmm. You almost done with those?" Fox asked, referring to the dishes.

"Yeah." Alex released his lover's hands and went back to rinsing the dishes. A tiny smile curved his lips, and his eyes closed as Fox's hands returned to his shoulders, massaging gently. The older man continued to kiss and nibble at the back of his neck. "Not going to get anything done if you keep that up," he warned softly.

Fox's hands traveled down the other man's arms, slipping into the warm water, joining the hands already there. "How about I help you, then?" His hands glided over Alex's and took the plate from him, placing it in the rack. As his lips moved to the side of the younger man's neck, finding the throbbing pulse, he pulled a soapy glass from the other side of the double sink and plunged it into the clear water, rinsing it clean. As it joined the dishes already in the rack, Fox continued to rinse each item in the same manner until everything was clean and Alex was wrecked. He wrapped one arm around the younger man's waist and tilted his head back until it rested against his shoulder. His free hand wandered over Alex's chest, undoing the buttons of his shirt as his mouth explored the exposed throat.

Alex reached back, plunging his damp fingers into Fox's hair, holding the older man's head in place as he writhed against him. Fox's hands and face...even his hair might have been cold after his trip outside, but the stony bulge that pressed against his ass was quite warm, bordering on hot. He wanted that heat. He needed it, and he damn sure was going to have it...

Fox groaned as Alex pushed back against him, wedging his restrained erection between them. He undid the last button of the younger man's shirt and let his hand skim over the impressive mound at the front of the worn Levis. Feeling Alex's body jerk against him, he gently squeezed the  protrusion and kissed a path up to his ear.

"You know what I want?"

Alex flinched and moaned as the tip of his lover's tongue teased the inside of his ear. "I think I have an idea, but you can tell me anyway."

"I want to make love to you in the snow." Fox smiled as a tiny shiver ran through the younger man. "Does the thought alone make you cold?"

"Cold? Oh...yeah, I guess it would be cold..." A soft, throaty chuckle and the feel of Fox's hand slipping past the waistband of his jeans sent a another shiver through him.

"I can just imagine the steam rising off your body as each flake falls on it." His teeth closed on Alex's earlobe, giving it a playful tug. "I could lick them off as they melted..."

"I can't believe I'm even considering it."

"Really? *You*?"

Alex's laugh faded into a groan as Fox's hand found his cock. His hips thrust forward as the hand teased him to greater hardness, and the sounds of his soft whimpers filled the room.

"Knowing you, I wouldn't be able to believe it if you *hadn't* considered it," Fox whispered.

"You trying to tell me something?"

"Nothing you don't already know."

"Oh, really?"

"Mmm hmm. I don't have to tell you how outrageously easy you are."

Alex turned in Fox's arms, coiling himself around the older man and rubbing his head against his jaw. "Only for you, baby."

Fox hugged his lover to his chest and kissed the side of his head. "Let's go see if it's snowing."

Hand in hand they walked to the living room, stopping in front of the picture window. Fox leaned against the back of the sofa and pulled the younger man back against him. "Not yet," he said, searching the sky, "but soon."

Alex nodded, eyes scanning the treeline. He froze for a moment then tapped Fox's arm. "Hey. Look."

"What?" Fox asked, presently more interested in the taste of the younger man's neck.

"Eagles," Alex whispered. "Remember?"

Fox looked up to the window and smiled as he watched the two birds rising above and dipping below the tops of the trees. "Yeah." He squeezed Alex to his chest. "I do remember."

They watched the birds in silence for a while, then Fox kissed his lover's jaw. "I read someplace once that they mate for life."

Alex turned his head to the side, looking into glowing pools of hazel. "Yeah?"

Fox nodded and moved in for a long, loving kiss. He concluded with a series of smaller pecks to Alex's chin, cheek and ear, then looked back to the window. "I think I see a few flakes."

Alex's gaze followed Fox's, and he grinned broadly. "I think you're imagining things."

"Am not. You don't see that? Look." He pointed to a spot just to the right of Alex's line of vision. "Right there. You see?"

"No, I really don't...oh, wait. Okay, yeah, I just saw one...*one*."

"There'll be more," Fox purred into Alex's ear. "You still up for it?"

Alex smiled and pushed back against the other man. "Why don't you see for yourself?"

Fox undid the button at the waistband of Alex's jeans and drew the zipper down. Gently, he reached inside and closed his fingers around his lover's raging hard-on. "Guess so."

Alex pushed himself away, leaving the warmth of Fox's arms. "Why don't you get our jackets? I'll go get a blanket." He smiled at the older man as he tucked himself back into his pants and moved off toward the bedroom.

Still leaning against the sofa, Fox pitched forward, bending at the waist and taking a few steadying breaths.

//Down, boy. Easy...//

"You okay?"

Fox straightened up, looking into concerned, green eyes. "Fine. I just..." He walked toward the younger man, pulling him into his arms. "Just a little overwhelmed, I guess. I've got my life back." He kissed Alex's mouth briefly. "And it's better than ever."

"We've been incredibly lucky, that's for sure," Alex said, running one hand up and down Fox's back. "Now, how about we go outside and play in the snow?"

