March 18, 2002

	Cuts Like a Knife by coreopsis
	Disclaimer: Fiction! Fantasy. None of this happened and I'm not claiming it did. Notes: Still not songfic and I'm not bothering with including lyrics this time. If you know the song (which is not on "Reckless" like the others), you can decide what fits and if you don't, then don't worry about it. AJ doesn't have a fiancée or even a girlfriend here, and I have no idea what's REALLY going on with Justin and Britney (as of this writing anyway). Thanks to dara and lancenerd for reading it over. Feedback welcome. Rating: R? nothing graphic happens Summary: Nick and Justin have their rendezvous in Las Vegas like they planned in "Run To You" which can be found here Nick opened the door to his hotel room and stared in surprise. "What did you do?" Justin grinned and shrugged, rubbing a hand over his newly shorn head. "I like it this way. Especially on tour." Nick blinked and finally stepped back so that Justin could enter. Justin kissed him on the cheek as he passed and spoke breezily over his shoulder. "Don't tell me you were only in it because of the hair. 'Cause, dude, that's fucked up." "Yeah, Timberlake, you're the total package all right." Nick snorted and walked over to the mini-bar. "You want a drink? Or I could call room service if you're hungry." "No, that's OK. I ate with the guys." Justin stripped his shirt off as he walked over to the bedroom. He stopped in the doorway, fabric falling forgotten from one hand, and glanced back at Nick impatiently. Nick went over, cradled Justin's face in his hands, and kissed him, slowly and softly, not pushing and not allowing Justin to do so, even though he tried. And only after a very long moment, did he allow Justin to part his lips and flick the tip of his tongue over Nick's teeth. When he felt Justin's arousal brushing against his own, Nick pulled back and looked into Justin's eyes. "Tell me the truth," he said quietly, watching Justin's eyes narrow slightly and his forehead wrinkle in confusion for a split second before smoothing out again. Nick swallowed and wished he didn't have to ask, that Justin had just told him outright. "Did you and Britney...?" Justin slowly shook his head and Nick's hands dropped away from his face. "No, it's just another rumor." "Oh." Nick nodded and tried to smile, but he couldn't quite hide his disappointment. "You knew, Nick. But it was OK. You said you didn't care." "I did say that. And for a one--maybe two or three--night stand, it was. But now...I'm flying across the country to see you." Nick shrugged and turned away. It was too hard to talk when Justin was standing there shirtless and bewildered. "I'm thinking about you even when you're not around. I heard the story and hoped..." "You...you really wanted me and Brit to break up?" Justin sounded as if he couldn't conceive of such a thing, and Nick figured he probably couldn't. For a shrewd guy who'd learned how to read people at a glance, Justin could be remarkably blind about some things. "I love her. I don't want to." Nick nodded, understanding that Justin meant he didn't want to break up, not that he didn't want to love her. Nick thought he might want to love her a little too much, but that didn't seem to be any of his business so he kept his mouth shut. "Yeah, I know, J. I shouldn't have given the rumors a second thought. God knows they tell enough lies about me and my boys." For a brief moment, Justin looked thoughtful and possibly a little regretful, and Nick wondered what he was going to say. But Justin didn't say anything, just cocked his head toward the bed and reached for the buttons on Nick's shirt, long fingers flicking them open quickly. Nick knew what was going to happen after they fucked. They'd rest up for round two, then fall into a sex-drunk stupor until Justin woke up and snuck out of the room to go back to his life. The life that really didn't include Nick, outside of these little secret get-togethers. Even as busy as he was with his own career and hobbies and family obligations, that bothered Nick. He thought he might be possibly falling for Justin, just a little bit...maybe. Yet Justin had already fallen...for Britney. So where did that leave Nick? Alone, eventually. He could see it coming, and the only way to protect himself. "Justin, I think...I won't be able to see you for a while." "What?" Justin raised his face from where he'd been sucking on Nick's collarbone. "Oh. Well, I'll have a couple free days on--" "No. I won't be available." "You don't even know what I was going to say," Justin chided gently, a slight smile on his face. "Doesn't matter. I won't...I don't think I can do this anymore." "Wait just a fucking minute. Is this because