********************

The flakes were visible now, falling gently around the two men as they walked in silence. Alex squeezed Fox's hand and motioned with his head to a small grouping of trees at the edge of the forest. The older man gave him an approving smile, and they moved in that direction. By the time they reached the desired spot, the snow had become a heavy flurry, now sticking to their hair and jackets. Alex unrolled two blankets and laid them out on the ground, smiling up at his lover.

"Don't want to feel the cold ground under us." He sat on the blankets and pulled Fox down to him, immediately pressing their mouths together.

Fox's hands burrowed under Alex's jacket, running them over the chilled skin of his chest. Alex hadn't buttoned his shirt before putting his jacket on, citing the pointlessness of such an act, and Fox had to agree.

Alex moaned into Fox's mouth as the other man's fingers whispered over his taut nipples then traveled on down to his pants. The top button had remained undone, and the older man made quick work of the zipper. Alex sank down onto his back, allowing Fox to remove the clothing from his lower body. He shivered as the flakes fell down on his bare skin and as Fox moved in to lick a number of them away.

"Are you too cold?" Fox asked as his tongue swiped at a flake that had deposited itself in Alex's navel.

"Could be warmer," Alex stuttered, pulling at the other man's pants. "Friction works..."

Fox assisted in the removal of his lower garments and covered the younger man with his body. "Better?"

Alex grinned up at Fox, writhing against him. "Yeah. Your ass is gonna get cold, though."

"Hey, *somebody's* ass has got to freeze." He moved in, taking his lover's mouth in a hungry kiss. "You're worth the frostbite."

Alex stared up at Fox for moment then shrugged out of his jacket and shirt. "Fuck me, baby."

A rush of vapor puffed from Fox's open mouth, and he sat up, removing his own jacket and shirt, and for long moments, neither man moved, thoroughly entranced by the sight of the now steadily falling snow dusting their aroused bodies. Finally, Alex rose into a sitting position, facing the older man. "I think I changed my mind." He smiled at the older man's look of confusion and leaned in, licking the melting snow from his shoulder. "I want to fuck *you*."

Before Fox could respond, he was being pushed onto his back and covered by his lover's body. He wrapped his arms around Alex, feeling the heat beneath the cool, wet surface of his skin. As the younger man groped for his jacket and pulled the lube out of the pocket, Fox licked his chest and shoulder, swallowing the moisture and stoking the internal fire that raged in them both. He grunted as Alex pulled far enough away to unscrew the cap and squeeze the contents of the tube into his hand.

"Two seconds, baby," Alex reassured his impatient lover while he stroked on the gel. That accomplished, he moved into position as Fox wound his legs around his waist. He grasped his cock at the base and carefully guided it into the tight opening, gasping at the intense heat that surrounded him. "Oh, God. Ohhhh, God..." He stopped, fighting to maintain control as violent tremors passed through him.

"Easy, baby," Fox whispered, kissing Alex's shoulder and ear. "Easy..."

"I...I'm..." Alex looked down into his lover's face. The beauty of him lying there, heavily flushed skin covered in quickly accumulating snow, spiked eyelashes drooping to conceal oceans of sparkling amber...short puffs of steam pushing past those sinfully full, rosy lips was too much for Alex's overloaded senses to take. "Can't," he sobbed, digging his fingers into his lover's ass and pushing fully into him. "I can't..."

Fox pulled Alex down to him, hugging the younger man tightly to his chest and trapping his swollen cock between their bodies. "All right, baby. All right..."

Alex moved slowly at first, but quickly gained speed and strength, driving forcefully into the other man over and over again as he gasped for air.

"That's it, baby," Fox encouraged softly in Alex's ear. "God, I love you. Come on...right there...oh, *shit*, it's right...right there..."

The frigid temperatures and driving snow no longer stung Alex's skin. It all just disappeared, leaving only the sensation of his lover beneath and around him, and the sound of his voice, pushing Alex closer and closer to the edge of insanity.

"Don't hold it," Fox grated against the side of Alex's neck as he rocked against him. "Let it go. Come on, baby, I wanna hear you scream..."

Alex gritted his teeth, feeling the familiar tightening of his insides, and the roar built in his throat as completion danced within his reach. Fox's muscles contracted around him as the older man's own orgasm hit, taking them the rest of the way.

The virtual silence was pierced with echoing cries as both men came violently, thrashing against each other, then went still. Brief seconds later, both began to tremble as they came down from the high of intense arousal, and the cold started to register in their sluggish brains. Alex lifted his head from Fox's shoulder, kissing the older man gently before moving away to retrieve their clothing.

Fox shuddered as cold air came between them, and he sat up, taking the garments offered to him. Once dressed, they wrapped the dry side of both blankets around themselves, sharing a sweet kiss before returning to the shelter of the cabin.

Fox's hand held securely in his, Alex walked into the welcoming warmth of the cabin and went directly to the bedroom where they shed their clothing and wet blankets. Hanging everything up to dry, they stepped into a warm shower, tenderly washing then drying each other, then lay down in front of the fire, wrapping themselves in another thick blanket.

Fox inched farther down into the fleece cocoon, snuggling against Alex's chest and closed his eyes. Seconds later, he began to smile, then laugh softly.

"What?"

Fox laughed harder, prompting Alex to slip two fingers under his chin and force his head up. "What's so funny?"

"We are," Fox sniffed just before a fresh burst of giggles. "Freezing our asses out in the snow..."

Alex grinned down at his lover. "Yeah, it was *your* idea, remember?"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Tell me you didn't enjoy it, though."

"I'd be lying if I did, and you know it."

Fox grinned, kissing the younger man's chest. "You think it's a bad thing?"

"What?"

"The way we feed off each other's insanity."

"Nah. It's definitely a good thing. We understand each other so well." Alex stroked his lover's hair as he stared up at the ceiling. "We share the same thoughts. The same needs and desires. I had a tough time believing it even though I wanted to with all my heart." He kissed the top of Fox's head. "But you'll be happy to know that you've finally drilled it into my thick head. We belong to each other in so many more ways than I can count."

"Hallelujah," Fox mumbled. "Light dawns."

Alex gave the older man a sharp smack across his ass, generating a surprised yelp.

"You prick," Fox complained, rubbing the sore spot. "That *hurt*."

"*Good*," Alex smirked. "Here I am, pouring my heart out to you, and what do I get? Sarcasm."

"Thought you liked my acid wit?"

Alex slid a hand down to Fox's ass. "And *I* thought you liked being spanked."

"What makes you think *that*?"

"I don't know," Alex purred, delivering another stinging slap to the older man's ass. "Could have a little bit to do with that sound you just made...and the way you're rubbing against me."

"I am not," Fox moaned softly, squirming against Alex's hip.

"No?"

Another hard slap.

Another yelp.

"No."

"Do I have to beat the truth out of you?"

The question got Alex a long, needy whine as Fox writhed lewdly against him.

"Damn, baby, didn't take you long," Alex commented, smiling at the feel of his lover's solid erection digging into his upper thigh. He rolled Fox beneath him and pinned the older man's wrists to the floor on either side of his head. "I love you, you beautiful, insatiable slut."

Fox lifted his head from the floor, trying to reach his lover's mouth, but Alex stayed just out of reach.

"Alex..."

"Yeah, baby?"

"Come on." He tried again, just touching the younger man's lips before Alex again pulled back.

"Nope."

Fox arched up, pushing his hips into Alex's. "Please..."

"You gonna admit you're a freak?"

"I'm not a *freak*."

Alex sighed, shaking his head. "Baby..." He lowered his head to Fox's ear, singing softly. "Baby, baby, baby, sweet baby..." The older man shuddered as the low, melodic tone vibrated along his auditory nerve. "You are, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the freakiest, kinkiest....freakiest..."

"You said that already."

"I know, shut up. Where was I? Oh yeah....sluttiest freak it has *ever* been my joy to know. Now, recognize it and let's move on."

Fox stared seductively up at the younger man. "No."

"Ah, my love," Alex crooned. "Your lips say no, but your dick says yes...so, I guess I'll just have to find better use for your lips."

Fox panted softly, waiting to hear what Alex had in mind for him. The younger man lifted himself away and sat back against the nearest chair. "C'mere, babe."

Fox crawled toward the other man and allowed himself to be positioned so that he lay across Alex's lap. He looked up into forest-green eyes, reading his lover's intention, and lowered his head, gently licking the length of Alex's aroused cock.

Alex's eyes closed briefly as he inhaled through his nose, then opened as he exhaled. His hand swept up and down the older man's back, just skimming the top curve of his ass.

Fox licked Alex from base to tip, reveling in the taste and feel of his lover on his tongue. As he reached the head, his tongue danced around the tip, teasing the small opening. Hearing Alex's harsh groans of pleasure, he opened his mouth, letting the head slip inside.

Alex slouched a bit, his respiration deepening. "Come on, baby," he whispered, kneading the muscles in Fox's back. "Suck me..."

Completely ignoring Alex's request, Fox kept his mouth slack, only lightly lashing at the head with the tip of his tongue. His disregard earned him a biting slap, and his ass tightened in response.

"I said, suck me."

Fox writhed shamelessly, his cock throbbing at the sting in Alex's touch and his words. His lips closed around the head of the other man's cock, and he applied a light pressure.

"Harder, Fox," Alex instructed softly. "*All* of it."

Fox shivered, moving lower on the velvety smooth shaft until, inch by inch, it disappeared completely past his lips.

Alex's free hand moved gently over Fox's head as he fought to steady his breath. "Oh, yeah...my baby. Jesus, that mouth..."

Fox whimpered as the head of Alex's cock hit the back of his throat. He wrapped his arms around the younger man's waist, increasing the suction as his tongue fluttered over the underside. As he pulled up, Alex's head fell back and he groaned though clenched teeth.

"God...beautiful, fucking beautiful....slut..." Alex inflicted another blow across Fox's left ass cheek, and the older man's body jumped in reaction. "Harder, baby. Faster."

Fox whimpered around his mouthful, and his head rose and fell in answer to his lover's command. The hand in his hair tightened, and Alex began to buck, now thrusting steadily into his mouth. Fox met each thrust, his moans becoming more frantic.

"Oh, God...Christ...don't stop..." Alex gritted his teeth, digging his fingers into Fox's ass as he came long and hard, pouring his semen down his lover's throat.

Fox swallowed all that Alex had to give him, refusing to let go until the younger man's body went limp and soft purrs of contentment rumbled in his chest. He pulled himself up, nuzzling the exhausted man's chest and throat, then licking at his lips. "Alex," he whimpered, trying to rouse his lover. A low moan was all the response he received, and he pressed closer, rubbing his aching cock against Alex's thigh. "Baby, I'm hurting. Please..."