I didn't break up with Britney?" Justin pulled back and glared at Nick. "You bitch. I told you going in--" "I know what you fucking told me, OK? I know all that. You love her, you love her, you love her, that's all I ever fucking hear out of you. Well, fine. Why don't you go love her then? You don't need me for that." "Nick, I do--" Justin broke off sharply and shook his head, and Nick would have given half his fortune to have had that statement finished. But instead Justin gave him a sly smile full of sex and promises. "I need you for other things. Things I can't get from her." "Yeah." Nick covered his eyes with one hand and sighed. He knew he was being ridiculously possessive here, but he couldn't seem to help himself. Being with Justin was starting to hurt almost as much as it felt good. "I was really looking forward to seeing you here. But I say I miss you and you say nothing." Justin held his hands out to either side and canted his hips slightly. "Here I am. You wanna see more of me?" "Well, yeah." Nick let out his breath sharply and wrapped his hands around Justin's waist, pulling him into an embrace. "I'm not stupid." Justin chuckled and tilted his head back so Nick's mouth could slide down his neck with more ease. "You mean, contrary to popular belief?" "Now who's being a bitch?" Nick sank his teeth into Justin's neck and sucked hard, knowing that he'd have to wear a ton of makeup to cover the hickey, and feeling rather viciously pleased about it. Justin cursed breathlessly and ground his pelvis into Nick's, almost hard enough to hurt and Nick braced himself and pushed back just as forcefully until bright pain blossomed sharply, then he stepped back. He pulled Justin through the doorway and over to the bed, pushing him down and spoke in a rough almost-whisper. "This might be the last time." Justin stared at him hard, his brow crinkled and his mouth pursed slightly. Finally he nodded and slid his hands down Nick's shoulders so that his fingers wrapped around Nick's biceps. "Yeah. Looks like it." "So we better make it count, right?" Nick busied himself with taking off Justin's shoes, socks, and pants so that he wouldn't have to look him in the eye. He knew his resolve would falter if he gave Justin the smallest emotional opening. But there was the physical, and that was easy. ######## Lying sprawled in the tangled sheets, all flushed and sweaty, Nick idly wished he could smoke. Just because in the movies it made the hero look so cool and nonchalant to light up a cigarette after something dramatic happened. Having sex with Justin was certainly dramatic, and he was definitely going to miss it. Miss him. And Nick didn't feel very cool about it. "Chris knows." Justin's low voice jolted Nick out of his musings. He'd been sure that Justin had fallen asleep like usual, since he'd been lying still and breathing evenly. "Knows what?" Nick asked, idly scratching his nails lightly along the length of Justin's thigh. "About this...us. He saw you leaving my house one time." Nick thought back and vaguely remembered a morning when a red PT Cruiser drove up to Justin's house when he was climbing into his taxi. Nick had been too distracted and hung over to give it much thought at the time. "He knows. OK. So...what?" "So nothing. He's my best friend. He knows nearly everything about me." Justin yawned and patted blindly at Nick's hand still on his leg. "He doesn't approve." Nick pulled his hand away and pushed his hair off his forehead. His face felt hot and there was a little tremble in his hand. It was ending anyway, so why should he care what Chris thought? He didn't. He didn't care, but his mouth was opening and spilling out questions before he could stop it. "Which is it? The Backstreet thing? Or the guy thing?" "The girlfriend thing. He considers it cheating or something." Nick started to ask what Justin considered it, if not cheating, but got sidetracked by another thought. "Speaking of girlfriends, I saw the new video the other day. Maybe I should have been more jealous of Nelly than Britney." Justin laughed but Nick thought he looked a little uncomfortable at the same time. He rolled his eyes and sighed. "Justin...really?" "Shut up." Justin rolled over to face Nick and reached a hand out to trace the ink on his arm. "You did." "I said shut up." Justin poked the head of the shark tattoo. "You're the one who wants to break up with me. I don't have to tell you anything." "Break up?" Nick laughed so hard he snorted. "There's nothing to break up *from*." "*Whatever*. You don't want to fuck me anymore." "You know that's not it." "Possessiveness is not attractive, Nick." "Yeah, and neither is being a slut." "Fuck you," Justin replied quickly