Tired, green eyes opened halfway, studying the distressed face in front of them. Alex raised a hand to Fox's cheek, letting his thumb sweep over the downturned mouth. "Tell me," he whispered wearily.

"What?"

"That I'm right."

Fox whined impatiently, curling himself around the other man. "About what?"

"About you being an insatiable, incurable freak."

"You're right," Fox agreed without hesitation. "I *am* a freak. Okay? I'm an unbelievable slut. But all the blame belongs to you." Fox slithered against Alex, loving the feel of his lover's skin against his. "You did this to me."

"That's blame I'll gladly accept." Gently, Alex pushed Fox away then stretched out on his back. He held his arms out, and the older man fell into them, covering his mouth with ravenous kisses.

"I need you," Fox gasped between attacks on Alex's mouth. "Please let me..."

Alex moaned, threading his fingers through Fox's hair. He lifted the other man's head away from his and stared up into desperate, gold-flecked eyes. "You know I can't say no to you when you look at me like that. Where's the lube?"

Silently cursing himself for not bringing the tube with him, Fox leapt to his feet and stalked into the bathroom, snatching the lube from the edge of the sink where he'd left it, then returned.

Alex held his hand out as Fox kneeled beside him. "Give me that."

When the older man handed the tube to him, Alex motioned for him to lie down on his back. He rose to his knees then straddled Fox's hips, squeezing some gel out into his palm. Fox squirmed beneath him, anticipating his touch as he rubbed his hands together, warming the gel. Smiling down at his lover, he gently grasped his cock, applying a thick coating.
 

Fox bit down on his lip, making a low, grunting sound in his throat as Alex caressed his cock longer than he had to.

"What's the matter, baby?" the younger man teased. "Can't take it?"

Fox shook his head, whining pitifully.

"All right, all right. No more teasing."

Just as Fox's hands clamped down on Alex's waist, preparing to spin the younger man onto his back, Alex's hands closed around Fox's wrists.

"No."

Alex's eyes darkened to near-blackness, and his voice held that gravel and molasses timbre that said to Fox in no uncertain terms that *he* was in charge. He released Fox's wrists, and the other man let his hands drop to his sides.

For long minutes, all that could be heard was the crackle of the fire and the soft sound of a man trying desperately to control his breathing.

Alex raised a hand to Fox's face, tracing his hairline, then the curve of his cheek. He let his fingertips skim over the roughened surface again and again, loving the texture and imagining it rubbing against the inside of his thigh. He shuddered ever so slightly and moved on, following the generous swell of his lover's lower lip.

"You said..." Fox paused, his throat convulsing as he tried to swallow. "...you said no more teasing."

"I'm not teasing you, baby," Alex murmured. "I just wanted to look at you." His hand drifted down Fox's throat. "Just wanted to touch you. I love to touch you..."

Fox's eyelids lowered and his head rolled to the side as Alex's fingers closed around his throat, and the younger man leaned in, licking a path along his jaw.

"And I love to taste you..." A tiny smirk twitched at the corner of Alex's mouth as Fox sobbed his name. He found his lover's mouth, engaging him in a slow, deep kiss while he reached behind himself, grasping his cock. He felt Fox quiver as he raised himself a bit, positioning the older man's cock and helping the head push inside.

Fox pushed upward, unable to keep from trying to bury himself in Alex's heat, but the younger man backed off too quickly.

"Not so fast," he warned his lover, who was now snarling his frustration.

"I *want* it fast," Fox complained, bucking again, uselessly.

Alex shook his head slowly. "Look at this, baby."

Fox followed Alex's gaze to his half-erect cock.

"Give me a little more time," Alex purred, running his fingertips over the awakening shaft, "and I'll come with you."

Fox rolled his eyes up into his head and closed his lids over them. "God, what's this? Three?"

Alex reached for his lover's hands and brought them up to his chest. "Can't help it if I can't get enough of you."

Fox gave the younger man a pained grin and began moving his hands over the warm chest, lightly brushing then pinching the erect nipples. He watched Alex's eyes close, and he pinched harder, tugging insistently.

Alex's head fell back, and a hard gasp escaped his lips. His cock jumped in added response and began to thicken and pulse to life. He pushed down a bit more, feeling the added stimulation of his lover's considerable length filling him.

Fox gritted his teeth, doing everything he could think of to keep his full focus off of what was happening to his body, but with his cock wedged partway in Alex's ass, and the younger man moaning above him, chances were slim that he'd succeed. When Alex slid down the rest of the way and his muscles started contracting around the presence inside him, those chances suddenly went from slim to none.

Fox's mouth fell open, and a broken sob rang out as Alex began to move, still milking his cock with his muscles. "I'm ready, baby," Alex gasped, moving one of Fox's hands down from his chest to his rigid cock. "Let's do it."

Fox emitted a hoarse cry as Alex rose up a few inches. He jerked upward as his lover descended, quickly finding a driving rhythm that suited them both. His fingers tightened around Alex's cock, squeezing and pumping as Alex did essentially the same to him. He forced his eyes to remain open as he watched the younger man's face contort into a mask of fierce pleasure. Alex was about to come for the third, and somehow Fox thought, not the last time today, and he didn't want to miss it. Looking into Alex's face as he came was the closest he thought he would ever come to having a religious experience.