but without very much heat. "You already did." Nick smirked. "It was great. Thanks." "But not great enough to make you change your mind?" Nick didn't say anything for a long moment. Justin had no idea how hard this was for him. He was so scared of falling in love and then losing Justin that he just couldn't go on like they'd been. "Almost." "Close doesn't count for much." "Yeah, well...you'll be all right. You got Britney and Nelly to dry your tears." Justin snorted and rolled his eyes. "Like I'd ever cry over a fucking Backstreet boy." "I could make you cry if I wanted to." And Nick actually thought about it for a brief moment. "But I don't. I like you Justin...a lot. I'd never want to hurt you on purpose." "Is that what you think I'm doing? I need her and I want you. You're the one who can't deal." Nick turned his head away so he couldn't see the subtle condemnation in Justin's eyes. "Yeah, you're right, Justin. It's all my fault." "Hey, you're the one acting like a teenage girl who didn't get asked to go steady." "Well, excuse the fuck out of me. You know, I didn't get to go to high school and--" Justin raised an eyebrow and Nick realized who he was talking to and stopped. He didn't even know where he'd been going with that line of thought anyway. Sometimes he just started talking before his brain figured out what he should say. "Umm...never mind...that's... You're making me crazy. That's all." "Uh huh." Justin nodded and glanced at his watch, which he hadn't even taken off. "I should get going. I think the guys wanted to--" "OK, fine." Nick cut Justin off and sat up on the side of the bed with his back to him, so that he didn't have to watch him leave. "I don't need to know what you're going to do. Just...have fun. I'm sure we'll see each other around after your tour's finished." When there was no sound from behind him, except for the faint rustle of clothing being picked up and put on, Nick glanced over his shoulder. Justin dressed with uncharacteristically jerky movements, his eyes fixed on the middle of Nick's back. "You OK, J?" Justin's head snapped up and after a second he flashed his familiar cocky grin. "Sure, just thinking how happy Chris is gonna be. He'll probably send you a thank you card." "Yeah, 'cause I can really see Chris Kirkpatrick doing that," Nick said skeptically, pulling his boxers on and standing up to face Justin with what he hoped was at least a sliver of dignity. "Yeah, I guess not." Justin laughed that fake laugh that Nick had only heard on television and shrugged as he looked around for his shirt. Nick wanted to say something, but everything he could think of sounded either too sappy or apologetic, so he just watched as Justin slipped his shirt and walked out the bedroom door. An endless eternity later, he heard the door to the hallway open and close very quietly. It was only later, when he was drinking vodka straight from the bottle in the dark and replaying that last moment over and over in his head, Nick remembered that he hadn't meant to watch. He set the bottle down and picked up his cell phone, hitting a number on speed dial without bothering to turn on a light. After four rings, a sleep-roughened voice answered with an irritable, "What?" "I think I really fucked up this time," said Nick, hating how shaky and teary his voice sounded even though he wasn't crying. "Oh fuck. You're not in jail, are you? Did you call your lawyer yet? I can't believe--" "AJ," Nick interrupted, but the other man wasn't listening. "--you'd get in trouble again this soon. Fuck me, Nick, what the hell were--" "AJ!" "--you thinking. You're drunk too. I can hear it in your voice--" "AJ. Shut up a minute! I'm not in fucking jail, all right?" Nick sighed as the other end of the line finally went silent. "I'm in Las Vegas." "Same difference for the unwary." Nick heard the familiar sound of AJ lighting a cigarette, then had to smile when AJ said, "You're not married, are ya?" "No, I'm not married." "Lose all your money at the craps table and someone stole your credit cards and--" "No," Nick cut in before AJ could get wound up or he'd have gone on for half an hour. "None of that. I just...umm..." "Didja get dumped?" "No, I did it...the dumping. I mean, I broke up with him." "And you had to go all the way to Vegas to do it?" "Well, that's where he was gonna be, so yeah." "OK, whatever. So you dumped the guy and now what...you're all broken up about it?" "Maybe it was a mistake. I keep seeing him leave over and over..." Nick paused to get his voice under control. "And I didn't want him to." "But you did do the dumping, right?" AJ asked. "Is it really too late? Can you get him back?" "I'm not sure I ever had him to begin with. That was