His beautiful, tarnished angel. A religion unto himself. And Fox his loyal disciple...

Fox watched, entranced as his lover's eyes turned to glittering slits and his teeth clenched as his body rose and fell repeatedly, harder and faster until loud, choking sobs tumbled from his lips, and he drenched the hand wrapped around him in slick warmth...

So amazing.

The idea that he could make this man whimper and beg for his touch never ceased to amaze Fox. The fact that Alex wouldn't...that he could *never* lose control for anyone else shook Fox to his roots. That *he* wielded so much power over a man who would never submit to another living soul...it was overwhelming.

And arousing beyond description.

Fox let go, his love's frantic cries of completion ringing in his ears. He gripped Alex's hips and slammed into him twice more, then exploded, his harsh groans drowning out Alex's softer, fading sounds. The younger man collapsed onto his chest, and his arms automatically encircled the heated, perspiration-speckled back. One hand glided over the slick skin as he kissed the damp, sable head, whispering soft, breathless words of love.

Alex snuggled into his lover's embrace, deep, satisfied moans rumbling in his chest. Neither man spoke a word, preferring to bask in the loving silence, and soon enough, both were soundly asleep.

********************

"Hello?"

There was a brief silence, then a hesitant female voice sounded. "Sir? It's Scully."

Skinner pushed away from his kitchen counter, carrying his half-eaten bowl of soup with him. "Good evening, Agent Scully. Is everything all right?"

"Yes, sir. You'd asked me to keep in touch and let you know how Mulder was doing up in Oregon."

"Yes."

"I would have called you earlier, but I was out for most of the day. He's doing fine, sir. After a bit of a rough time, his memory has returned completely."

Skinner bowed his head, closing his eyes. "That's the best news I've heard since he was found. When did you speak with him?"

"Yesterday. He said he's feeling normal again."

"That's wonderful. Krycek must be relieved, too."

"Yes, he is. So much so that he was sick as a dog yesterday."

"Sick?"

"Yes. Well, he's been under a lot of stress, and now that it's all over, his body has more or less collapsed. I assume he's feeling better today, because I haven't heard from Mulder."

"I see. Any indication when they'll be back?"

"Nothing definite. Mulder wants at least a few days of real relaxation before they think about coming back. I think they're both very much entitled to that."

"Of course. The next time you speak to Mulder, give him my best."

"I will." Scully paused for a moment, debating whether she should ask how he was, then decided against it. Water Skinner was not a man who readily shared his feelings, and the no nonsense tone in his voice told her that such a question might not be very welcome. "Goodnight, sir."

"Goodnight."

Skinner hung up and stared down into his soup.

So, Mulder was all right.

//No thanks to you.//

//Don't. Don't do it. It's done. Over. Water under the proverbial bridge. He's alive, he's got his memory back, and that's what's important. Just let it go.//

He thought to himself, sitting alone in the quiet of his living room, that he should have asked Scully to give Mulder *and* Krycek his best. It wasn't that it hadn't crossed his mind; it had. But he and Krycek had been enemies for so long, it was difficult to treat him as a friend, even now after all they'd been through. Even after he'd seen how devastated Krycek was when he thought Mulder had been killed. Even after he'd saved the younger man's life and had been so supportive while Mulder was in the hospital...

He lowered his head into his hands.

Then there was that little matter of Mulder.

Fox.

Just because he'd resigned himself to the fact that Fox would always belong to Krycek didn't mean that he'd automatically stopped wanting the man.

He'd not spent much time in Fox's company these past months...a ban he'd imposed on himself. The more often he'd looked into those confused, unsure eyes, the deeper he'd felt himself sink.

And the more he'd watched Fox basking in the loving attention of a man he couldn't even remember, the more sure Skinner was that he needed to stay as far away as he could. He wasn't sure that time and distance would help him get over Fox, but one thing was damn sure. Being anywhere within visual distance of him was not good. Hell, just *feeling* the man's presence was enough to ruin his concentration and his day.

And now, Fox would be coming back to work. How soon, Skinner had no idea, but his return did seem inevitable...as did the prospect of more frequent cold showers and sleepless nights...and the terrible attacks of guilt he'd suffered whenever Fox looked at him. It resided there alongside the lust and other emotions he dared not admit to himself.

He had to find a way to deal with it. Soon he'd be back to seeing Fox every day, and he *couldn't* go through this every time they had to be in each other's company.

He tilted his head back against the sofa cushion, staring up at the ceiling.

//You could quit the Bureau.//

//Who said that?//

//Well, what the hell else are you going to do? There's no other way out of this. So. You either suffer a perpetual hard-on and eternal guilt, or you leave and put as much distance between you as possible.//

Skinner raised a hand to his forehead, massaging gently for a few seconds before taking his glasses off and swinging his square frame into a vertical position. His eyes closed, and almost immediately, thoughts of the object of his most ardent desires filled his head.

"Jesus..."

One hand involuntarily slipped down to the growing bulge in his pants as he imagined Fox naked and tangled in the sheets of his bed, smiling a sleepy smile as Skinner leaned over him, peppering his face and back with soft kisses...

He undid the button and zipper of his pants and let his hand slide down past the elastic band of his cotton briefs, seeing his fantasy Fox turn onto his back and hold his arms out.

Those eyes. Sparkling green with splashes of gold, alight with love and desire...that absurdly beautiful mouth curved into a welcoming smile...

//Fuck!//

Not even in his own fantasies could he have what he so desired.

Instead of himself, it was Krycek who sank into the other man's arms, covering those exquisite lips in a kiss that was meant to be his...playing his body with masterful precision, each touch drawing an ecstatic cry from the subject of his attention...

Skinner snatched his hand away from his flagging erection and turned onto his side.

//Not even in your dreams, Walt.//

He lay quietly for well over an hour, contemplating his life and the kind of impact having or not having Fox in his life would make on it.

//Torture either way you look at it. Question is, which is the lesser of the two evils?//

"I don't know," he sighed softly, flipping onto his back and covering his face with his hands. "God, I don't know."

********************

"I haven't told you what they did to me."

Alex lifted his head from Fox's chest and looked into somber, dark eyes. "I knew you were thinking about *something*."

Fox kissed the tip of his lover's nose and allowed him to wriggle out of his embrace. The younger man propped himself up against the pillows, head resting beside Fox's as their arms and hips touched. "You've been through so much," he said, stroking the older man's thigh. "I figured you'd tell me when you were ready."

Fox gave Alex a grateful smile. "It's scary sometimes, the way you can read me." Alex planted a light kiss on his mouth in response.

"I got up to Vermont," Fox began, "and the place seemed deserted. I thought they'd already gone. I decided to have a look around anyway, just for my own satisfaction." Fox shifted so that his head was now resting on top of Alex's shoulder. "The house was dark. Furniture covered...I don't know how, but someone obviously snuck up on me, because the next thing I knew, there was a rag over my mouth and this sickening, sweet smell...that's all I remember until I woke up strapped to a bed. Two men were standing over me. One of them was Cancerman. I can only assume that the other one was Dr. Lieber. Everything was kind of hazy...felt like I was drunk. I couldn't move. I couldn't talk. They were talking about a phase one. Most of their words were garbled; I couldn't understand what they were saying. I remember the doctor sticking me with a needle, and the next time I woke up, I was in an almost bare room. It was cold. I was so damn cold...chained to the headboard of a bed. They only unchained me to let me use the bathroom or to take me to that other room."

Alex squeezed his eyes shut, a cold fury washing over him at the thought of Lieber and that fucking wrinkled bastard hurting his Fox. He slipped one arm behind the older man and brought the other arm around the front, pulling Fox against him. "There's no death violent enough for that fucker," he whispered into the crop of golden-brown silk at the top of his lover's head.

Fox turned his face into Alex's chest, inhaling the warm, comforting scent. "When I was in the other room, they'd keep shooting me up with stuff...I don't know what. Then they'd attach all these wires to me...my head, my arms and chest...I was always sick afterward. And so damn cold. I lost track of how many times they put me in that room, but I remember the fear. I remember fighting against it, but they always won." Fox wound his arms around Alex, hugging him tightly. "Then I remember you. I was scared and disoriented, but I remember the look on your face when you found me. And even though I didn't know who you were, I remember feeling so safe when you covered me with your jacket and talked to me."

Alex kissed the top of Fox's head. "I can't tell you, baby...it wouldn't be an exaggeration to tell you that I was dead from the minute I got to Vermont, and Scully convinced me that you were gone. Finding you in Leesburg started my heart beating again. I thought I was dreaming when I walked into that room. I thought maybe I'd finally lost what was left of my mind, but then I touched you. I looked into your eyes, and I knew I wasn't hallucinating. Even though there was more fear and confusion in them than I'd ever seen before, I knew it was you in there..."

Wrapped in the security of his lover's arms, Fox scattered several small kisses over his chest and throat. "I don't ...I can't imagine what it would feel like to live with you day after day, loving you as much as I do, knowing that we had a complete and wonderful life together, and all of sudden, you were looking at me and seeing a total stranger. You and everybody else were so worried about me, but I think you deserved as much attention and concern as I got. Your hell may have been a little different, but it wasn't any less important."

"Scully was good to me," Alex responded. "She was concerned, she really was. Did she tell you about the fight we had?"

"Oh, yeah, she told me everything."

"I didn't mean to give her such a hard time, but I was beside myself..."

"And she understood that...babe?"

"Yeah?"

"She told me how much my will upset you."

"Yeah. It really did me in. It was like...you were gone, and everybody was just accepting it...and the things you were leaving them were the consolation prizes that they got to take home. I didn't *want* any consolation prize. I didn't *want* to hear you telling me goodbye. I wanted you *back*. I didn't care how unreasonable I was being, and I didn't care what anybody thought." He took a deep breath and rested his cheek on Fox's head. "Scully tried so hard to hold me together. She kept telling me we had to respect your wishes...she threatened to sedate me...she didn't know *what* the hell to do with me."

"I'm so grateful to her for wanting to try," Fox murmured. "She really came through. And from what Scully told me, my mother did, too. That was the biggest surprise. I never would have thought she'd react the way she did."

"She was feeling a hell of a lot of guilt, apparently about your relationship or lack thereof. She said she was just glad that you'd had someone to love you. *She* loves you, baby. And she's really sorry that she let you slip away from her. She wants another chance to be the mother you *should've* had all these years."