the problem." "Oh." For a moment neither of them said anything, until apparently AJ's insatiable curiosity got the better of him. "So who was it?" Nick closed his eyes and took a deep breath before blurting it out. "It was Justin." "Justin Timberlake?" AJ snorted and Nick could just imagine the way he must be sneering at the phone. "You just had to fuck a member of *NSYNC and you didn't pick JC? What the hell?" "What difference does it make?" "Well...none. But he's actually hot." "Hey! Justin is hot. He's very hot. Millions of people think so." "Yeah and they haven't even fucked him, so you're ahead of the pack, aren't you? But really, Nick...fucking Timberlake." AJ clucked his tongue in mocking disappointment. "Trust me, AJ, I know," Nick said tiredly. He was a little drunk and a lot achy and really wanted to cry but refused to give Justin that much credit or power or...something. He should just hang up and finish off the vodka, then he'd pass out and wouldn't have to think about this any more. "Hey Nick," AJ said, in a low serious voice. "It'll be OK. You know I love you, right? And I'm always willing to listen and I'm not even mad that you woke me up in the middle of the night." "I know." Nick had to clear his throat before he could say, "I love you too. And I'll let you go so you can go back to sleep. Sorry I woke you." "No problem, bro. You can call me any time." "Yeah. Goodnight, AJ." "G'night, Nick." Nick waited until the line went dead before turning off his phone and tossing it on the coffee table. He swung his feet up onto the couch and settled back against the well-padded arm. He'd be more physically comfortable lying on the bed, but he wasn't ready to wrap himself up in Justin's scent just yet. Maybe in the morning when he was too hung over to care... ########## A week later, Nick was hanging out at AJ's house in LA when he happened to hit MTV while he was flipping through the channels. The Girlfriend Remix video was on and he bit his lip as he watched Justin and Nelly together. He felt a hot swell of jealousy at how good they looked together, how much fun they seemed to be having, then told himself he was being stupid. It didn't matter. Justin didn't matter to him anymore. After the video, an MTV News break came on and Ian Robinson told half the free world that an official statement had just been released saying that Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears were no longer a couple. The statement rambled on about how they were still friends and...frankly, Nick didn't hear another word of it. He just sat there staring blankly at the screen until he felt a wiry arm wrap around his shoulders and squeeze him tight. "You OK?" Nick shook his head sadly. "I think he lied to me, AJ. He said they didn't...he wouldn't..." "You wanna try to get him back now that he's free?" "No, I..." Nick stopped and stared at AJ, kind of amazed to find that it was true. "No, I really don't." "See there? I told you it'd be all right." "It's not all right." "One day, it will be. And then you'll laugh at this whole thing." AJ squeezed Nick harder before letting him go. He left his hand resting lightly on Nick's back as he said, "And in the meantime, I'm here." Nick glanced at AJ from under his lashes and realized that was just exactly what he needed to hear. "Yeah, you are." For he gave himself a chance to think about it, Nick leaned over and pressed his lips to AJ's in a quick kiss. "You always have been. Thanks." AJ smiled a little, his dark eyes shining like Nick seldom saw them do lately. This time, Nick did think about it, and he kissed AJ again anyway...soft and slow and tentative, trying to figure out if it was right. He licked at AJ's lips and wondered how anything could feel so easy, so uncomplicated and good. That scared him a little and he pulled back to gauge AJ's reaction. "Well. Nicky." AJ smirked and tightened his hands on Nick's, making Nick realize that he hadn't noticed they were holding hands. "That was unexpected." "Umm. Maybe? Yeah." Nick glanced away, wishing he knew what to say after kissing his bandmate. What exactly was the protocol here? "And who knew? You're actually good at it." "Yeah?" Nick looked back at AJ and grinned. "Well, you don't make me want to run in the other direction either." "Good to know." AJ leaned in to kiss Nick again, then pulled away and stood up. "You need to think about what you're doing. Then we'll figure it out. I'm taking the dogs out back before dinner." Nick watched AJ walk out of the room, and marveled at how good it felt to watch AJ leave, knowing that he'd be coming back. No matter if anything more happened between then, at least Nick could be sure of that. The end. back to fic