"I'd like that. And since she's accepted you so well, I'm sure we can work on it."

"What has you mother accepting me got to do with it?"

"Everything," Fox answered. "If she wants to be in my life, that's great. As long as she and everybody else knows that you and I are a package deal."

Alex grinned into Fox's hair. "Yeah, I think everybody knows that. It's kinda hard *not* to know. But I wouldn't want your relationships with your family and friends to be contingent on whether or not they accept *me*. They don't *have* to, you know. They can't hurt me. There's only one person in the world with that kind of power."

Gold-tinged eyes sparkled up at him. "And you know I never would."

A tiny hint of a grin raised one corner of Alex's mouth. "Who said I was talking about *you*?"

Fox's head dropped forward, and a low chuckle shook his shoulders. "You're lookin' for trouble, Krycek."

"Yeah?" Alex asked, challenge oozing from his words. "And who's gonna give it to me?"

Fox sat up, jerking Alex's hips forward, and the younger man's head hit the mattress with a soft thud. In an instant, he was lying on top of the younger man, pinning him to the bed. "The only guy in the world who can..."

********************

"Scully."

"It's me."

"I was beginning to think you two got buried in the snow or something."

"Why?"

"I haven't heard from you in four days, Mulder. I was about to call *you*."

"Sorry. We've been a little...distracted."

"I'm sure. I take it Alex is feeling better."

"Yeah, it only lasted for that one day, then he was fine."

"Good. So, are you calling just to say hi, or are you guys coming home?"

"Both. We'll be in at six tomorrow night."

"Do you need me to pick you up?"

"No, thanks. Alex's car is in the airport garage. I just wanted to let you know we were heading back."

Brief silence. Then, "I hope you two got *some* rest up there?"

"Oh, yeah. We got plenty of rest," Fox assured her. "There were days where we never made it out of bed."

Scully blushed at the thought. She knew that they were bad enough with people around, let alone left to themselves. It'd be a miracle if they were both still walking straight when they got back.

"Okay, Mulder, thanks for the image."

"What? All I said was..."

"I *know* what you said. And I know what you *meant*."

Fox smirked down at Alex, who just happened to have his face buried in the older man's crotch at the time. "You've got a dirty mind, Scully."

"*Tell* me I don't have good reason...where are you now?"

"I'm sitting on the couch."

"Uh huh. And where's Alex?"

"He's here. You wanna say hi to him?" Before Scully could answer, Fox put the phone down to Alex's ear. "Say hi to Scully, baby."

Scully closed her eyes and blushed a deeper crimson at the muffled 'hi Scully'.

"You two are unbelievable. Do you ever take a break?"

"Yeah," Fox answered softly, petting his lover's hair. "We had a long break. Can't say we much enjoyed it."

Not knowing quite how to respond to that, Scully emitted a long sigh. "Well, you get back to doing...whatever it is you were doing, and I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay. Bye, Scully...Alex says bye, too," Fox added, watching the younger man's hand rise into the air and give an abrupt wave.

Once he dropped the phone onto the sofa beside him, Fox let his head fall back against the cushion. The hand in Alex's hair continued to stroke and ruffle the sable stands. "She thinks all we've been doing up here is having sex. You believe that?"

Alex lifted his head from Fox's lap, licking his cock from base to tip before smiling up at him. "Where would she get an idea like that?"

"I don't know," Fox mumbled, grasping his cock at the base and rubbing the head back and forth against the younger man's lips. "*I* never told her that."

Alex's tongue swiped at the flushed head with each pass. "Some people just live in the gutter. I'm surprised at Scully, though. I thought she was a nice, respectable Catholic girl."

Fox shook his head and sighed as Alex again swallowed his entire length. "You think you know a person..."

********************

"Good morning, sir."

Skinner nodded his acknowledgment as Scully walked into his office and sat down.

"I've read the forensics report on the Kensington case. Seems pretty cut and dried."

"And boring."

Sharp brown eyes looked up over the tops of Skinner's glasses. "How so?"

"I've investigated a number of cases by myself since Mulder's been away, and they *all* seem to have logical, rational conclusions. I just don't seem to have his capacity for finding the paranormal elements in every odd occurrence."

Skinner looked down at his folded hands. "It *has* been different not having to brace myself for every meeting."

"I miss him too," Scully answered, reading the A.D.'s unspoken sentiment. "But he'll be home today, and since he's back to normal, I assume he'll be wanting to come back to work...sir?"

Skinner looked up into curious eyes. "Yes?"

"You looked a million miles away for a minute."

The A.D. shuffled a few papers from one corner of his desk to another, and back again. "I'm here."

Scully nodded, getting the distinct impression that he was lying but not wishing to push it any further. "Will that be all, sir?"

"Yes, I believe that's it."

Scully rose from her seat and walked to the door, pausing as she reached it. She turned and looked back at the man who sat so rigidly at his desk. As cool as ever on the outside, but chaos, she suspected, was bubbling on the inside. The guilt of all that had happened to Mulder weighed heavily on him; she could see it clearly. And to compound it, there was the matter of his feelings for Mulder. Though he'd never let on just how deep they went, Scully could tell that it was more than simple sexual attraction.

There was nothing she could do for him; she knew he'd never let her close enough to even try. He'd have to work through it on his own. But with Mulder inevitably returning to work, she thought as she headed back down to the basement, he'd have to do it quickly.

********************

Respectfully submitted,
Walter S. Skinner
Assistant Director

Skinner stared at the monitor, reading and re-reading. Deciding it was finished, he hit the print key and sat back, listening to the hum of the printer. When it was finished, he removed the sheet of paper, studied it for long seconds, then signed his name to the bottom, and left the office.

********************

The door to apartment forty-two swung open, and the two men tumbled in, falling over each other and their bags, trying to make it to the ringing phone. Alex made it there first.

"Hello?"

"Where have you two been?"

"Hi, Alex, welcome home. How was your flight? It was fine, Scully, thanks for asking..."

Scully heaved an impatient sigh. "Hi, Alex. I'm sorry, I don't have time to discuss your flight right now. Where's Mulder?"

"Standing right behind me."

"I need to talk to him."

"Sheesh." Alex reached over his shoulder, handing the phone to Fox. "Your partner would like to speak to you. She sounds agitated."

Frowning, Fox drew the phone to his ear. "Scully? Something wrong?"

"I've been trying to reach you for a couple of hours. Where the hell have you been?"

"The food on the plane was disgusting, we were hungry, so we decided to stop and get something to eat before we came home. Now, what's up?"

"Skinner quit."

Fox stood quietly for a few seconds, trying to process the two simple words. "What'd you say?"

"I said, he quit. Handed in his resignation."

"Why the hell would he...he can't do that!"

"That's what the director said. Apparently, 'personal reasons' isn't a good enough excuse for him to let his best A.D. just walk away. He's refusing to process the request. He told Skinner he wants him to think on his decision for a few more days."

"I don't..." Fox paced back and forth in front of his desk, a mixture of confusion and irritation evident on his face. "I don't get it, Scully. What the hell reason could Skinner have for resigning?"

A look of shock crossed Alex's face, then something that resembled comprehension.

"He said personal reasons, Mulder. I have a pretty good idea what they are, but I can't be sure. He did a damn good job of avoiding me all day, so I didn't get to talk to him."

"So, what do you *think*?"

"I think it's you."

"*Me*?"

Alex nodded, unseen by his pacing lover. He and Scully were obviously on the same page.

"Yes, Mulder, you. I told you how guilty he feels about what happened. And now with you better and most likely coming back to work soon, he'll have to face you every day. I guess he's decided that he either can't or doesn't want to do that."

"That's crazy, Scully."

"I *know*. That's why I've been trying to reach you. Only you can talk to him about this. You need to try and talk him out of it."

"I'll call him right now."

"Okay. Let me know how it goes."

"I will. Talk to you later."

Fox hung up and looked over at Alex, who had taken a seat on the edge of the coffee table.

"Skinner actually quit?"

"That's what Scully's telling me. She thinks it's because of..."

"You. I believe her."

"I gotta talk to him."

"Think it'll do any good?"

"I don't know, but I have to try. He can't keep carrying this guilt around."

"It isn't just the guilt, Fox. If it was, he'd probably be able to find a way to work through it. But he didn't just endanger the life of one of his agents. He endangered the life of the man he loves."

"*Loves*. Alex..."

"I know the signs, Fox," Alex interrupted softly. "I know what it looks like; I know what it feels like."

Fox lowered his head, knowing when he was on the losing side of a discussion with Alex.

"You don't just turn those feelings off," the younger man continued. "Ask me. I know. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually feel sorry for the poor bastard."

Fox took a deep breath then looked up at Alex. "I still have to talk to him. He can't *quit*, for Christ's sake."

"If he's got it as bad as I think he does, it might be the best thing for him."

Fox cocked his head, giving the other man a puzzled look.

"I'm just trying to look at it from his side," Alex explained. "If our situations were reversed and you were with him, and I knew that there wasn't a hope in the world for us, I wouldn't be able stay here day after day, looking at you...occasionally seeing you with him...I couldn't do it. I wouldn't be able to take it."

Still, Fox stood silently.

"Talk to him if you feel you need to, baby. Ask him if there's any way at all to work this out...I know how important it is to have an ally on the inside of the Bureau. But I know you also care about him as a friend, and in the end, you gotta let him do what he thinks is best."

Alex fidgeted a bit under the intense hazel stare, afraid that Fox might misinterpret what he'd just said and think that he simply wanted to be rid of Skinner. But when Fox moved forward and planted a long, tender kiss on his mouth, his fears were dispelled.

"I love you," Fox whispered against Alex's lips before punching in Skinner's number and bringing the phone to his ear.

Four rings later, the machine picked up, and Fox disconnected.

"No answer?"

"No. But I get the feeling that he's there." Fox gave his lover an apologetic look. "Babe, I'm sorry, I..."

"You want to go over there."

"Yeah."

Alex gave his head a little toss in the direction of the door. "Go ahead, you'll probably keep me up half the night if you don't."

Fox kissed Alex once more and, locating his car keys, headed toward the door. "I'll try not to be too late."

Alex smiled as the door closed behind Fox. "Yeah, don't worry about me," he called softly as he picked the bags up and headed into the bedroom. "I'll just be putting all these clothes away..."

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